When I was in the Royal Navy a parcel arrived for me after a trip all the way from the UK to the gulf patrol which we were doing at the time.
We’d not had mail for weeks and I was the only one down our mess to get a proper parcel (and I had to pay part of the postage as it was overweight)
The letter with it explained that my Aunt had just got God and was sending me this item
Amongst a curious crowd I opened it and found a latex ventriloquist Jesus dummy!
Some of these are so funny I have tears in my eyes. (And the knitted beercan hat gave me a violent and hilarious flashback of the local bicentennial parade of my childhood, lol.)
The “pimpin’” car reminded me of a bumpersticker we saw last year on a car parked outside a casino in Lake Tahoe. It said “Jesus is ‘tha bomb!’” We just STARED. It was the most freakish thing! I finally said “Yeah, that Christ is some DOPE SHIT BOYEEEEE!”
“You guys are outta your league…You’re looking at a woman who has her own harpoon!”
Toilet paper covers made to look like a doll.
Those beer or pop can hats that are knitted together.
Bleach bottles cut and bent to have fins.
Then stuck on a stick, to turn in the wind.
That stupid sign " If you sprinkle, when you tinkle, be a sweety, wipe the seaty."
Those stupid foam cheese hats.
What’s worse than black fishing boy statues at a landscape firm? They didn’t sell, so they painted them white, but they still had the same features.
A bright yellow vinyl chair.
Bright tight double knit polyester lime green pants on a fat lady. People shouldn’t be able to count the folds of skin and see your pock marks on your thighs.
A very ugly female that entered a bar in just a long johns shirt and panties at about 11:00 pm. I guess that’s more slutty than tacky.
A clock that played christmas songs every hour.
The bathtub on end with a statue of Mary.
Toilets on the lawn with flowers planted in them.
A friend had this one. Someone died and the widow bought birthday cards and signed them from people they knew. She then handed the cards to people and told them to put them in the coffin. This was about fifty cards.
North Side, but only for another two weeks as I prepare to move (back) to Philly. Sorry to disappoint.
I’ll keep you updated on my progress. I was very tempted to ask the guy where such a jacket came from (and when it was going back) but I didn’t want to seem like, in our vernacular, a jagoff.
Possibly one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a while from our pals at The Onion:
one of the tackiest things ive ever seen is a cheesy little triangle-shaped snowman that played the most annoyingly high-pitched version of "deck the halls"you have ever heard!
we also pass along a card at every birthday and christmas - its an ugly pink-flowered one, and we have the tradition of just crossing out the old name and putting on a new message for the new person. its called "la shitty carte
Darva Conger
The Precious Moments “I Can Potty By Myself” collectible figurine.
The tackiest thing I ever saw was the bathroom in the house my ex and I bought about 10 years back. The room was covered with green shag carpeting. Not the floor, mind you, but the walls and the ceiling! Before we stayed a night in the place I spent about three hours in there with a claw hammer pulling all that crap out, the previous owner having installed it with 3 inch long nails.
I won’t go into things like having to wash the walls 4 times before painting them or what the carpet in the living room was like after the previous owner’s dog had used it as a bathroom for 10 years…
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!
Men going topless who have bigger breasts
than some women.
Seems like most people are mentioning things you can get or things that people have.
The tackiest thing that comes to mind is something I’ve seen somebody do.
In my city there is a prominent pastor of a rather large fundementalist church, and the church broadcasts their weekly service on local TV late at night.
So anyway, one night flippin’ through the channels I catch the last part of his sermon. Still standing at the lectern, he seques into the part of the service where they collect the money from the congregation.
He pauses and makes a big show of unbuttoning his suit, fishing around inside his coat and retrieving his wallet, counting out several bills and stuffing them into a collection envelope. demonstrating exactly what he expects his people to do Yeah, that’s it - leading by example.
Maybe it’s done like this everywhere else but my church.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR
I was once in an elevator with a middle-aged guy, whose ample gut was barely covered by a ratty t-shirt proclaiming: “This isn’t a beer belly, it’s a gas tank for a sex machine!” What made it even more memorable was his hat, which had an embroidered deer-with-target-sights emblem, and bore the logo “Happiness is an 8-pointer.”
>shudder<
Any lawn ornaments, doing anything, anywhere in the world. I HATE lawn ornmaments.
Ok, now I got to defend some stuff. My mother has 3 tattoos. One is a yellow rose on her shoulder that is for my great-grandmother. One is a black rose above her heart that is for her children, and one is Harley-Davidson logo wings with my Dad’s name instead of Harley-Davidson. My Dad also has tattoos, but they are just artistic.
Secondly both my parents ride a Harley, and have all kinds of T-shirts, hats, and various other apparel with the Harley Logo. Having been exposed to it all my life, I’m not sure what’s tacky about it. I also wear the shirts myself. Believe it or not, respectable people have tattoos and wear Harley apparel.
This very afternoon, I saw a pickup truck absolutely festooned with confederate flags. I mean, real cloth, blowing in the wind confederate flags—at least five that I was able to count, along with several bumper stickers with the same motif.
I know a lot of women who are not in the slightest bit regretful of their tattoos. And one of them is a 60+ year old little white haired granny type! (hers is a hummingbird on her ankle)
The church I went to as a kid installed a baptismal thing on the stage. It’s like a giant trap door that opens up and underneath is this 5’ x 10’ or so pool. It made sermons a little more interesting to picture the trapdoor opening and the pastor getting dunked…
When I go to Tucson in a couple of weeks I’m making a pilgrimage to this house to take a picture and I’ll post it for you… but there is a house (on Water or Copper or Silver street, just off Mountain. A block or two north of Grant. If any of you live there and want to see) anyway this house is in your standard grid neighborhood, but his yard is just FULL of these tacky, ugly, hideous “sculptures”… they’re like junk and metal stuff put together to form human shapes and posed all around. Now this is a small yard. And these are about life sized. And there are probably 50 of them.
I don’t know if this would count as Da Hill or not, but are there still the concreted-over lawns painted green on the South Side?
The Robots. Just north of Warrensburg, Missouri. Some farmer apparently decided to make a bunch of robots out of old barrels and scrap metal and stick them out facing Highway 13. This is starting to qualify as a Genuine Tourist Attraction.
Still recovering from the trauma of growing up next to a lawn jockey…
Ok 2 things:
One is a house near where my parents live that is painted a bright purple. Its windows, however, are yellow, green, orange, blue, and bright red. The thing looks like it was made out of legos. Not to mention the phoenix looking bird things at the top of the multi colored columns on the balcony.
Also, one time at Disneyland I saw this guy who was wearing his nice new pair of Ray-Ban sunglasses. How did I know that they were Ray-Bans? He still had the Ray-Ban stickers right in the middle of the lenses.