Who's been pissing on the seats in the High-Rent Highrises of our nations cities?

The BBQ Pit
1

O.K. I’ve got this courier job. I couri.

I work from my car. It’s got a CD player but no bathroom. Since I, like many people I’ve met, urinate from time to time, I gotta use a bathroom when I’m near one. This means using the bathrooms in the office buildings from which I pick up or at which I drop off the various packages I spend my day couriing.

I don’t feel that the various clients our company serves needs to know when I have to use the bathroom. I’d just prefer to step off the elevator, peak down the hallway, find the men’s room a have a quick pee before making a pick-up- while my hands are free.

Seven times out of ten, I find the door locked. I have to then find the client’s office and ask the receptionist for a key.

First reason why I hate this:
It just really feels like an actor breaking the fourth wall. I’m supposed to swoop in with a smile and drop off or pick up a package, maybe a quick friendly “How was your weekend? Can you believe this weather?” when stopping at one of the regular client’s. When I gotta ask for a bathroom key, it just ruins the image.

Second reson why I hate this:
Ick! I mean, I know I wash my hands after using the bathroom but what about every other guy who works in that office, or that office’s visitors and clients. This key has been to the bathroom with scores, if not, hundreds of total strangers and now I’m supposed to touch it!
And what about the poor receptionist who has to keep it at his/her desk and hand it out everytime someone’s bladder is full? “Hey, Sandy, nature is calling.” “One moment while I conect you.”

But if they didn’t lock the bathrooms, who knows what unauthorized people would would be pissing on the walls?

Ooh! I know this one! I know this one!
Nobody!
Nobody other than the people who use it on a daily basis!

Maybe, if these office buildings had lobby restrooms, maybe there’d be the odd passerby who just couldn’t hold it any longer and had to stop in to relieve himself. But is that odd passerby going to get onto the elevator and go up to the 22nd floor looking for a restroom?

Suppose there is an odd passerby who happens to be odder than most and he thinks “I have a brilliant plan! If I were to go into McDonalds and ask to use the restroom, they’d tell me that the restroom is for customers only! Why? Because they have people trying to use their restroom all the time. But, if I were to stroll into that highrise across the street, take the elevator up to the 22nd floor, why, it’d be the last thing they’d expect! I’ll beat the system!”

Uh, no.
Not going to happen. In many of the office buildings I have to enter as a courier (100% of the buildings if we’re talking Downtown L.A., Miracle Mile, or Century City), the business tenants and employees all have passes they must show to even get past the lobby. Visitors and couriers all have to sign in at the security desk.
Then after checking in with security, in many cases the guard must either give you an elevator card or otherwise walk you to the elevator himself and swipe his elevator card so that you can go to the 22nd floor. So, even if that particularly odd passerby manages to sneak past security, when he gets in the elevator and presses floor#22, nothing will happen. That elevator ain’t taking him nowhere because he doesn’t have an elevator access card!
So let’s stop with the bathroom key business, can we? I promise you will not show up to work on Monday to find homeless people sleeping in the bathroom.

2

You ever heard of bums?

3

Well, like bienville said, most of the buildings in LA require you to show ID and be on a list to get upstairs. Most of the bums don’t make it past that.

In one building I had to work in, they kept the restroom locked. I was only there a couple days a week, and I finally asked the receptionist why they didn’t just unlock the door. Well, she says, then men could follow you in there and, um, you know.

I’m thinking that if the men in the office are the type to um, you know, a bathroom door is the least of your worries.

4

This argument falls short unless you have come up with a way to open the restroom doors with telekinetic powers.

5

Entering the bathroom, I still have hand-washing ahead of me.
Exiting the bathroom, I usually open the door with a paper towel then drop the paper towel in the trash before walking through the open doorway.

6

I’ve been a bike messenger for over five years now. I’m a goddamn expert in where available unlocked restrooms are in Boston. I’ve never figured out why a building that screens everyone coming through the door needs to also needs to lock off the bathrooms.

7

I’m quite curious if having to ask for a key and the receptionist knowing that you were the last person in the bathroom actually encourages people to treat the area more respectfully. Anyone who’s ever worked in a place which has a public bathroom can tell you hundreds of nasty stories. It’d be interesting to know if the fact that they have to get and return a key while exchanging a pleasantry or two would have any psychological “guilting” effect which would embarass them into flushing, not fingerpainting with their excreta, etc.

8

That sounds fine on the surface but it implies a lack of respect for the weiner itself. It seems like you don’t even care what residues of dozens of anonymous individuals come into direct contact with your sex organ. Your precautions are the traditional ones but is that really the right focus? I know my hands are a lot tougher than my dick and you hardly ever hear about anyone getting a raging case on gonorrhea on their hands.

9

Dude, did you even read the post?

10

First gig out of school was for a State Department contractor. Non-locked men’s room. Simple enough.

One day I went in there and one of the stalls had multiple gunshot holes coming out of it. The metal was hugely torn facing out and holes in the tile opposite the stall. Best I could figure someone was sitting down doing his business when a gun he just happened to have went off multiple times.

The next day (after the cops were done) we got locks.

11

You folks are way way too germophobic.

Get over your unsterile selves.

12

Agreed, I’m pretty sure bathroom doorknobs and keys are the least of your worrites.

Keyboards, on the other hand, are much dirtier.

13

I don’t get your issue here. Do you really think these people are surprised, or even care, that you have to pee? Dude, everyone pees. There are no illusions being shattered and you’re not Clark Gable.

14

and exactly
HOW was that supposed to help? or did they presume that the sittee was not an authorized person to be in the building?

15

Easy: If terrorists somehow manage to make it past the front security, you won’t have to worry about them trying to steal your precious bodily fluids! :wink:

16

I understand bienville’s feelings very well - but what do you do when you’re on the road and have to use the restroom at the Poop N’ Go? Those restroom keys are attached to big chunks of wood - what a great surface for Neisseria and Treponema and all their germy friends to adhere to.

For some reason I am reminded of an old H. Allen Smith anecdote (he was a sort of 1930s-40s equivalent of Dave Barry, who did a lot of columns based on oddballs and celebnties).

One day he was in an office building and had to use the john. On his way to the urinals he passed Gary Cooper heading in the opposite direction. A building employee who had just taken Cooper’s place at the, um, stall, smiled at Smith and said “Right on top of Gary Cooper’s!!”

If you can find any old books of Smith’s at a book sale, they’re a fun read.

But I digress.

17

Why don’t you actually suggest they stop doing the bathroom key on the bit of wood thing?

18

I can at least understand why gas station restrooms have keys-vandals. I remember my friend and I when we were around eleven or twelve going in and trying to deliberately overflow the toilet at the BP station down the street. I think we managed with an old pair of reading glasses we found on the curb.

After that, you had to have a key to get in.

:o

(Yes, it was stupid, but what do you expect from a couple of bored preteens?)

19

You’re worried about the germs on a *key? * A fucking *KEY?? *And you’ve never stopped to think about how many nose-picking, crotch-scratching, pissing-dick-holding, ass-wiping, ear-digging fingers have touched that package you’re carrying?

20

Moron, Terrorists don’t steal bodily fluids. Only Communists do that. :cool: