My son was about 2 maybe 3 years old.
We were in a restaurant when suddenly he announces that he can bang his balls together
All conversation stopped, a deathly hush descends. Sprog then produces his “Clackers” and gives a demo.
Clackers for those not in the know were 2 plastic balls attached to a string which you somehow manipulated causing them to clack against each other, sounded like machine gun fire
I think my daughter was about one year old, and not talking yet. I was wheeling her in her stroller through the aisles of a local department store, and we came to the software aisle . This was the era when software was still usually sold in big cardboard boxes, with a couple of CDs or even a few floppies inside. They would display the boxes, and keep the actual software behind the counter somewhere. Suddenly she knew she really wanted a particular software box. It was above her reach but she stretched out her hands towards it and made excited oo-oo-oo-ooo noises, so I reached it down own and handed it to her. She hugged it happily, tight to her body, with both arms. It had a sort of spiraly abstract pattern on it. Eventually, I thought I had better pry the box out of her arms and move on. She was not at all happy about that, but eventually I got it from her and saw what it was: software to help you “Revise for Your SATs”!*
She is 13 now, and still very serious about her schoolwork. 
*For non-Americans, that is, like, the college entrance exam.
My seven-year-old daughter and I were watching Nine Months recently and during the birth scene, she gave me a slightly puzzled look and asked, “Is she [Julianne Moore] wearing any panties?” Knowing she meant the character and not the actress herself, I said no, she wasn’t. She thought about that for a few seconds and then stated emphatically, “Well, I’M wearing panties [when it came time for her to have a baby]!” I chuckled and told her that she wouldn’t be able to do that, and naturally she wanted to know why. It not being the time for a detailed lecture on childbirth, I simply replied that the baby wouldn’t be able to come out properly if she did. She thought about that for another few seconds, and then a look of absolute incredulity mixed with a slight amount of horror crossed her face.
“You mean the baby comes out of your BUTT?!?!?!?”
All I could manage to say without rolling on the floor howling with laughter was, “Well, sort of–close to it!”
THIS IS GOLD. (Put it on a t-shirt and you will sell gobs!)
Hope your knitting recovers.
Ater telling my 3 year old that we’ll get her some Tinkerbell underwear, she asked if she can get a bra, too! That was a conversation I wasn’t prepared for at 7:00 am before my coffee!
My 4 yo has a bra. Sorta. She picked up the set when we went shopping for underwear, she only wears it at home and she proudly tells us “I look just like mommy”.
By the way, she decided early on that “mommies have boobies, kids and daddies have titties”. Huh?
Along the lines of Chanteuse’s post:
When we had the talk with our daughters (9 and 6) and we got to the part about - as Cartman’s mom so elegantly put it - where the hoo-ha dilly goes in the cha-cha, my oldest literally gave us a double take, and while looking about to puke, said in the most incredulous voice:
“Wait. . . what?!?!?”
I wish we could have taken video - it was classic.
Then there was the time my 2 1/2 year old son had just gotten out of the bath and wouldn’t let us fully dress him, so he was running around in a guitar t-shirt no bottoms. He stopped stock still in front of the TV, took the typical guitar-god stance, pulled the end of his penis as far as it would go, and said “Daddy, my penis is a guitar string! (makes guitar power chord sound whilst flicking it)”.
My friends five year old walked in and claimed that he “Knocked up” the girl next door. He thought it meant “beat up” which was just as ridiculous as the girl in question was 16 or 17 and would have thumped him good.
My son, who was about 2-3 years old, once walked in on his Dad exiting the shower. He chatted a minute with Dad as he dried off, and then matter-of-factly–in the same tone of voice one would use to speak of an arm or a foot–my boy said, “You’ve got a BIG doober!”
I was just in the next room and could hear everything clearly, but I’m not sure what DH’s immediate reply to our son was, because I was laughing hysterically. Later, DH remarked through his own laughter, “What do you say to something like that? Thanks?”
“You’re thank me for the genes some day, son.”
My five year old neice came home from school and proudly announced she was a ‘calendar girl.’ While her parents choked, she went on to say, “I got to change the numbers on the calendar today!”
Same kid comes up to me and says “Auntie MoA, can I be a hot girl?” Stalling for time, I ask, “Honey, what’s a hot girl?” She says, “Like LavaGirl. You know, on the movie ‘Shark Boy and Lava Girl’” I tell her, “Sure, baby, you can be a hot girl.”
I love that kid.
My daughter, six at the time, had a similar reaction. She’d cornered mom with the question of how the baby gets out of mommy’s tummy. Mom gave a very succinct explanation. Daughter looked skeptical for a moment, and then said loudly, “Are you KIDDING ME!?!?!?”
That’s hilarious! My three-year old, when presented with the basics, said, “Mommy, that’s just ridiculous” after I told him. He’d been concerned that the baby would bust out of my stomach and break me. He’s also been trying to feed me teddybears so the baby can play with them. I haven’t figured out a good way to explain exactly how it got in there - he is so far convinced that I swallowed it like a pill and can’t be told otherwise.
I wasn’t there, but when my mom explained the facts of life to my youngest brother, his response was, “Oh, so that’s what it’s for.”
One of my nephews has been introducing himself as Luke Skywalker.
His older brother, now age 10, has been getting into horror movies, and has been requesting certain ones. The problem is, he only knows the plots, not the titles. Okay, guy in hockey mask with an axe? Easy to figure out. However…
“Is there a movie with zombies in it?”
Yes.
“Is there one where the zombies are in a graveyard?”
Yes.
“Is there one like that where the zombies want to eat brains?”
Uhm, you’re not narrowing it down much…
Yesterday she told me “mommy, daddy has a long tissetår* and you and I have a round one. Why?”. Unluckily she was not satisfied with a “boys and girls are different”, she wanted to know *why *they are different. I am not really sure how to answer this one though.
*When my daughter was a baby my husband will chant “tissetår! tissetår! (“little puddle of pee” in Danish)” when he changed her diaper. She figured that tissetår was the name for human genitalia, and since she has to learn the same words in three different languages we haven’t gotten around to disabusing her of the notion.
Much like tdn’s story, my daughter thought for the longest time that her grandmother and aunt lived at the Raleigh-Durham airport.
I’m reading Sookie Stackhouse novels right now, and my 17 month old pointed at the Dracula-esque vampire on the cover and said happily, “Da-da! Da-da!”
When my older one was 3 or 4, I went to physical therapy quite often for my neck. She would ask me, “Mommy, are you going to the physical fairy?”
She’s 6 now. Last week she walked in on us in flagrante, and said, “It’s OK, I won’t tell anyone.”
Just last night, she was asking to go to the dentist (ya, we’re lucky), and I explained she couldn’t go on Friday, because the dentist’s office is closed on Fridays. She took a “pleading with the universe” kind of posture and said, “Why? Why would they do such a thing?!”
I didn’t think anything could top the OP, but ivylass has poured music on this thread.
When my brother’s kid was just a toddler my parents had gone to visit them but didn’t want my dad to smoke in the house. Whenever my dad went out on the back step to smoke a cigarette, Carter would run to the side window to watch him smoke with fascination and then stare at the butt on the ground next to the driveway.
A month or so later, apparently, they were at the mall walking through the parking lot and passed a dirty cigarette butt floating in a mud puddle. Carter pointed at it and shrieked excitedly: "PA-PAW!!!"
Ah, the unjustness of the universe as only a child could see it.