I didn’t actually see this, but I once read an article entitled “The most accident prone man in the UK?” that described a bizarre series of incidents where the guy had almost accidentally killed himself.
The funniest one was when he’d been leaning out of his car window to put a token in his local car wash machine, and somehow managed to lean on the electric window button, causing it to close and trap his head in the window facing outside. By that point the car wash sequence was starting, and he was treated to the full works “gold service” wash in the face.
Apparently there was quite a crowd watching by the end.
Anyway, this doesn’t count because I’m not a stranger, but I’m pretty sure I’d beat anyone for general clutziness, so I’d probably make a few other people’s lists. I have walked square into lamposts on many occasions, shut myself in a door (and had to wait two hours to be freed), fallen out of a window and actually run myself over with my own car in the past. I once caused my friend to almost die from an asthma attack spawned from laughing so much when I didn’t realise some window doors were closed and head-butted them at speed. :smack:
I see a guy sometimes who rides around in army fatigue looking all tough, on a big bicycle with a “trailer” hooked up full of crap, and then a basket in front with a bag out of which two teacup chihuahuas peak out with pink bows around their neck…little odd. I do a triple-take every time.
Walking through the cinema district in the middle of town a number of years ago, and suddenly belting around the corner right in front of me came these two huge dogs, just pounding along up the footpath! Big lolloping things they were, taking huge strides, tongues out, slobber everywhere … and there’s this guy - long hair, beard, very alternative looking with fringes and bits hanging off him everywhere - chasing them on roller skates! Whoops, no he’s not: the dogs are towing him! Man you should have seen them go, and those dogs were having the time of their lives! In a few seconds they had disappeared up the street. A sight not to be forgotten.
I once shared a subway ride in Los Angeles with a guy who did sound effects like the guy in the Police Academy movies. Really unobtrusive, just sound effects to go along with everything he was doing, like smacking his hand on the top of the subway door as if he’d hit his head, and making a rustling to go along with his newspaper.
This skinny old black man used to walk around downtown Asheville, NC dressed like a cowboy. He would pace back and forth, using exaggerated “cowboy” movements, drawing his gun and whatnot. It was hilarious to watch him.
Driving by a self car wash, I saw a guy dressed in full scuba gear being sprayed down by about 5 other guys. Being near LSU’s campus, I can only assume it was a frat thing.
Downtown Chicago, watching a bike messenger weave through cars stopped in traffic. He had cut a few cars off, and was generally making a bike messenger type of pest of himself. But he was flying, I’ll give him that. He had just finished blowing across LaSalle St., ignoring a red light, making a couple cars dive on their brakes to miss him. Just across the street, still flying, he turned to flip one of the drivers the bird, momentarily turning his head to the side. And not seeing the nice old lady opening her car door right in his path. WHAM went the bike right into the door. Flying somersault over the door, perfect face/chest first landing on the street. Standing up to hear about 50-60 of us stop to cheer his technique.
When Redemaks was still on Lincoln, they had solid glass doors at the entry. Late night after a concert (Camper I think…), the wife and a couple other couples were there for a late dinner. Very, very snooty lady was there as well. Dressed like she just left the Society Ball and leading her poor man around by the nose. You know where this is going, right? Walks at full stride smack into the glass door, face first. Everyone in the place heard it, the place went silent. My friend Scott breaks the silence: “Here, let me get that for you…”
The high walker. This dude dressed in tights would stand at a street corner and take a step, clipping his ears with his ankles, putting his foot down one centimetre in front of the other. I am amazed no driver decided to run him down as he was crossing the street.
Grayhound bus, February 2003. This guy was studying, and I mean intensely studying like it was a piece of sacred apocrypha, a children’s menu from a fast food restaurant. For forty-five minutes. Then he puts the menu away. He starts looking really agitated, tapping his foot and muttering and whatnot, then five minutes later he takes the menu back out and makes some random circles on it with a blue sharpie. This goes on for a few minutes. Then he put the menu back in his bag and sat back with a very calm, satisfied look on his face. He didn’t take the menu out again.
One time my ex was in a parking lot after work and he said there was this old guy who had something wrapped in a baby blanket. He kept cooing and talking to it for awhile. Then he noticed my ex and his friends and said “do you want to see my baby?” He pulled back the blanket to reveal a tiny orange kitten. “That’s my baby!” he said with a grin on his face. That’s pretty funny.
I pulled up at traffic lights behind a pedal tricycle; despite having three wheels, it was quite a sleek machine and obviously designed for speed. A rider on a conventional bicycle skirted around the cars to the front of the queue and stopped alongside the tricycle. He looked at the trike, grinned, pointed and said something.
I don’t know exactly what it was that the cyclist actually said to the tricyclist, but it provoked him to dismount and serve the cyclist a terrific punch in the face, knocking him and his bike flying to the ground. The light changed to green at this point and I was laughing so hard I could scarcely see to drive. I guess you had to be there.
I’m not recommending this, and I’m pretty sure it was illegal, but it sure was funny…
On a plane to Houston, I was upgraded to first class and had settled in. Toward the end of boarding, the overhead spaces were almost full when this self-important jerk comes on, throws his carryon into the last available space in the first class cabin, then proceeds onwards to the back of the plane (coach cabin).
The lady right behind him was in first class and looked almost unbelievingly at what the nitwit had done. Then, she clamly took his carryon out, put her carryon in, and took his carryon to the front of the plane.
Where she said to the flight attendant, “There doesn’t seem to be any more room in first. Could you please check my bag to Houston?”
One of the main north-south streets in my town is called Indiana. It’s a wide, busy street, without much foot traffic, and people often jog on the sidewalk. Once, while driving toward my old apartment, I saw a fellow out getting some exercise. He was wearing a suit and pedaling a unicycle. He was pretty good on it, too.
For a couple months, in downtown LA, I would see the same man walking briskly along the sidewalk. The only thing unusual was his attire: flesh-colored speedos (from a distance, you can imagine what that looked like :eek: ). No shoes, no shirt, no nothing. And there he’d be, briskly walking along. And this was blocks away from the Y (plus no towel), so I don’t think he was heading off to the pool. I used to wonder where he’d left his stuff, because I don’t think he was carrying any keys or anything.
We had a guy who stood on a street corner at a major intersection selling newspapers every Sunday morning. The only problem was they were newspapers from the Sunday before.
Then there was the guy who stood out by the newspaper racks at a local convienience store reading the headlines on all the newspapers outloud. He would do this over and over again.
Loopydude, that’s beautiful. A classic portrait of the doofus shithead moron.
I have nothing to compare with that, but I once did sit in a subway car across from a guy who chewed up two complete cucumbers and spat the mush into a plastic bag. He put the bag into a big pocket of his overcoat.
I guess he did the chewing during what was otherwise down time so that he only had to bother with the swallowing later on.
1.) Recently, when a judge called this lawyer’s case, she took her seat in front of the rest of the lawyers and gallery of spectators and crossed her legs under her chair.
In full fiew of everyone, almost across the entire length of each of the bottom of her snappy black shoes was written "$5.99 " in large orange flourescent letters. :eek:
2.) When I traveled to Innsbruck, Austria years ago, I went skiing at the '72 Olympic Women’s downhill run. There were people hauling arse all over the place, down sheer drops, screaming to a halt at the bottom, then zipping over to the skilift (sp?) for another go.
One hotdog really came screaming up, directly toward the skilift queue, started skidding and went right through a sort of lightweight stick fence put up to guide the line to the skilift. He got up, brushed himself off, and queued up like nothing happened, while everyone else kind of looked at each other and snickered. :wally
