Non-political Trump question
What are you going to do in your last week on earth?
C’mon, it’s way too early to get depressed about the election.
What inexplicable things does your cat do?
Free dive to bottom of Mariana Trench, yes or no?
A few times, yes. But he stopped when he found out there were no tuna down there.
Little dirty tricks
Looking To Buy My First Telescope
They’re so little I have to buy a telescope to see them.
Should I/How do I report suspected food poisoning to the CDC
Is V-8 Enough
Yeah, it’s a weird orange-red color and it’s fulla vegetables fer chrissake. Gotta be poisonous.
What can you say to a non-white person who hates BLM so much
Flies! Friggin’ flies!
Yeah, just change the subject gracefully.
Today in nature I saw
Kleenex boxes - Am I nuts or is this normal?
It’s nuts to consider them natural, but not nuts to see them occasionally.
Most intelligent marsupial
Why did Communists carry cards?
They fit nicely into little Commie pouches.*
*although opossums generally aren’t into collective action.
What is the worst or most condescending advice you have been given?
M-O-O-N that spells MMP
That manages to be both, as well as not a little bizarre.
Is it illegal to have a clothed erection in public?
Musicians inappropriately “getting into the music
Doesn’t get much more inappropriate than that.
Heh. “Getting into the music” indeed.
What can you say to a non-white person who hates BLM so much
Which US Presidents need a definitive book written about them?
Changing the topic of conversation is often effective.
Dear Scientists, After you create the COVID vaccine, would you please invent
Kleenex boxes - Am I nuts or is this normal?
You’re nuts.
Oh, the scourge, the heartbreak and embarrassment. And the pain, yes PAIN
I’m in love with a vacuum cleaner
It’s heartbreaking to know they’ll never love you back, and pretty painful if you attempt certain acts on certain models.
Today in nature I saw
Oh, the scourge, the heartbreak and embarrassment. And the pain, yes PAIN
Man up, it’s just a friggin’ mosquito bite.
Enalzi is no more. Hail Bort!
Thoughts on an Epstien like operation
Weirdest names you’ve ever heard
Weirdest names you’ve ever heard
Are you ethnic?
Cause ethnic people have weird names amirite?
I’ve never figured out
If the World Was Going to End in Six Months
Yeah, it probably is. (A pandemic! Murder hornets! And there’s a comet.)
I had a burger, fries, and a cold draft beer at a bar
I got hired by the Census!
Yeah, it’s hard to find good help these days. 
If the World Was Going to End in Six Months
Grocery Coupons: Worth it or not worth it?
I could die happy, if I knew I’d gotten 50 cents off on an 8-pack of toilet paper.
What is the worst or most condescending advice you have been given?
Thoughts on an Epstien like operation
To do, or not to do…