“Rather than explain what he actually means, si, soy Cubano.”
My cousin was at the age when they start learning faces have names. Gramma had him sitting on her lap and was pointing at people around the kitchen.
“Who’s that?” “Mommy!”
“Who’s that?” “Rita!”
“Who’s that?” “Becky!”
Then she pointed at herself.
“Who’s this?” “BOOBIE!”
Our three year old has been saying “Have you ever killed anyone?” for a week or so. WE had no idea where she got this until last night. Her most recent favorite movie is Lilo and Stitch. Lilo asks Bubbles, the social worker, if he’s ever killed anyone. Why she took that one line I’ll never know but she has.
My niece, at around age 2, somehow knew I had a girlfriend, and knew that GF and I were flying into town for Christmas. We got in kind of late at night, past niece’s bedtime. The next morning I got up early, but GF decided to sleep in 'til the crack of noon. When I saw my niece, the first thing she said was “Where’s your other tdn?”
I had brought my niece round visit her great-grandmother. We were about to leave so I told my niece to say bye to Ga-ga. This is what she said:
“See ya later, glasses teeth head!”
Then when we got out to the car she continued to discuss her Ga-ga, saying: “she’s got a house on her head, she’s got a lampost on her head, she’s got a tree on her head…” Think she was just naming stuff she saw as we drove around. It had me chuckling for days, especially as she later called her other great-grandmother “baseball bat cricket teeth.” No idea where she gets this stuff from!
I sent this thread to my sister who has just replied to me with a story about my niece:
Of course, in this case, I know exactly where she came up with this stuff. 
A few years ago I was in a car with a kid and we were telling knock knock jokes. Every one he told was
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Lamp post car truck
Lamp post car truck who?
Lamp post car truck sign tree
When he was a little younger he wanted to ask his mom a question. She was in a bad mood and crying while she was eating lunch. “Mommy, I hate to interrupt your sad lunch, but…”
In a public bathroom while, ah, evacuating in a stall. My three-year-old son was standing in front of me because he’d just peed. He hears me starting to go, whirls around, pries my legs open and yells, “Mommy! You pooped! You get the ride the schoolbus, too! Yay!” He dances around, clapping for a while and when he quiets down, I hear a discrete snicker from a couple of stalls over.
Also, at the Renaissance Faire, we listened to some pirate music. I still can’t get him to stop singing pirate shanties. He’ll run around here and at daycare dancing while singing at the top of his lungs,
“Give me two shots of whiskey and a half pint of rum! A whole yard of beer and, just to have some fun, some of me pappy’s corn liquor…Give me two shots of whiskey and a half pint of rum!” Then the song ends with “Six naked mermaids…they beckoned me to come over and granted me a wish, and I woke up with me trousers down and smelling like a fish!” Unfortunately, he’s not only very understandable, but has remarkable timing, like most kids. I hope that guy in Borders didn’t get hurt when he snorted coffee out his nose.
Ahhh yes…The Littlest Briston has been on a big Lilo & Stitch kick as well. It took awhile for it to sink in that while that one alien might call the other alien “crazy head” every time she watches the movie, she still wasn’t allowed to call anyone that name.
She is starting to gain an appreciation for Elvis though, which I can get behind…
I heard about this one second hand, because I wasn’t home at the time.
MrsKTG (to my 3 year old daughter) Do you want some (something I can’t remember, but it’s a carbohydrate)
Daughter: No, I’m watching my calories.
Once, in the middle of summer so we hadn’t had any snow in ages, my friend’s then 5-year-old turned to me and said, in a very serious, grave voice:
“Sometimes, the snow goes away.”
Our three year old has taken to reciting oddly inappropriate tag lines from movies.
The other day he walked over to his (religious, Christian) grandma and earnestly recited in a low voice:
“I am the Beast!”
[From Wallace and Gromit]
Another day, he answered the door with me and told a visitor:
“You do not know the power of the dark side!”
[And he’s never even seen Star Wars]
I have a niece who used to think that my parents lived in the sky. After all, that’s where they came from whenever they visited, and when they went away they went back up to the sky.
She once gave them directions to her house. “Come out of the sky, go up the street, and turn right at the stick.”
A friend of mine had a little sister who had heard her mother talking about Miami. After that, she always referred to it as “Mom’s ami.”
Actually, the funniest thing our guy has ever said was something he said when just a toddler - maybe a year or so. He was walking, that I remember.
We took him to the musem one afternoon, to see an exhibit of peruvian gold artifacts. He was very interested and gravely examined each one.
One of the artifacts was a huge, scary looking gold mask of a god. It was wearing an exaggerated angry frown and was much larger than life sized for a person. Our son’s eyes lit up as he saw this, and he toddled towards it, raised a chubby finger to point at it, and said in a happy voice:
“Dada! Dada!”
There were about five other people watching this, and they just about laughed themselves to death. 
When my daughter was 3 or 4, my wife brought her to the supermarket. When they got in line to pay for the groceries, there was a tall, lanky, golden-haired man in line behind them. As soon as my daughter noticed him, she shouts, “Look mom, it’s C3PO!”
We’re at a restaurant, enjoying a lunch; me, my wife, my 10 year old girl, and my 6 year old son. He spots someone’s purse, with a few bills sticking out of the wallet inside. My son says to my wife, “Mom, that’s the money you could be saving with Geico!”
That reminds me of this one time…
Kid was a bit older, I think he was turning ten the next day. We were at a concert listening to a folk singer. In between songs the singer started talking about f-ing this and f-ing that and how everything’s all f-ed up, and f it all. He then said “Wait… Are there kids in the audience?” A few annoyed mothers said that yes, there were indeed children there. The singer apologized, and everyone kind of laughed. The kid in front of me piped up “My dad says that all the time.” The dad pretty much turned bright red and wanted to shrink under his seat. All the funnier because everyone there knew him.
My daughter was starting to talk in sentences. She had a cold, her nose was runny and she asked me for an X. No, that doesn’t stand for anything, she just said she wanted an ‘X.’ I realized that earlier the day, she had tried to wipe her nose on something inappropriate and I had said, “Wait, use a Kleenex.” She heard it as a “clean X.”
Years and years ago, I was walking a six-year-old to the park, and we were stopped at a major intersection, waiting for the light.
A big ol’ diesel truck trundled by, spewing fumes the way they do, and the little guy wrinkled his nose and exclaimed, “It’s a stinky world!”
I still think of that astute little observation fairly regularly. 
Everyone knows the story of Star Wars.