Worlds oldest snake in captivity decides to be a mommy without a males help at 62
We’re expecting a baby
Congratulations!
I’ll give you a rattle.
When should I get my flu shot?
When searching for a job
(cough, cough) “Not to worry, I got my flu shot this morning.”
Why is Star Wars so popular?
Nothing new in American art/culture since 1980?
That’s why I still like it because everything else is derivative.
When searching for a job
Do sensitive people like dark humour more than less sensitive people?
“You look like a sensitive interviewer who likes a good laugh. What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?”
America is Sterilizing ICE Detainees!? What-The-Actual-Fuck…?
As if the cockroaches weren’t enough (Moving woes)
FIRST they move me into prison, THEN it’s full of cockroaches, and THEN I get forcibly sterilized! What a week!
Things that were done in your childhood that would never be allowed today
Rough bars and bar fights
“C’mon kid, put up your dukes, it’ll be good for you. Loser buys the beer!”
What is the health plan for families of ex Vice Presidents?
Judge: “You can either join the Army or go to jail.”
“Sarge, I got this pain in my right side…”
“Awright, Pence, report to the infirmary after you finish your KP duty!”
Diarrhea: Deadly and Not
Famous couples with the same first name
Ahhh, I remember when Diarrhea Deadly first went out with Diarrhea Not. The press was speculating on if the pairing should be called DeadNot.
What does it mean to be “buying into the cashless agenda?”
U.S. Senate races 2020
The candidates prefer cash, but will also gladly accept credit card payments, cashiers’ checks, bank transfers, bitcoin…
You wake up tomorrow to any amazing and true headline you want, what is it?
Advice on powerline adapters
Way to go after the important stuff.
Online dating during quarantine!
What is the FULL title of your cat?
Mistress Hellcat is getting lots of attention from the BDSM crowd.
Today in nature I saw
“Terrible Maps”
My hiking partner tried to convince me they were just litter, but I know they grow wild in the forest!
How comfortable are you around those with different political opinions?
Tell me about compression socks for edema
You know who else wore compression socks? Hitler!
What Could Superman Do to Fight Wildfires?
Help with HVAC filters
He could do that, sure. Seems like a bit of a waste of his unique abilities, though…
Things that were done in your childhood that would never be allowed today
Incarcerated Voting
We had Mama jailed for voting for Dick Nixon, but it was all in good fun.
Cars that you used to see everywhere, but now have disappeared from the roads, part II
My very first MMP!
Yeah, I never see Mazda Miata Pros on the road anymore.
Expand the court
How much developable land is left in the US?
Not enough for the expanded court amirite?
What is your favourite slang expression?
Frozen custard
“Man, that new Tiktokker is just the frozen custard, if ya can grab what I’m tryin’ to yeet at ya.”
How will Michael Richard Pence be remembered
Rough bars and bar fights
LOL, serves him right!
Amazon scam I’m not familiar with
When You Grunt, Push, And Strain To Defecate, What’s Actually Happening
I dunno, but I’m not opening the package.