White Trash Appetizers

What with all the parties this time of year I was wondering about the horid appetizers y’all have seen. I never cease to be amazed at what some people call food. If I bring a dish I usually try to put some thought and work into it. Aside from those who take the time to buy a bag of chips and tub of dip two of my all time faves are

A piece of Velveeta melted onto a Triscuit. I like to call these White Trash Nachos

Pimento cheese tea sandwiches. You know crusts trimmed off and cut into festive shapes.

Any other atrocities? We need a vomit smiley.

Bologna pie.

The ingredients include:

Bologna (naturally)
Cream cheese
Onions (shredded)

The onion/cream cheese/mayo mixture is layered between bologna slices, then the whole thing is cut into pieces and a toothpick is put in each piece.

Of course, I’m sure you could add garlic or whatnot if you wanted to be fancy.

Lemon wedge in an Old Milwaukee

Hey, I LIKE those pimento cheese sammiches.

Cheez Whiz straight from the can is also fun.

I feel ill right now… stop it. I do, however, want to leave you all with a white trash delicacy so I don’t get any hamsters thrown my way. They hurt… got those big teeth and everything… and claws…

AHEM Anyway! Here it is:

Chips Ahoy cookies (any variety) heated up in the oven. Just MAKE your own damn cookies, people! How hard is it??

What’s wrong with a traditional Irish seven-course meal? Six shots of whiskey and a potato. Or, for the light eaters, you can try the supermodel seven-course meal - six ounces of water and a diet pill.

People HEAT UP Chips Ahoy? I just lost all faith in humanity.

Hey! I thought this was going to be a thread in praise of white trash appetizers. I love crap food and I admit it, and “festive occasions” are the rare times I let myself have it anymore. So dang it, pass the onion-soup-and-sour-cream dip, and the little smokies! Pop open a Bud Lite and wallow it in, baby!

My favorite white trash appetizer is nacho dip: Take a can of Nalley’s Extra Hot Chile (with meat and beans) and a jar of Cheez Whiz. Throw 'em in a bowl together and microwave the snot out of 'em. Stir and serve with tortilla chips. It’s a bowlful of indigestion, but mmmmmm.

That little jar of pimento cheese spread mixed with cream cheese and offered with corn chips. It’s like eating glue or something.

Or they take the cream cheese block and pour salsa over it. Urgh.

Oh— oh! And the dill pickle spears wrapped in baloney and cream cheese. WTF?

Maybe it’s just that I hate cream cheese.

Redneck Caviar

2 cans black eyed peas, drained
2 cans shoe peg corn, drained
2 cans Ro-Tel tomatoes, drained
2 lg. bell peppers, chopped
12 green onions, chopped (greens too)
3 tomatoes, chopped fine
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp garlic salt
16 oz bottle Zesty Italian dressing

Mix peas, beans, corn, tomatoes, bell peppers, onions, and tomatoes with onion powder, garlic salt, and Italian dressing. Refrigerate at least 12 hours. Serve with Frito Scoops.

Mmm, cream cheese.

I admit a weakness for a crockpot full of Little Smokies smothered in barbecue sauce. I also love Rotel dip (two cans of Rotel spicy tomatoes and a brick of melted Velveeta, with a little milk mixed in). Food of the gods, and the gods wear sombreros.

Yeah, but do you ever have the ones that are made with beer and grape jelly? The smell of that alone is enough to make me feel ill. But I often see it served, in a crock pot at parties.

I love pimiento cheese sandwiches, too. And this stuff is not that Kraft cream cheese with pimientos. It’s shredded cheddar, pimientos, and probably some cream cheese and other stuff… more substantial than the spread you get in most parts of the country, but I’ve only seen it in the south and midwest.

As for real white trash appetizers, I also like the mini bagel dogs. Take the little smokies, and wrap them in strips of pillsbury pop-n-fresh croissant dough, and then bake on a cookie sheet until cooked, about 20 minutes. Serve with mustard for dipping.

Triscuit Pizza: top each cracker with a tsp. of pizza sauce, sprinkle on a little mozzerella, and top with a pepperoni slice, mushroom, or olive. Heat and eat. Yehaw!

There is nothing, I mean nothing, better than a piping hot tray full o’ pigs in a blanket. Especially if you can fin the box that’s like 200 piggies for $2.00. Ooooh, baby, bring it on!

From what I can tell through my in-laws, it’s not redneck if it doesn’t have pickle relish…

pickle relish in deviled eggs, pickle relish & sour cream dip, pickle relish tuna surprise

Oh, little smokies…I love those. They’re so full of fat and nitrates, I’m sure, but I could eat an entire package.

Is that something to brag about?

Or velveeta and salsa melted in the microwave for nacho cheese. It looks like puke…and tastes like heaven.

White Trash Cuisine is where it’s at, baby.

For fourty years my aunt Ruth always brought the same thing to every family/church/picnic potluck event: Hot dogs, partially slit down the middle and a little spear of cheese added, then wrapped in Pilsbury biscuit dough and baked. Cut into bite-sized pieces and skewered with a toothpick. TRES CLASSY!!.

I have seen family photos from the 60’s with an untouched platter of said delectables clearly visible in the background. It’s like an unspoken member of the family – the unwanted Uncle at the picnic.

Funny thing. Aunt Ruth died a few years ago, and while clearing up her affairs we stumbled upon her recipe box and there it was. A recipe card featuring “Frank’n’Wraps” printed by the Electric Company (complete with Red-E-Kilowatt in a chef’s hat) because you don’t wanna’ take chances with a dish like that …

Mmmmm…I loves me some white trash Horse Douvers.

Little smokies in barbecue…the bomb.

Rotel Velveeta in a crockpot is awesome as well.

I personally make sausage balls----crumbled breakfast sausage with Bisquick and cheddar cheese. You smoosh it all together in little balls and bake 'em. Deelish!!

My ex husband used to make his version of “pigs in the blanket”. He’d take Vienna sausages and wrap 'em in canned biscuit dough and bake those. They were actually pretty good.

I saw this for the first time in my office this week. I just sorta stared at it - it looked strange and unappetizing, but by the end of the day, it was all gone.

I think bachelor engineers will eat anything!

Oh yeah, and pigs in a blanket were a standard entree when we were kids. It was a cheap way for Mom to fill up 5 hungry kids. I don’t think I’ve made them myself, but I may have blanked it out…