[QUOTE}One of the most poignant has got to be the spoof of the OJ trial:
Troy McClure: “The Simpson’s writers actually wrote a separate ending having someone else kill Mr. Burns, but for that to be true, we’d have to ignore all the Simpson DNA evidence…Heh, heh.”
-Tcat **[/QUOTE]
Actually, the ending was “And that would be down right nutty.” That line kills me.
I also love “C-U-P. I wanna C-U-oh, my goodness.”
There are several, but the line “I was now free to wallow in my own crapulence” is just such great writing. As is Lunch Lady Doris scooping “stuff” out of a 55 gallon drum labelled “Horse Testicles.” “More testicles means more iron.” What a great sig line that would be.
Homer:: Yes, I am naked and reeking of panda love…
Skinner:: The 1st academic alert is for Ralph Wiggam…
Ralph:: I won!! I won!!
Lisa::(to Bart) Jessica is sweet, innocent preacher’s daughter, and you’re the Devil’s cobana boy!
Marge::The way I see it, you raised three children who could knock out and hog-tie a perfect stranger, you must be doing something right.
The scene where Homer tries to stop Apu’s wedding by dressing up as Ganeesh(sp?) always cracks me up.
The ENTIRE Bart-Ralph play-date episode, but especially when Bart is talking to Marge in his bedroom, and says something to the effect of:
Bart: But you have no idea what its like to be seen in public with a doofus.
::Homer saws hole through floor, pops head up, looks around::
Homer: D’oh!
::Homer pulls his head back through::
Bart: Nevermind.
Almost any time Homer puts on his reading glasses I giggle.
Another moment that makes me laugh is when Bart and Lisa attend the Krusty the Klown summer camp. When Krusty is on tape introducing the camp counselor, they keep dubbing in a voice saying, ‘Mr. Black’! It’s a riot!
Another moment where I’m sure to giggle like a school girl is in the episode where Lisa thinks she’s got the Simpson gene that makes her dumb. Homer gathers his relatives on the front lawn. All the men look like Homer except for some minor details. Those characters are so damn funny!
Oh man, there are several-
Homer “Hello, my name is Mr. Burns, I believe you have a letter for me.”
**Postal Guy **“OK Mr. Burns, whats your first name please?”
Homer “I don’t know.”
When Bart puts Homers beer in the paint shaker at the hardware store and returns it to the fridge. He then proceeds to turn up the heat in the house and give Homer pretzels until he opens it. The house pretty much explodes in a mushroom cloud.
When Homer gets kicked out of Moes. Homers Twin goes into Moes and gets the crap kicked out of him and thrown outside. Homer see him when he walks by.
Homer “That man is my identical twin!!! That dog has a poofie tail!!! Here poof, here poof!! HEHEHEHEH!!”
The sandwich. Homer kept eating it for weeks afterwards and it always sent him to the hospital.
Homer “Enough of you. Damn you sandwich, damn you” And throws it in the garbage. (or something along those lines)
seconds later “Oh, I can’t be mad at you.”
There are many more, but I have to go to work now 
At the end of the “Mr. Plow” episode, when Marge and Homer are about to…go at it, Homer makes a weather prediction:
“Occasional flurries of gettin’ it aawwwnnnnnn!”
Oh. And the “D’oh!” “A Deer” “A female deer” bit was Homer, Lisa and Marge, in the Stampy the Elephant episode
All the moments mentioned above are classic. Some other faves:
Lisa: Dad, you have to read a REAL book!
Homer: Is TV Guide a real book?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Sniglets?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Katharine Hepburn’s "Me?
Lisa: NO!
Marge’s mom: I was the prettiest girl in Springfield—it drove all my friends crazy!
Homer’s dad: Oh? Which friends?
Marge’s mom: Oh . . . Zelda Fitzgerald . . . Frances Farmer . . . little Sylvia Plath . . .
God, where to start?!!
The episode when Marge tells Homer than Lisa needs braces. Homer goes to work and Mr. Burns threatens to take away all of his employees dental plan. Lenny says to Homer, “Good bye dental plan!” Homer then tries to work out this dilemma in his head…
Marge: “Lisa needs braces”
Lenny: “Dental plan”
Marge: “Lisa needs braces”
Lenny: “Dental plan”
Marge: “Lisa needs braces”
Lenny: “Dental plan”
Marge: “Lisa needs braces”
Lenny: “Dental plan”
The blank look on Homer’s face is priceless as his brain just can’t make the connection. Then he slowly realizes the problem and tried to spell it out outloud…
“If we give up our dental plan… I’ll have to pay for Lisa’s braces.”
Another one is the episode when Homer gets Apu fired.
Apu says to the Simpson family that the one way to get his job back is to go to the Kwick-E-Mart headquarters in India. Homer says to Apu…
“Apu, I’m coming along with you. I got you fired, it’s the least I can do. Well, the least I can do is absolutely nothing.”
Then Lisa warns Homer…
Lisa: “Dad, India is 12,000 miles away.”
Homer: “I’m aware of that.”
Lisa: “That’s 24,000 kilometers.”
Homer: “Doh!”
Of course, the best joke is when they actually get to the Kwick-E-Mart headquarters. Homer and Apu go inside and walk up to the Great Kwick-E-Mart Master. The sign behind the Master says,
“Master knows all - except for combination to safe.”
Brilliant!
When I think of more, I’ll post them.
The scene: A Springfieldian mob stands outside the schoolhouse, ready to lynch Principal Skinner and Ms. Krabappel for their illicit affair.
Mrs. Lovejoy: We’re not talking about love. We’re talking about S-E-X. In front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N!
Krusty: Sex Cauldron? I thought they closed that place down!
Never fails to make me snort.
I giggle in the episode where the kids are taken from Bart and Marge and get stuck with the Flanders. Homer goes up to Lisa’s room and says he’d love to hear her playing her saxaphone - he grabs it and sticks it in his mouth and says, though the saxaphone,
“Sax-a-ma-phone! Sax-a-ma-phone!”
heh.
Also, when Santa’s little helper is restless and they take him to the vet because he’s being destructive. The pet shop worker puts his hands on the dog’s head because he claims to have telepathic power (only shared by 2 other workers at the same pet shop). He then proceeds to read the dog’s thoughts which are something like this:
“Iiiii’m bored…I’m…restless…need…diamond studded collar…” (something like that.)
Tibs.
In one episode Lisa becomes a vegitarian. Homer is having a BBQ. Two good scenes in that one.
They’re looking at the invitation:
Come to Homer’s BBQ, the extra B is for BYOBB.
Lisa: What’s that extra B for?
Homer: That’s a typo.
Also:
Homer (to Lisa): But Lisa, you don’t make friends with salad!
Bart: You don’t make friends with salad!
You don’t make friends with salad!
He starts a conga line and Homer joins in.
From the Springfield Hurricane episode…
Everybody is at the try-n-save making a run on food in anticipation of the storm. An old lady grabs Lisa
Old Lady: Looks like I got the last pineapple
Lisa: I’m not a pineapple, I’m a kid
Old Lady: That’s what the coconut said
Ralph: Hi Lisa, we’re gonna be in a pie
From the same episode. The Flanders are in the shelter and Rod has a second hand ‘Butthole Surfers’ T-shirt on
Rod: Look daddy, I’m a surfer
Call mister plow, thats my name, that name again is mister plow…
Tiburon, I LOVE that episode! The best part is a little later on…
Homer and Marge go to court to try to get the kids back.
Judge: I can see you sincerely want your children back, but you have a lot to learn about being parents. Before I can return your children, you’ll have to complete a course called “Family Skills”. It teaches parents to listen to their –
Homer: (interrupting) Communication, gotcha.
Judge: But it’s important to –
Homer: (interrupting) Listen, yes, I know.
Judge: But there’s more to it than –
Homer: (interrupting) I have listening skills!!!
Then Marge and Homer are in “Family Skills” class and Homer is up on stage with Cletus (the slack-jawed yokel) and they are doing an “exercise”…
Instructor: OK, let’s see if we’ve learned anything. I want you two to simulate a typical household problem. Go.
Cletus: (on Homer’s knee) Uh, Pa, I cut my finger on the screen door again.
Homer: Why you cotton-pickin’!!! – (Homer strangles Cletus)
This episode aired in syndication last night in my area, and it had one of those moments that always makes me laugh.
After Lisa gets fitted with those braces that looked like they were designed by a PCP-addled orthodontist from the Spanish Inquisition, she poses for her school picture. The photographer cajoles her to smile, and when she finally does, he exclaims in horror, “There is no God!”
It kills me every time.
Another one is a Halloween episode story, the one involving Bart’s evil twin. When the parents ask the doctor what to do with the evil twin, he says (IIRC), “Fire, and lots of it.”
[Linda Ronstadt]Senor Plow no es macho
Y solamente es un borracho…[/Linda Ronstadt]
My absolute favorite episode is the one where Ralph falls in love with Lisa because she gives him a Valentine.
Ralph: It says ‘I choo-choo-choose you’. And there’s a picture of a train!
And then later, after she breaks his heart at the Krusty special (the video of which Bart replays in slow motion), they work things out and she gives him another Valentine.
Ralph: It says ‘Let’s BEE friends’. And there’s a picture of a bee!
Hee hee hee. Ralph just kills me. “My cat’s breath smells like cat food.”
The Troy McClure eductional film extolling the virtues of meat from when Lisa becomes a vegetarian is pure genius from beginning to end:
First there’s the food chain, which ends with a shark taking down a gorilla from a tree that hangs over a river.
Then there’s–
“Bovine University.”
“Okay, Billy, let’s move on to the killing floor.”
“Killing floor?”
“Don’t let the name fool you–it’s really more of a grate that allows scraps and fluids to sluice through.”
“Those cows would kill you and everyone you love”…and then the shot of the cow staring into the camera.
And, of course, the [Comic Book Guy]best Ralph Wiggum quote EVER [/CBG]–“When I grow up, I want to graduate from Bovine University.”
Geez, warn me next time! I can’t stop giggling!
Aside: Usually, I can see the White House from my office window. But it’s foggy today, so I can’t tell if the moving vans have showed up or not. :D:D (written 1/19/01)
Whacking Day episode:
Lisa: Dad, don’t lower yourself to the level of the mob!
Homer: Lisa, maybe if I’m part of that mob, I can help steer it in wise directions."
I also love the Homer Phobia episode, guest starring John Waters. Almost everything in that ep cracks me up.
The Cartridge Family, where Homer buys a gun, is also great.
Homer: How am I going to go seven days without shooting anything?