In an attempt to find the love of my life (or at least a date for the weekend) I was looking around on match.com at some of the profiles. Several times I ran across a profile that looked very promising. Cute girl, similar interests and religious beliefs, and near where I live. All good, right? Then I get to the bottom and see that her turn-offs are long hair and brainiacs. WTF?
I’m certainly not the smartest person in the world, as I’m sure a few of the dopers familiar with my posting history can attest. But I feel I can safely call myself a brainiac. Case in point: the topics of some of the books I’ve recently read include evolution, theology, and superstring theory.
Also, I have long hair. I might cut if off soon and give it to charity so they can make a wig out of it to give to a cancer patient, but I’ll probably keep it semi-long since I think (and have been told) the look works for me.
So what’s the deal? Is it coincidence that all the girls who’s profiles I’ve been browsing don’t like brainiacs with long hair? Or is this a majority opinion and nobody told me?
It’s probably just coincidence. If you looked at 1,000 profiles, there would probably be an even distribution of girls who like long-haired brainiacs vs. those who don’t.
Although: are you doing searches for similar types of girls? Similar girls might have similar likes and dislikes. Or, does Match provide a list of preferences to check off? If “brainiacs” and “long hair” are part of the choices, it’s no mystery that lots of people would check those off - because they are there. If they weren’t there, they might not have thought to mention them or even thought whether they actually had preferences about those qualities in the first place.
I like brainiacs, also. Long hair also works, depending on the guy, though I don’t care either way.
If you want, check out the personal ads at The Onion’s website. You’ll probably find a lot more women looking for long-haired brainiacs than on other sites. I was a member there for about a year, and got a lot more dates out of that site than yahoo and match.com combined! (Though I did meet the fiance on yahoo!, I think it was just a fluke).
The other night my wife and I went out for beers at a local pub, and a couple sat down next to us in which the guy was a brainiac. Or, rather, he was a know-it-all: he was constantly bending his date’s ear about how hops were grown, or what this director meant in that movie, or whatever. Showed no interest in her, showed no interest in much of anything beyond showing off.
Maybe that’s what the girls in the ads mean? If one interests you but objects to brainiacs, maybe you can let her know that you’re a big old nerd, but that doesn’t mean you’re going around trying to prove to the world what a frickin genius you are (or words to that effect, only tactful).
The long hair thing, though–this longhair can’t help you with that. De gustibus and all.
I don’t think it’s that these women don’t like intelligent men, but more that they’re not interested in dating men who are only interested in obscure academic stuff and pooh-pooh less intellectual pursuits. If someone wants to ramble on and on about stuff that you neither know nor care anything about, you’re not going to have a very good time. Likewise, if they’re constantly on about how the things you enjoy are the very pinnacle of suck, you’re not going to have a very good time. It’s just a matter of personalities and priorities being too far apart for things to work out.
Also, being a brainiac tends to carry unflattering connotations. It either implies that, as Daniel said, you’re Cliff fucking Claven and never shut up about all the facts you can spew, or that you’re an intellectual snob and will never shut up about how stupid and juvenile and ridiculous you find the tv shows, movies, and music someone else likes. There’s a subtle, but absolutely vital difference between a smart person or a nerd and a brainiac.
As for the long hair, some women just find the look gross. It’s just a physical preference.
Are you sure these girls have similar interests? I mean, if they are turned off by “brainiacs”, then how much can you really have in common? Personally, I am highly intelligent and I am turned off by “idiots” that have nothing of value to talk about. I prefer my men just slightly smarter than I am so I can be challenged. I love long hair and have been told that I am very attractive more than a few times.
So, the females you are looking for have got to be out there. Just have patience.
This is Match we’re talking about. It doesn’t seem to be a very good dating site unless you’re pretty mainstream and looking for a long-term relationship. Brainiacs and long-haired guys aren’t mainstream, so…
Nice to see you posting a bit more often, missbunny. I still remember you from the dopefest about four or five years ago. I can’t remember for sure, but I think I may have been a brainy guy with long hair at the time.
(I’m married to a guy who shaves his head. I really like long haired guys. The grass is always greener on the other scalp, I guess.)
Yeah, try another dating site. I’ve never used one, but I’ve looked at a bunch due to things people have posted here. And my impression is that match.com is primarily populated by the most mainstream folks. There are more interesting people there, but their numbers are overwhelmed by the white breads.