Cervaise: the images are of a woman and a man. You can see her cleavage and weird hair-thing as well.
Well, of course, some people have very severe allergies to peanuts, so companies are required by law to include that warning. It may still be stupid, but blame the government, not the company.
My brother did this once (hand). Lots of blood and screaming, but he didn’t lose anything.
Kind of like the tuna: GUARANTEED NOT TO TURN PINK IN THE CAN.
In the instructions for a fencing mask (tripplette arms) It gave valid directions to adjust the mask to fit. the last one read. “Do not wear naked in public”
I kid you not.
Of course, Walter and the gang are known for their unique sense of humor.
One mask had the claim “Now see magically thru AIR!”
Yeah, I was reading this and waiting for someone to mention Dr. Bronner. Great soap.
I’m guessing this is coming off the McDonald’s lawsuits…
On a thick plastic package of Real Crumbled Ham:
“WARNING: DO NOT EAT PACKET”
This is more like a completely fucked up fortune cookie fortune!
Not a package, but I love the ad for the Ding King (a device which helps un-dent your car). The ad proudly claims that it works on all makes and models of car, and then displays a long, scrolling list of car brands alphabetically from Audi to Yugo.
I mean, what the hell type of feature is this? Works on all types of cars? This is about as dumb as a peanut butter ad that brags about working on “all brands of bread,” or paper that’s compatible with “every major pen brand.”
To top it off, a similar product mentions that it works on SUV’s, minivans, sedans, trucks, etc.
On individualy wrapped piecs of american cheese :open here , as if I couldnt figure that one out on my own.
Some of the best ones I’ve encountered:
I bought a replacement hard drive for my laptop, the carboard box it came in was sealed with tape and contained this warning: “Do not break seal before using.”
My wife bought a package of those long fireplace matches that had a sticker annoucing “Matches are extremely flammable!”
Finally, I bought some windshield cleaner that said “Danger: cannot be made non-poisonous!”
I bought a framing hammer a year or so ago. It had a nice little booklet tied to the handle. The front of which read “Framing Hammer”. The inside of the booklet expounded on the craftsmanship on this fine hammer. Also included were the usual warnings about wearing eye protection and not using the hammer for neurosurgery, etc. Buried in the fine print was the phrase “Do not use this device as a hammer”. I was rendered speechless.
I still like my hammer that has “Patent Pending” in big silver letters down the side.
On a box ox of tampons:
“Remove the last tampon you use at the end of your menstrual cycle.”
Raisins: Try tossing over your favourite breakfast cereal.
Brits will appreciate that one.
“STOP! Do not place this container on a passenger jet aircraft! Biological agents within!”
Ya know, by the time it gets to the plane it’s already been in the back of a truck with 50,000,000 LB of random crap tossed on top of it and it’s been driven all over town. Somehow I don’t think putting in the unpressurized cargo hold will cause that many more problems.
“Caution: Contents packaged in ___ kg of dry ice! Store immediately at 4-8 C”
Ok, so you shipped it at what, -60C? -80C? Yet it has to be stored at 4C…
“Caution, toxic for research purposes only”
Inside was a 36$ 1 liter bottle of reagent grade purified water.
KarmaComa:
Lol.
It goes better with Scottish Porridge.
Ok, I once purchased a box of shells & cheese, the kind with the little packet of cheese sauce. On the back it had little ‘cute quips’ about what you could do with the product. This is one of them:
Cover the ones you love with cheese. Example: Spread cheese sauce on cooked macaroni shells.
The first part just shook me… what, exactly, are they suggesting I do, if using it on the included shells is only an EXAMPLE?
Good ol’ Dr. Bronner. Nothing else comes close.
Except maybe this:
On a package of yeast infection stuff: Do not take orally.
Ewww.
A number of years ago I bought a gift certificate from a Virgin Megastore that was clearly labelled “Not transferrable - void if transferred”.
So, if I can’t give it away, what exactly is the point of it?
Believe it or not, people really are this stupid. My dad is the head of an Emergency Department, and he brought home a story about a guy who thought something was stuck in his lawnmower and reached his hand into it (without turning it off) to get it out. He got a few fingers chopped off.