Which would you consider to be a worse offense?

Of the following hypothetical scenarios, which would be more offensive to you and why.

  1. You find out that your SO has been looking at porn online.

  2. You find out that your SO received a naughty picture from someone with whom they chat online.

  3. You find out your SO has shown some of their friends naughty pictures of you that you took for them.

  4. Your SO suggests putting naked pictures of you online.

Change “them” to “him/her” and you would have a winner there.

Ranked from worst down:

  1. You find out your SO has shown some of their friends naughty pictures of you that you took for them. — This is bad.

  2. You find out that your SO received a naughty picture from someone with whom they chat online. — Not patently bad because your SO doesn’t really have control over what they get, but I’d be wondering what the hell they were talking about that the other person thought sending a naughty picture would be cool.

  3. Your SO suggests putting naked pictures of you online. — Meh.

  4. You find out that your SO has been looking at porn online. — Double meh.

1 is no big deal, 2 & 3 are breaches of trust unless otherwise sanctioned. 4, well, I don’t think there’s any harm in asking, necessarily.

Exactly agree.

None of those would bother me. But then, I’m a guy.

This works for me.

So, being a guy, it wouldn’t bother you for your SO to get a picture of a man’s penis in his/her email? My husband doesn’t usually do the jealous husband routine, but I am pretty sure that would tweak his noodle to no end…

On a related note – is your SO getting naked pictures of someone he/she knows personally more or less offensive than looking at random porn (in any format)?

1, 3 and 4 wouldn’t bother me in the least.

2 would result in a little discussion, but not necessarily fight-worthy. I’d probably be fine with it if it was done without secrecy; more concerned if I found out it had been purposely kept from me. But with full disclosure all along, I’m not too bothered by it.

Another vote for Doctor Who’s answer. :slight_smile:

I would switch the first 2.

While #3 is an obvious breach of trust, it is with friends (presumably known to you) and while potentially humiliating, indicates behavior that’s unlikely to go any farther than that.

#2, though, is sexually explicit material from a complete stranger–someone they’ve been communicating with (presumably) clandestinely, and the exchange of photos may only be the earliest of subsequent steps that are much greater violations of trust in the long run.

  1. You find out that your SO has been looking at porn online. **Who cares? **

  2. You find out that your SO received a naughty picture from someone with whom they chat online. **Could be a problem, probably should be curious. **

  3. You find out your SO has shown some of their friends naughty pictures of you that you took for them. **That would be very rude without permission. I would think this could be a pretty bad case of the SO no longer being trustworthy. **

  4. Your SO suggests putting naked pictures of you online. Well the SO is asking first, so it should not be a problem.

Jim

  1. It’s a problem if he’s downloading spyware onto the computer, spending a lot of money on online porn, or leaving it out where someone like our (hypothetical) kids or our visiting parents can see it, but otherwise meh.

  2. Depends a lot on whose idea it was to send the picture and why. It would definitely be disturbing if he were asking people he chats with online to send him dirty pictures because he felt attracted to them. Someone sending him an unsolicited goatse.cx link as a joke- not such a problem (well, other than the therapy bills…)

  3. Absolutely huge breach of trust, pretty much no matter what the circumstances.

  4. I’d say “no way in hell”, and be a little weirded out.

#2 would piss me off, I admit it. But the others? Meh.

  1. My issue. But not inherently offensive.
  2. I would want to know why the person thought that would be an ok thing to do. (Was it solicited? or did the other person just cross a line out of nowhere?)
  3. Inexcusably bad
  4. Asking isn’t an offense, but, for me, would be a warning sign that either (a) my SO doesn’t understand that you can never take something down from the internet or (b) we just have very different standards of privacy. Very, very different.
  1. hell I *send * my SO porn. And wouldn’t want him to give me a problelm with the porn I look at.

  2. I’d be a little concerned. Did she just send it or is there a relationship going on here? We’d have to have a long talk.

  3. That would be reallly rude. I’ve never sent anyone a picture I couldn’t reveal to the rest of the world…I don’t care if anyone knows knows what my netherlands look like. But it would be a betayal of trust…

  4. He could ask. See above. But he’d have to ask.

Maybe it’s just my own insecurity speaking, but I’d be kind of proud if my SO posted naked pictures of me on the web, with or without permission, so neither of those would be too bad. Granted, the posting without permission would be a bit rude, but the ego boost of his wanting to brag about me would outweigh my anger over the rudeness.

I wouldn’t be thrilled about his looking at porn, but hey, I know it’s something guys like to do, so I could live with it. Guys are pretty visual.

Number 2, though, unless my SO was completely bewildered as to why she sent it, would really piss me off.

Mind you, I have no SO and no expectations of one ever again. But my first long term boyfriend took some semi-naughty pics of me when he was getting into photography (I was the only model he had handy), and framed and hung one fairly close-up of my torso with underpants only in his office. It wasn’t recognizable as me, and it was a beautiful, artistic photo, but some of the other women were pretty horrified - it was well-known that we were living together so everyone knew it was me. Didn’t bother me in the least.

It wouldn’t bother me. We’re pretty open about things like that, and I’d (rightfully) assume that it was harmless, and not an indication of any sort of affair going on or anything like that. I wouldn’t be jealous or weirded out.

I’d have no problem with her looking at random porn. I’m not really able to put these things into any sort of hierarchy.

More than anything, I’m curious as to which of these has recently happened to you!

1)I’m all for that…but then again, I’m a guy.

2)If she asked for said picture I’d be a bit annoyed and I might be a bit worried that it was a symptom of a much bigger issue we needed to discuss.

3)Meh…I workout. I’d probably be a bit flattered actually.

4)I’d wonder why the hell she’d want to do that? If it really turned her crank I might even think about it. I’m not sure it would be good for my career so I’d have to think about that. Asking in and of itself isn’t a big deal.

Edit: Number 2 is the worst.

I’d have to say #2, because #3 and 4 are unlikely to the point of not worth considering. My SO and I had an… issue regarding online relationships a little while ago, and his receiving a naughty picture from an online friend would not be good for us.

(I look at porn sometimes, so I don’t see how I could criticize him for also doing so.)