lol
Ditto this.
Jerry and Elaine could hang out on Seinfeld, because it was, duh, a TV comedy. Real life is not so funny. 
Or easy.
What do you got to do? You got to get yourself some self-respect and set some barriers around what are and aren’t acceptable ways of being treated.
If you cheated on your boyfriend, would you expect him to go and thank the guy you cheated with? I doubt it.
Why are the standards for how you should be treated so different to the way that you treat others?
I guess I was just being emotional and insecure about my place in our relationship, knowing that he values their friendship more than our relationship.
That’s not insecurity. That’s a valid concern. You appear to have some very low self-esteem.
I hung out with my ex for nearly three years after we separated. We even went on vacation together after we split, several times (each time we did this, we were both single), the last time in March this year. We only stopped hanging out together in the past few weeks because she left the country.
It’s unusual, but not the worst thing in the world: there was nothing - repeat, nothing - between us of a romantic or sexual nature during any of this time. But she is still one of my best friends - in fact, I think it’s the friendship that kept us together well past our sell-by date as a couple.
This is the important bit. The difference between your bf and me is that I was transparent, open and honest with my subsequent girlfriends about the nature of my friendship with my ex, and, crucially, invited them along whenever I met up with her. A couple of them did come along, were able to understand the nature of our friendship, and in the case of my current gf, got on really well with her. (I’ve experienced the flipside too - met my ex’s ex, and he and I ended up hitting it off and becoming friends too.)
However, if any of them had expressed their objection, I would have reduced, or ceased, my interaction with her. If the choice between “their friendship [or] our relationship” had been laid out to me, I would have chosen the new partner.
So, while I lay out the proposition that even as a new partner, one can in fact treat an ex as just another friend, if one is excluding the new SO from that friendship, I suggest there is something seriously fucked-up going on.
As for the “he cheated and I thanked her” thing - that is even more fucked up. I suggest you should have more pride in your own worth, and behave appropriately.
I would actually think of it as “Thank you for helping me discover what a cheating slimeball he was so I didn’t have to waste anymore of my life on him, could I please get your address so I can put you on my Xmas card list!” 
I guess I was just being nice to her since my ex then (after informing about their ‘very short lived’ involvement) chose me over her. But we broke up eventually, since the trust was already tainted.
That’s one way of looking at it. Or you could look at it as he chose you, then he changed his mind and chose her and betrayed you, then changed his mind and chose you again.
Anyway, I’m glad you broke up with him, and I hope you wouldn’t think of being so “nice” again, in that kind of circumstance.
Thank you everyone for all your replies. My boyfriend eventually realized how upset I was and expressed how he values my feelings more than anyone else’s. I don’t have any intention of destroying his friendship with his ex by making him stop seeing her as I respect all his relationships with others. More so knowing the fact that their connection was before I came into his life. We have compromised to be more understanding and to be more open-minded in addressing this. We may not end up together still but at least we both tried to work things out.
Sometimes, when we are very angry and upset we tend to rant and end up saying harsh words. We then isolate those situations, overshadowing the good times before that, leading us to sulk and get ourselves hurt. I view this as a learning experience that I get to share with you.
This has been a very inspiring and productive thread for me. This is the first time that I posted anything on any message board. Yes, I did a few lurking (thanks purplehorseshoe), as I find the threads very interesting and informative. Especially, that these are point of views of different sectors of the world wide web. 
Though, I have yet to work more on my self-respect and low self-esteem. Life has to go on and everybody deserves to be happy and move forward.
So, what in actuality has changed? Will his actions be different (ie inviting you along and no longer demeaning your intelligence)?
If not, how is this better?
That’s the usual way with an SO’s exes…
I can’t really see how your situation has improved in any way.
Well, I guess the world needs doormats.
Better late than never, I guess.
Respect yourself AT LEAST as much as you respect his relationships with others.
When you say “we,” do you mean “he has convinced me to be more understanding and open-minded?” Because his role in this is not to be more understanding and open-minded; his role is to treat you with respect and place you above friendships with his ex.
Dump him.
The man has no respect for you. At least have some respect for yourself.
I think there are certainly times when hanging out with an ex is fine. I also agree that there may be some very real cultural differences in relationships- in my experience, expectations and acceptable behavior were very different in China than America, and this could lead to problems. Cross-cultural relationships really do take some care.
I also think this particular guy is not boyfriend material for you. There are ways to disagree with you without disrespecting you. From what I can tell, he is only worried about himself and his goals, and has little concern for you. He’ll probably tell you whatever you need to hear to keep you hanging around, but I bet very little will change. Meanwhile, you sound like you are afraid of being alone, and will believe whatever you need to believe to hold on to this,
I think the question now is how long you let this go one before you let yourself realize that he’s not what you are looking for. If this is how he normally acts, then it is going to end eventually. The real question is how much of your time you let him waste. There are men out there who will give you what you want without compromises. There are men who will adore you, who will thank their lucky stars every day they found you, and who will come close to the tears of the thought of potentially doing something that hurts you. I have a friend who just adores his wife, and is always posting pictures of her on facebook. She is not particularly beautiful, but in these shots, you can see how beautiful she is to him.
Go find one of those guys. You don’t need this one.
I think you should step back and look at this for a moment. Is this really a matter of “we,” or is one of you leading this behavior? I bet your arguments are not just mutual catharsis. I bet it’s part of a pattern, with each of you taking a specific role, and I bet it is not an equal one. Is he really sulking and getting hurt, or is it just you?
This is not normal. Healthy relationships have disagreements, but those come in the form of discussions, not rants or harsh words. If you are feeling significant emotional distress on a regular basis, it’s time to move on. It seems to me like he is creating this drama to keep you addicted. He builds you up and tears you down, and you just keep coming back for more. It took me a long time, but eventually you learn that this is not love, it’s not mutual, and it is dangerous.
It took me a long time to realize that I could expect more and ask for more. I was scared to be alone, and too full of pride to “give up” on a difficult guy. But you know what? It’s not worth it.
Actually, it was on the Dope that I got my best piece of insight- never make a man a priority when he is only making you an option.
It’s all well and good to say you respect his relationships, and don’t want to hurt him, but this is what it looks like from the outside: He’s using you as a placeholder until this other woman is “ready” for a relationship with him, whatever that means. If you two are sleeping together, he doesn’t want to give up the sex with you when he’s not getting any from her, so when you start to talk about breaking up, he suddenly gets nicer to you. But he’s told you he can’t talk to you about things on the same level that he talks to her…what, is he saying you are dumb? That’s the way to charm a girl! And from HER stand-point, she’s feeling pretty powerful because she can manipulate him and make him exclude his own girlfriend from his social life! She can just string him along, essentially dating him without any of that messy sex business, and can make him feel protective of her, instead of you, by implying that she is afraid of what you might do to her. She is probably loving the hell out of this situation! Some women get off on going after men who are involved with other women, even if they don’t really want them. It might just be a game to her until she finds someone else of her own. if you truly dumped him, cut him free, and he pressed her to take him back, he might be very surprised to find out she doesn’t really want him at all. Then he might start begging you to take him back.
That’s just what it looks like to me from the outside. I’m assuming that he is NOT Asian? And that’s why he thinks he can put you down by implying you don’t understand the cultural nuances here?
Stop being so concerned for his feelings. He may be a really nice guy, but he’s not crazy about you. You deserve to have the time and opportunity to find someone who is. And he needs to find out what it feels like to be alone. Right now he’s probably all puffed up, thinking he’s such a stud because he has these two women and all this drama. The only one who is going to be hurt is you. Don’t believe what he says to you…believe what he does. The next time he goes out with her, break it off. Or go to where they are and watch how he acts around her, how he treats her. If he’s treating her better than you…walk.
You need to dumb that ZERO and get yourself a HERO honey!
sigh
divisibleBYone, when you first posted here, what was your intention?
Were you asking for advice?
If so, you’ve gotten lots of it, and it’s all saying pretty much the same thing. I know you are in a difficult situation, and it is much easier for those of us on the outside looking in. But if you really came here seeking our advice, you would be wise to go another step further and actually follow it.
Or were you just trying to get a better understanding of this so-called “Western culture” so you could put your boyfriend’s behavior in the proper context?
If this is the case, then I’ll paraphrase the answer to that one: His line about western culture allowing the behavior you describe is bullshit. Baloney. Malarkey. Pure crap. This is not about culture, it’s about respect, and he appears to have none for you. On top of that, he is using your difference in upbringing against you by attempting to confuse you into excusing his bad behavior, and in fact trying to convince you that it’s your fault. That alone should cause you to seriously reconsider your relationship with him.
Or, mabe you just came here to vent, to get some things off your chest while you were mad at your boyfriend. Okay then, that happens here a lot too. Fine. You are not obligated in any way to do anything we suggest. But the quantity and content of the responses your OP has generated should, at the very least, give you some food for thought.
You say that your BF is a “nice guy,” and I assume you describe him as such because he doesn’t hit you or yell at you. Maybe he takes you out and buys you things? Maybe the sex is good? Yes, you could describe all those things as “nice.” But please realize that he is also doing things to you that are definitely not nice. Those are the things that are making you feel bad. Does this relationship make you feel bad more than it makes you feel good? If so, why are you still in it?
I urge you to go back and re-read every word in this this thread. Twice. And realize that every word was written by somebody who – it seems to me – has your best interests at heart far more than your boyfriend does.