[QUOTE=Sleel]
Women in their mid-twenties and older still do that. I’ve known women in their 40s who had male friends that they thought of as nothing more than friends; I’m not so sure the guy was thinking that he was excluded from her pool of available penises, though. The thing is, it’s not really a game, it’s just how most women think. And once you’re in the friend zone it’s very difficult to get out. It usually takes behavior shocking enough to end the prior relationship if it doesn’t work out.
Making a move doesn’t mean that you can’t explain that you used to think of her as a friend but now are attracted to her, or that you respected her previous relationships enough to not intrude but now are seeing signals and an opportunity to change things. If you’re going to manage the jump from friend to relationship anyway, telling about your feelings isn’t going to do any further harm, and might just help.
I’ve been with women from lots of different cultures and ethnic backgrounds, (including a short-term thing with a Persian girl in college now that I think about it) and there’s not really any “trick” to any of them. Women like pretty much the same things no matter what their upbringing or background. Most of the stuff that whitebread American chicks value will work for Persian, Chinese, Brazilian, or whatever women. Make a woman feel special, valued, safe, and strike a balance between being slightly dominant and making sure she feels like she has an “out” from things so that she doesn’t feel trapped, and you’re pretty much golden.
Notice that all of this precludes your being an asshole most of the time. If you’re going after someone who consistently likes to be treated badly, you’re chasing trouble.
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This is good advice for the OP. I’m gonna add specifics that any young fellow who finds himself in the “friend zone” and wants to break out of it can use. Listen up kids, this is gold.
You can’t suddenly make a move like trying to kiss her or laying bare your desire in a heart to heart talk. This kind of sudden shift is only going to result in shock, not reciprocity. What you need is “incidental intimate contact”- seemingly innocuous contact which brings you physically closer together without initially seeming to break the constraints of your “friendly” relationship. I’m not talking bout hugging. Hugging is too intimate while at the same time being something done between friends/family/people in a team building exercise on a corporate weekend. Forget hugging.
Here is what you do. First, offer her your arm as you walk down the street. Might seem cheezy at first, but trust me, it is the ideal first step. It’s not something she’ll do with many people, and it will seem in keeping with your friendship. You head off down the street, and nearly as a joke you offer her the crook of your arm to link with hers. It’ll probably seem a little corny, funny, old-fashioned, she’ll think “why not”? Next you’re walking arm in arm down the street on a carefree, friendly jaunt through friendlytown. You’ve just bumped things up one notch.
Next step- this is a doozy- hold her hand. There is in my experience no single intimate act more derided or ignored than hand-holding. If you can get her to take your hand you are well over halfway there. This has worked for me more times than I can tell you. It’s always the same- hold out your hand… she may hesitate, but ultimately when she takes it she’ll know. She’ll know you want more than friendship. As you walk with her hand in yours, you’ll know too. When do friends walk hand in hand down the street? It’s an intimacy that has lost favour and therefore can be attempted without fear. A line will have been crossed, and without having to say anything you’ll both know that you have initiated intimate physical contact with the intention of pursuing her further. I don’t guarantee success, but I guarantee if you can get her to hold your hand she’ll know and consider your true motivations.
After successfully completing these two steps, you can do as you see fit. Myself, I always orchestrate an opportunity for a dance that is intimate yet socially acceptable. Salsa is a good option, but nothing beats swinging to Frank Sinatra. This type of dance involves a lot of necessary intimate contact with the opportunity to add a meaningful squeeze here and there. At this point she’ll know you are interested, and may feel that the slow romantic manner in which you have revealed your true feelings are worth seeing if your boudoir manners are a slow and romantic match. After which she may or may not let you “liberate her ass”.
May god have mercy on my soul for revealing these priceless techniques to you all.
