They’ve finally decided to make a feature film based on your life. This is such a plum role (obviously) that any actor will drop whatever they’re doing to take this part. You have the final say as to who plays you. Also, you have managed to exploit a rift in the space-time continuum that allows you to use any actor, living or dead, from any point in their lives.
Playing me will be either John Cusack or Ben Stillar. I like Cusack for the misunderstood, possibly mentally-ill aspects of my personality. Stillar represents the nice guy side of me (Stillar’s portrayal of Mr Furious in Mystery Men was pretty bang-on for describing me.) They’re also roughly my age (a little younger, maybe, but not by much) and look something like me (idealized, it’s true.)
Using whatever criteria you like, who plays you in your movie?
My answer may, or may not, make you say … huh? Fer god’s sake why not someone a little more suave, but …
Philip Seymour Hoffman.
He’d have to slim down a little, but not much. He’s the one actor who’s portrayals of insecurities, cockiness, fear, bravado, idiosyncarcies etc, have completely sold me.
Any actor trying to pull of me would need to dip from this well often.
And, he is about my age as well. I wouldn’t say he looks alot like me, but there are a few similarities, enough to pull off the role, anyway.
We’ve done this a lot, but we have so many new members here that, hey—let’s do it again!
My answer never changes, though: Eve Arden, c1945.
How about a sub-topic? Who do you see playing OTHER Dopers?
Ukulele Ike: Skeets Gallagher
SaxFace: Patsy Kelly
Techchick: that “Bailey” girl from “WKRP”
Wildest Bill: Michael J. Fox
PLDennison: Monty Woolley
Manhattan: Charlie Sheen
AndyGirl: Drew Barrymore
OK, I’ve got some more . . . Where are the rest of you, anyway?
FairyChatMom: Billie Burke
Satan and Drain Bead: Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor (in “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolfe?”)
Coldfire: Rupert Everett
Pugluvr: Megan Mulally from “Will and Grace”
Esprix: Danny Masterson from “That 70s Show”
Silent Bob: Buster Keaton
Jason Lee, one of the smart-asses from Kevin Smiths’s movies Mallrats and Chasing Amy ( and small role in Dogma) I would want Kevin Smith to write the story as well.
Michelle Pffifer would play me (as a matter of fact, whenever folks have suggested I write a book about my experiences at the correction center, I’ve always made this exact point)
