If it were me, I’d have laughed heartily until I noticed you weren’t laughing too, at which point my smile would fade as I tried to remember whether my suitcase was in the attic or the basement.
This. All of this.
Everything we do, we do for the team. Makes life *real *easy.
This is of course good advice. But the trouble comes when you genuinely don’t like what is offered. What do you do? Just except it without saying anything for the rest of your life?
I don’t understand what is so hard about this…Just do it yourself…sooooo…easy! Your deeper issues, on the other hand, need pro-help, I believe.
So, if your SO offers you a drink, and you know that he/she will make it wrong, then you should just do it yourself, to ensure it’s done correctly?
Then it seems you have a solution to your problem. Just ask for 1/4 cup. Why are we two pages into this thread if that works?
OTOH … Ref Dseid’s wise post #56.
The wife will (probably) overreact to the implied criticism of him saying “Thanks for the kind offer of a drink dear. But no thanks, I’ll get it myself.”
How does one “win” in that situation? Where winning is not “good for him; bad for her”. But rather “Both parties are happy and nobody is stressed or disappointed.”
IMO these two people don’t fit very well together. Which means stress and disappointment are a too-large part of their every day. Coming up with the least bad alternative isn’t easy. It’s far from obvious to me that your solution is their least bad solution.
Most of these relationship threads are a real Rorschach test for the rest of us. It does sound like your proposed solution fits the challenges in your life. Just as my proposed solution fits mine.
I agree
OP has stated he has known SO 25 years…these issues should have smoothed out by now. Unless her /his personality has recently changed, which is another can of worms entirely
MHO is that we don’t know that. We know there are things that don’t work perfectly. I’m guessing there have been and are aspects of living with his SO that HoneyBadgerDC has found appealing and that she finds satisfaction in as well. It may even be that some of the same aspects that play out as dysfunctions have at some level been part of the appeal as well: for some being needed and caring for is important and it seems like HoneyBadgerDC has felt needed by and that he has cared for his SO, for example. He just wants to sometimes be needy and cared for as well. (All from his POV, which is the filter we have to view through.)
We know that HoneyBadgerDC has a minor frustration in not being able to enjoy getting the half glass he actually wants from her when she’s up and offering to get him a drink, and that more fundamentally he is frustrated that she does not seem to be listening to him and that their communication patterns (from his POV due to her negativity filter and longstanding insecurities) restrict his ability to ask for what he really wants without uncomfortable conflict resulting. To some degree he had to have been attracted to what he experiences as her fragility in the first place in addition to being frustrated by it.
We do not know how that plays out in the satisfaction they have with each other balance. Or if there is a way to recalibrate the balance so that he can be needy and vulnerable a bit more and she is the reliably there for him needed one more. I’m not sure there is. They’ve played their mutual parts a long time.
You have posted in this thread 14 times. You’ve made your point clear by now. All of your posts have been pretty much the same exact thing…saying the same stuff and being very little by way of helpful other than just berating the OP.
Nobody else in this thread is posting their same opinion over and over and over. If you have nothing else left to add to this topic other than to continually pile onto the OP, there is the Pit for that.
Ok, I get it. No more from me on this thread.