Which contrived and artificial choice do you make?

In My Humble Opinion
1

You can either

Become a resident for one week in Rush Limbaugh’s toilet

Have 1,000 bamboo shards slowly inserted deep into your finger and toe nails over the period of one day

Have your eyes forcibly opened and your head locked in place, forced to watch 24 hours of the most vile and disturbing porn available on the planet

Weevils, fleas, ticks, and other assorted vermin will infest your armpits for a month, and cannot be eradicated

You are locked away in a iron-maiden type device for 3 days, which will slowly close on you each time you breathe, and has been designed such that it will just barely start to poke its needles into your body right at the end IF you managed to breathe at a normal waking rate, but if your rate speeds up for any reason (such as, perhaps, from stress), it will naturally close more quickly.

I’m sure you are constantly faced with such choices on a daily basis, so it should be easy to decide for an old soul such as yourself.

2

Fleas don’t infest humans.

That’s all I’ve got to say.

ETA: Good on you - those threads were getting horrific.

3

I’ll be happy to camp out in Rush’s potty as long as I don’t have to listen to his radio show :stuck_out_tongue:

4

Link to the porn one?

5

“Is there someone else we can talk to?”

6

Whew. Glad to know this is a parody. I never read those other threads. A quick mouse-over dissuaded me.

7

Heavens to betsy, I sure hope this is a parody. :slight_smile:

8

I chose to have sex with the supermodel.

What do oyu mean that wasn’t one of the options?

9

I’ll take the bamboo slivers. I’ve had that pain before, and I could probably handle it some more.

10

I’ll hang out in Rush’s toilet IF I can have a couple of those bamboo shards to use as I see fit.

11

I likes me them pr0n! Yum!

12

Option 3 is not even at all terrible. It’s almost like you could have replaced it with, “Go on a blind date with someone who you would end up having a pretty awkward time with.” Same level of awfulness to me

13

Rush shits excellence!

Even after mexican food.

14

Yeah. One of these things is NOT like the other.

When you say Rush’s toilet, do you mean like, literally in his toilet, or just in his bathroom?

15

“No. Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a.”

16

I vote for the porn unless it involves Rush Limbaugh.

17

Oh yes, it is quite nice-a. [i.e. the former-assume nice and roomy]

You sure? For 24 hours? You are aware of just how horrible some of the porn options are our there, aren’t you? :smiley: Two girls one cup is just the tip of the iceberg. Then again in our jaded little age, even for the most depraved stuff we can just take one of those trendy detached postmodernist ironic stances on, can’t we? :cool:

[Yes this should still be considered a parody, for those keeping score at home.]

18

I’ll have sex with my mother.