There’s a new guy in the picture, and we were discussing the differences between the sexes. I suggested that women can act needy when they’re just horny, and he countered with an anecdote about an ex, who seemed needy all the time, but couldn’t possibly have just been horny, since they were having sex four or five times per week.
Well, that makes me wonder. Certainly there have been lean and fat periods, but I’ve had periods in relationships where we comfortably had sex every day. Obviously there were other factors, such as the age of the relationship, whether or not there was a lot else going on in our lives, etc. but is this considered unusual? What about single nights with multiple “rounds”? How does that relate to the overall gauging of a sex drive?
Common knowledge is that men “want it all the time,” but again, in my experience that’s not entirely accurate. Does a man have a low sex drive, then, if he’s not ever-ready?
Just curious if some more experienced Dopers can shed some light on this for me.
I don’t think everyday sex is that unusual, especially if you’re young. Multiple times a day, every day would seem high to me, but that’s not a bad thing if it works for everyone involved.
My wife and I are in our mid-40’s, married for 14 years and together for about 18, and we’re still at 3-5 times a week. If we’re on a week’s vacation, it’s every day, usually in the mornings, with an occasional mid-afternoon romp one or two of those days.
Definitely not trying to host a pissing contest, and wasn’t wondering about anybody’s own sex life - but is the general consensus that sex every day is a lot, whether or not that’s the norm for them? People talk about high/low sex drive, but what do those terms actually mean?
I don’t think they can really be quantified. I mean, it seems like for the most part “high” and “low” are relative terms. Once a day might seem high to some. I might be average to others. Once a week might be low, but it might be perfect for others. And of course, age is a factor, what’s high at 25, is very different from what’s high at 45.
There’s a good reason that this is in IMHO, as there is no definitive answer. For me, I would consider anything over once a day high, especially in my age group.
I didn’t think that you were, but speaking as a bloke myself, anecdotal evidence, even from anonymus posters on a mb, will be very very suspect.
If a man with a genuinlly high sex drive posted how often he, er “performed”, then immediatly many other men with average or low sex drives would call B.S., either out of envy, or of genuine disbelief that someone else actually had that sexual appetite.
The only context that makes sense is how often you want it versus how often it is available (I’m thinking relative to a partner but it could just be how well you do in the “game”). If you want it twice a month and your partner only wants it once a quarter, you have a high sex drive.
According to a Kinsey survey, 4 or more times per week is moderately for 18-24 year olds, but as people age, the frequency drops. For those 25+, 4 or more times per week is definitely high.
If you are around 30 or younger. Sex 5-6 times a week is definitely normal. Assuming you live with or near your SO and there’s no major complications for meeting up.
If you think 2-3 a week is acceptable at a young age… you’re wrong. Just wrong.
We can go by studies that show how many times a week an average person has sex, across different age groups and types of partnership. These rely on self-reporting, but it’s the best we’ve got in terms of scientific evidence. The Kinsey Institute has a couple of pretty cool tables showing frequency of sex by gender and type of relationship (possibly NSFW language–no pictures though):
Based on those tables, I’d say 5 days a week qualifies as a quite-high sex drive. Every single day would be very high. Multiple times a day, every day, is part of the long tail (gotta be a few stdevs outside normal, depending on age group). It’s hard to tell exactly, though, because the highest measurement on the chart is only 4+ days a week.
What is “high” is, of course relative to others. That varies by age and stage of relationship (as noted above) and also by culture and country. That graphic shows frequency of at least once weekly sex by country. Greece rates at 87% of the adult population. The United States is relatively low at 53% with Japan the lowest at 34%. In America at least you are overall relatively high in sexual frequency if you average more than once a week.
Comparing that chart to one about satisfaction in having sex is interesting. There the United States’ 48% is a bit above the mean of 43%. The Japanese are not at all satisfied with their relatively low sexual frequency and rank only 15%. The Greeks, despite having sex at least weekly much more often than the mean, are not much more satisfied than are Americans at 51%. The French may have sex relatively often (at least weekly 70% of the time) but are much less likely satisfied (25%). Yeah, in general more than half are not satisfied with their sex lives and most of both the French and the Japanese are pretty unhappy despite one group having relatively frequent sex and the other relatively little.
There is also the set of data from the University of Chicago’s massive General Social Survey. According to that survey if you have sex three of more times a week you are in America’s top 5% for frequency. 20% had no sex for over a year, but of course such may not have been by choice. Those with graduate degrees report less sex. Those who love jazz and who are politically liberal report more. Presbyterians and Lutherans report less sex while Jews and agnostics report more.
So jazz loving, politically liberal, agnostic Jews rejoice … or wonder what’s wrong in your case!
The OP is asking about people already in a relationship; data including people not in a sexual relationship (which is a hell of a lot of people at that age) is gonna skew very low.
