**Movies you’ve seen recently
My chocolate tastes like cardboard! **
The sequel to Like Water for Chocolate
** Attn: Johnny LA.
This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife**
Cripes, couldn’t you just have pitted him?
**Questions delivered to God (aka The Supreme Consciousness)
It’s illegal in my state, but …
Have you ever been the victim of crime?
How can I get over the fear of growing old and dying?
Is soda water a complimentary water or a paid fountain drink?
Where are the sequential threads of yesteryear? **
Being crucified was no fun. Everybody dies. Order a regular soda instead. On the Internet.
**Your response is a porn title!
Bakers Dozen **
I guess it had 13 “stars”
** Tell me about Erie, PA
Ask the man who evades the question
**
“I’ll tell you about Erie, later. But let me tell you this…”
**It’s illegal in my state, but …
More uses for drone strikes **
I’ve got a list, if it weren’t for those darned drone control laws!
** Should I visit Toronto in January?
Thinking about space heaters? **
Now that you mention it…
It’s illegal in my state, but …
Where are the sequential threds of yesteryear?
There’s a pretty big business smuggling sequential threads into my state.
** Hurricane Patricia is going to be a bad one, they say.
What Did You think of Hillary’s Performance?**
A lot of wind. But I hear they’re finally downgrading the storm to a Category -5.
**What’s the most unique job you’ve ever had?
Flat earth clowns! **
Scares the children even more than regular clowns!
Why are gun owners not required to carry insurance?
Common sense gun legislation?
Depends on who you ask.
** Best Autobiography Titles
“Tiger, Tiger, Burning Bright” - but how do you make it rhyme? **
By Tiger Woods
The Idaho Government Once Forced Beavers to Skydive With WWII Parachutes
There Are Whales Alive Today Who Were Born Before Moby Dick Was Written
We Have Pigeon Eggs
“No, Bob, I don’t know what’s going on. It’s just that… that…
it feels like the animals are taking over.”
Fastest recorded speed of matter
Exploding Soup
I’m surprised Campbell’s doesn’t use this fact in their advertising.
Woman really likes her Jimmy Dean Sausage
sex eyes closed
do females actually enjoy giving blow jobs
High pressure Halloween costume advice
Order now, they’re going fast.
**sex eyes closed
Got wood? **
In bed for the weekend and bored. Entertain me!
Got wood?
Why do so many African leaders have english/western first names?
Tongue burn from too many Sweet Tarts?
Yeah, Mom wanted to name the kid Ghulaam Jabulani, but then she overdid the Sweet Tarts and it came out as “Goodluck Jonathan”.
**It’s 2100; Is mankind 'Happy"?
Got wood?
**
Is that a Q-34 explosive space modulator in your pocket, or…?