My husband and I met in September, started dating in November, and got engaged in June. We waited a year for the wedding, mostly for logistical reasons. My parents had their first date on New Year’s Eve, were engaged in May, and married in August. They are still goofily in love after 36 years.
Hell, the fact that they were both in LTR beforehand should make you feel better. They have done the commitment thing with people who weren’t right.
Definately, I think a year is enough when you KNOW. Or maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic.
Hubby and I met online in November 1994, met IRL in December 1994, married in March 1995. We’ve been married 5 years now, have 2 kids and are pretty happy. So ,yes, it can happen! 
–tygre
My friends are always telling me I will do that, meet a guy and marrying him within months. I’m not so sure though. But I am ready for the “big one” so you’ll never know. There might be a soda got hitched thread when you least expect it.
Well, my husband and I didn’t date all that long, I guess… we met in June, were engaged by the next April, married in December (so that’s 18 months start to finish… well, I guess that WAS awhile, all told…)
My parents only knew each other 3 months before getting married. Which stunned me to learn it, but it’s been 40 years or so, still working. I think that getting married “fast” is risky but it doesn’t mean it’s doomed. I mean, every successful couple in the world had a point where they only knew each other a short while. It’s ludicrous to suggest that if they’d gotten married at that point, instead of later, that it would have failed.
OTOH, I wonder what the rush is these days. I mean, my husband and I were both in our thirties, had dated a lot, held jobs, lived alone. It was, perhaps, easy for us to know that marriage and family was the next thing we wanted.
My In-laws only knew each other for 3 months! They got married and have been happily for 25 years. We went to Wal-Mart a few months back and my Father in-law grabbed his wife’s ass in front of us. That was so cute.
I met my ex in August, found out I was pregnant in November, got married in April, and by the one year anniversary of the day we met, we had a 2 month old baby and a 4 month old marriage.
The marriage lasted for 6 years, produced two wonderful kids, and we still get along quite well. It’s one of those relationships where we get along as long as we don’t have to live together. Kind of like me and my dad…
Well, all, thanks so much for telling me many happy stories:) I feel a lot better now. But now I’m wondering…should I marry my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years? He is my first and only boyfriend. My parents got divorced after being married for 12 years. My step-mother got divorced after being married for a while too, and so did my mom’s boyfriend! So needless to say, I am a little wary of marriage. So I pose yet another question for all of you…what do you think I should do?
Should you get married? Hard to say. They say that the best predictor of which marriages will last is how similar your upbringing is, so you could consider that if you’re worried about divorce. But I don’t think divorce is hereditary, unless you’ve picked up unrealistic expectations and attitudes towards marriage itself.
Have you talked to your boyfriend about things like your attitudes towards children and childrearing? Do you ever feel embarrassed by him in public, and if so, why and how often? Do you feel a strong desire to stand up and tell God and everybody that you love him and want to stay with him for the rest of your life? How does he feel about it?
WEEEELL…We have talked about marriage and kids etc, quite a bit. He is ready to commit to me, but I’m scared to commit so early. Or what I consider to be early. I’d say our upbringing was similar as far as our value systems and expectations from our parents, etc. I never feel embarrassed by him in public and I tell everyone I know that I love him. I do want to be with him for the rest of my life, but I’m scared to fully admit that. I sitll have lots of reservations and he says he’s willing to wait untill I sort it all out. In the mean time, I’m happy with how things are right now…or at least I will be once I move to the same town as him. (He’s in TN, and I’m in VA, Im moving down there on the 14th) Thanks for the advice, ENugent:)
1st date (with woman who is now my wife) - November 3, 1994
Engagement - December 18, 1994
Wedding - March 20, 1995
And if you think that was short, my younger sister and brother got engaged after an even shorter courtship period! And all three of us are (at least as far as I can tell) doing just fine, marriage-wise.
First of all, has he asked you? If so what did you say? If not, do you think he will and what makes you think so?
When I met my ex I wanted to marry him after we’d been dating for 3 months. As time went on I wanted it less and less until one day I found out I was pregnant and felt trapped into getting married because our families expected it of us. With Matt it was entirely different. I knew pretty much from the moment we met that he was the one I wanted to marry and spend my life with.
I think you just know. You shouldn’t have to ask advice from family or friends (or dopers:) ). If you want to jump in his arms and say “Yes” when he asks you then I think you should. If you’re hesitant, don’t do it!
Just MHO.
Should you get married? There are a lot of issues that go into a decision like that. My personal pet peeve is that I think a person should know that they can live happily and sufficiently on their own before they think about hooking up with someone else for life. When it comes down to the very worst of times, you have to know that you yourself can make it, and that gives you the strength to do it.
However, that is just my issue, and I’m sure that there are as many other critical issues to consider as there are people who think about them.
The real answer is:
Go someplace where you can be relaxed and alone (a bath, the top of a mountain, the beach at sunset … whatever works for you), and look deep inside of yourself. Then ask the question: do I want to marry _______? If the answer is unequivocally and enthusiastically yes, then do it. If it isn’t, don’t do it right now.
Good luck.
I hate to be the rain on the parade type, but it seems to me that if we all look around us, these type of happily-ever-after fairy tale love affairs are the rarity, not the rule, and people who get married too quickly most often end up feeling they made a mistake.
Now, grain of salt coming up: I am a person who has been engaged (serious, living-together engaged) twice. The first one was a quick courtship. I kept putting off the marriage. Finally I realized the relationship was fatally flawed and moved out. Now, I am engaged to a man I knew for six months before becoming engaged, and we have been engaged almost a year (two more weeks). Neither is he the person I thought he was. Now, because of these two experiences, I am somewhat jaded toward the idea of hasty commitments. I feel it takes a long time to really get to know someone, and you should not get swept away in beautiful feelings of romance and being wanted. Take some time and look at things as objectively as you can. Most importantly, look for shared goals and values. Is this man your equal? Will he strive for the same things you strive for? Will you want to strive alongside him for the things he feels are important? Look at not just his words, but also his actions: they say what is truly important to him. If he says he loves animals, yet kicks the dog, something is wrong. If he says he has love in his heart for all humanity, but refuses to step outside his comfort zone to meet your needs or the needs of others (in appropriate circumstances), something is wrong.
Think about how the things you notice may affect the life you are are building together.
Do not link yourself to someone who will weigh you down. You are better off on your own! What Rachelle says is true: Listen very carefully to the wise voice inside you, and you will rarely go wrong. Thank goodness, in this day an age, mistakes don’t have to be permanent!
Met in June, engaged in August, married by Thanksgiving. Our next anniversary will be our 20th.
Would I recommend it? No, not for everyone. Mrs. Kunilou and I came from similar backgrounds, shared some common goals, expectations and world-views, and were both older and (hopefully) more mature. We’d been through the dating pool and seen what was out there. And we were both determined that we wouldn’t just call it quits if things got rough.
That said, it was still a fairly rocky first year, as we actually got to know each other. Can it work? We’re living proof, but I’m not going to put any guarantees on it.
I met my husband on December 1st and on the 31st I was his wife. We’ve been married 3 years and have two kids together and are very happy. I knew from the day I met my husband that he would keep me on my toes. We have a comfortable marriage complete with finishing each others sentences but sometimes he has reactions that just blow me away and remind me all over again why I choose him. My parents have been married 42 years and they knew each other 4 days before they were married. Would I have married my husband if I knew him longer? I doubt it but since we are married I have to work at keeping our relationship and our love alive and well. I think that most women know that men will at some point drive them crazy with their “male ways” the trick is to find one you can love, warts and all. Find one who you want to make a life with, makes you feel alive and beautiful and no matter what length of time, go for it because life is too short to wait.
Mrs. O and I met online in Dec 1998, IRL in Feb 1999, married Oct 1999. It’s been rocky, to be sure - going from single to stepdad in 10 months - but things seem to be going well.
Mr Lunasea & I met in May, got engaged in August & married in December. That included 3 months long distance. It’s been 3.5 years & we’ve had 2 kids. We’ve had bad patches, but our marriage is good now, and gets better constantly. We have the same tastes in music, movies etc. We have the same morals, political leanings & similar upbringings. The only thing we fight about on a regular basis is housework. We were both pretty young but had already sown plenty of wild oats.
You asked for advice about getting married yourself.Are you unsure because you don’t know if he’s right for you or because you feel you’te too young/haven’t lived enough? If it’s the first maybe you need to move on, if it’s the second tell him you need to live a little first. Don’t get married if you aren’t ready or if he isn’t the one. JMHO.
Bluesman and I were pregnant 2 weeks after we met, and married 7 months later. That was almost 14 years ago, and we are more in love now than ever.
My brother and SIL were engaged 2 months after they met, married 2 months after that, and they are still crazy in love after 9 years.
So, short courtships can lead to succesful marriages. Do they always? Of course not.
Me!
Wait…known each other nine years, dated three years, engaged for another year…never mind.