Update
Toddly, I thought you might like to know. Some things do have a good ending. Or a new beginning. We have decided to give it another try. This time to make a solid comittment. But to go slowly. We are changing everything about how we go about it this time. We are not rushing into it again. We are discussing the things that went wrong before and making an effort to change them one at a time. It is strange, but I always knew there was something between us. I think this might be why I could never put it comletely behind me. It just didn’t seem right to be with someone else even though I thought he was gone from my life. I couldn’t stay mad at him. Not for doing what he felt was right. If that meant leaving me then who was I to say it was wrong for him?
I hope things get easier for you. And for the others who poured their hearts out here. Any updates? How about Otto, vavoom or Merla??? Thumbupmybum? Lulubahrain?
A few updates, since you asked. He’s (Zac) already dating again. He started three weeks after we split up. Then again, I guess he would be ready sooner since he knew it was coming.
Try as I might, I just can’t hate him, but I just can’t get over him either. He was just so attractive- it was the physical attraction that was the worst. Saw him last night at the chinese festival on campus, said hi, he said hi but was really unfriendly which he NEVER EVER is, which leads me to suspect one of the hot chicks with him was the new girl he’s dating. Her name is Justine, she’s French, 21 or so and apparently perfect at everything- had the lead in the college play, great GPA, genius, beautiful. MAKES ME WANT TO DIVE OFF A CLIFF (if we had cliffs in Florida). I just wish he would be dating a real bitch so he’d realize he had it good with me, but that’s just me being petty and childish.
I’ve been going after other boys, it’s just so hard to find someone else who doesn’t smoke pot. I’m just not into it, and I think at least 50% of the people on campus here do it. It’s one of the top ten pot smoking schools in the nation.
I got turned down by a dude the other day… hurts. I’d like to at least pretend that I could still be desirable. This is why I’m seeing the counseling center every Friday now.
Hung out with this SMOLDERING hot man last night to get my mind off Zac (after I initially saw him I felt like I might throw up and had to lie down on the concrete behind the caff). He said (hot guy) he would go kayaking with me but he seemed a little hesitant and it would be with his friends so not a date. How can I make myself feel pretty again? Does anyone else feel hideous when you see your ex with a more attractive partner?
Merla
Marla,
You know, looks aren’t everything (how many times have you heard THAT?). Those “smoldering” guys know that they are “smoldering” and at college age the good guys aren’t going to jump into something until they know it is what they want. You can’t just expect comittment right away. You know, going for this kayaking thing will not only make you more appealing to him, but you just might have a great time doing it. At my age I am just beginning to realize that it is what you do with your life that makes all the difference, not who your partner is. You need to develop a personality of your own before you can blend with someone else.
They can’t provide you with a life. You have to do that before you can offer anything to to someone else. Every relationship you have should be entered into slowly. I know this just doesn’t happen with your age, but it is the girls that go “looking” for it that are always the ones who get hurt.
Take the time to get over Zac and do some kayaking or something else until you can look him in the eye and think “boy am I lucky I got out of it with him, he was a real jerk if he can just dis me like that after being with me”. Only then will you be ready to begin a truly meaningful relationship with someone else. And remember this. Because every relationship you begin will take time to get over. So don’t just jump into anything because the guy looks “hot”. You are investing your time in him, make sure he is worth putting that time into. And if he isn’t chances are you won’t be available for the guy who is.
My last relationship collapsed some months ago … I did nurture hopes of patching things up, but I found out last month she’d already found a replacement, so that’s pretty much that, then.
Dunno what to say, really. She said she loved me. I wish she’d meant it. That’s all.
I was in the unfortunate position of having to initiate a break-up in my last relationship. It’s a tough thing for some people to appreciate, but I feel that breaking up with someone (Instane Messages notwithstanding) can be every bit as painful as being dumped. After two years with my last girlfriend, I realized I’d been hanging on of instinct, stubbornness, despiration, comfort, habit, and/or unwillingness to allow myself to be the cause of someone else’s pain more so than I was hanging on out of love.
It was the absolute worst thing I have ever done to another person, both the actual act of telling her I didn’t love her, and the act of drawing the whole thing out as long as I did. I woke up one morning, and told her… just like that. And as abrupt as it must have seemed to her, I’d postponed the day for four weeks to avoid coinciding with other major events that were happening to her at the time: grad student defense, birthday, and a family visit. A bad deal for all involved, I can assure you. Breaking someone’s heart should be criminal.
Madline, thanks for remembering. I am very happy that good fortune has come your way. There are no new updates from me but when I hear of people getting back together it uplifts my day. I wonder if you might be interested in checking out a web site called Marriage Builders. You may find some useful information there that could help establish a solid foundation for a lasting marriage. Check out the questionaires, I think if answered honestly two people could find out a lot about each other and what is important to them in a marriage. I know that in my future, whatever that may be, I will not repeat the same mistakes. Even through all this pain I believe that there is still a connection between us that binds and will not leave. Peace and Happiness