I bought and installed a can opener for my mom for Mother’s Day several years ago, and the first line of the directions was:
Your brand-new Black & Decker Under Cabinet Can Opener should be installed under a cabinet."
When I was young, we had a swimming pool, four feet, above ground. On the rims of the pool was a picture of a man who dove into a pool and - BAM! - his head just snapped right off. There were even jagged edges where his head had been disconnected. It was lying slightly to the left of him. The sign said, “DO NOT DIVE.”
There is a commercial out now for some motor oil, which features Brett Favre (a football player). In the commercial, he has some dirty oil, and says “Now, what am I going to do with this stuff?” He then puts some under his eye, just like eye black. At the bottom of the screen, in rather large letters, it says, “Do not try this at home.”
I bought a knife once (forget the brand), and on there was a little slip inside the package that said, “Caution: This knife is sharp.” No, is it really?
My friend from South America thinks the funniest warning is the traffic sign that says “BUMP.” He wants to know why they don’t just fix the bump instead of telling you about it. Granted, some of these are for temporary construction areas, but some have been in place for years. It had never occurred to me to think about it before he mentioned it.
Also, I have another friend who does use his hairdryer in bed to keep his sheets warm (at least, that’s his story) and has fallen asleep with it on. I guess he doesn’t read the warning.
These may be slightly off topic, but they never fail to ammuse me. Okay, so it’s easy to ammuse me, but they might ammuse you too, one never knows…
Courtesy of Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy…istructions on toothpicks…i don’t know the exact phrasing, but it tells you on the box to put the toothpick in your mouth…
The sign at the top of the first drop of any rollercoaster that reads “DO NOT STAND”. I have often seen a quite grafic picture of a headless person shown beside the blood red lettering…if i am on a rollercaoster, i am stapped down so tight that breathing is questionable…standing is not an option…
In my car safety instruction manuel, there’s this pictures illustrating a women who held onto her baby in the car rather than putting the baby in a car seat. However, it looks like the women is hurling her baby at the windshield. It has a big X over it. Don’t throw your baby at the window.
I was driving from Minnesota (where I live) to Seattle, Washington. Now, as I’m sure everyone knows, upon approaching a construction site you see signs like “Left/Right lane ends”, “Reduced Speed Ahead”, and the sign that has those arrows going in opposite directions that indicate the traffic is now two-way. While passing through Montana, I came across a construction site and, as usual, saw the typical signs. However, at EVERY mile marker they had a sign that said “DO NOT PASS” and a sketch of a head on collision under it. Gee…I was thinking of doing just that. Thanks for reminding me there’s a line of MACK trucks over there that my little Jetta wouldn’t have a chance against.
I just noticed a warning on a bag of Starburst hard candy. It said Enjoyment Tip: While eating hard candy, do not engage in activities that may result in candy getting lodged in throat.
All signs are obvious. We’ve become a nation of morons.
If Martians came to USA tomorrow and saw the warning labels we have on everything, they might just nuke us because we’re all so stupid and worthless. And of course money grubbing lawyers are all to blame for this.