I finally broke up with a man I’ve been pseudo-dating for three years. I say pseudo-dating because its always been off and on, with an agreement that if either of us finds “the one” we could feel free to break it off.
So three years into the relationship, I realize that I’m officially long-term with this guy. And I know he’s not the right guy for me. So I break it off, I tell him its time for us both to move on.
Now I’m so lonely for him, I can’t help myself from running over to his place every time he beckons in order to have sex with him? How do I get over this?
Why do I know in my head that he’s not good for me, but I can’t seem to take the proper course of action to move on, i.e. stop sleeping with him.
So just stop sleeping with him–simple as that. You’re not some robot who HAS to have sex although I’ll admit it is a strong urge. Try being celibate for awhile, try thinking about what you want in a man and why this guy isn’t it, try concentrating on other aspects of your life (job, friends, hobbies, etc.) for a year or so and see how you feel then. Whatever you do, go with your gut instincts on this guy: if you recognize he’s not the guy then he’s not ‘the guy’ (note: there probably isn’t just one guy out there for you–there are probably several tens of thousands you’d be compatable with so don’t worry about that) and you shouldn’t be wasting any more time on him.
Lastly, and I know I’m going to sound like a broken record here, you should be practicing safe sex with this guy if you’re not already. Even if you’re not sleeping around (and you don’t say you are so I don’t think the ‘slut’ label applies here), he might be and you could get all sorts of nasty stuff–squawling infants, diseases, etc. etc. Just one of those little FYI things, ya know…
Get an answering machine, or caller ID. I’m serious here: there is a pattern here: he calls you, you answer, he talks you into having sex with him. The best way to stop that sort of thing is to stop the pattern several steps ahead of where it gets you in trouble. So don’t answer the phone when he calls: if his mom died or his house burnt down, you will find out through the grapevine. You can’t be friends with this man right now: maybe later, but not now.
The reason to stop this is not because it makes you a slut but because 1) the chances of pregnancy are always inversly proportional to the convenience of the timing, and a women is never more fertile then when sleeping with an ex and 2) as long as he is satisfying all oyur needs you won’t be serious about findong someone else to meet them, or, even better, learning to meet them yourself.
And masterbate yourself to sleep every night with hot juciy fantasies of everything and everyone BUT him. Break some of the conditioning that sets in in any long, comfortable relationship.
I know how hard it is not to do anything with your ex. Trust me on this- keep yourself busy for awhile. Try not to think about him. You will start to drift away. Then, DO NOT SEE HIM AGAIN! The minute you see him or talk to him, you will be back under his spell. I know it’s hard to make such a complete break, but if you want to get on with your life, you have to try.
[hijack] Anyone else notice that the first answer to an OP entitled “Why am I such a slut?” was from Hoe? **BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!![/hijack]
Um-no, Astroboy14, I was too busy doing the icky dance
over The Devil’s Grandmother’s (operative word here being GRANDMOTHER) suggestion to buy a vibrator; a hefty plug-in, at that!
Image!
:eek:
Must go black out windows to the imagination now.
Carry on.
Oh-and ouisey, I’ve been in a similar place before.
The most effective way to halt the call of the booty is to actually become disinterested, rather than fight yourself, since sex can be a rather addictive as well as a comforting thing, especially with the familiarity thrown in.
The 2 easiest ways to become disinterested in a guy, or anything
having to do with him, are
time
another guy.
The first is not as easily controllable, second works like a charm, but be problematic in terms of establishing a pattern.
For the time being, try to meet some nice guys, and stay away from the phone. Get a puppy or kitten so that you can’t just run out whenever you want, or volunteer in the evenings, or go see
a movie alone or with friends on the nights he is most likely to call.
Good luck!
-One more thing…
I know you probably meant the title jokingly, but I call foul on perpetuating the double standard! You may have valid personal reasons for wanting to end this contact, but beating yourself up over and presenting yourself as a “slut” is not only wrong but unnecessary.
You are sleeping with one guy, and one guy only, for an extended period of time. As long as you re practicing safe sex, then honey, in this day and age, unless you live in Fundie-land, IN NO WAY are you a slut!
Just wanted to make sure you knew!
Umm… I’ve had at least two exes that I kept sleeping with. In the first case, about four years ago, it was a nice weaning-off thing. In the second case, recently, it was very destructive.
Don’t want to hijack the thread, but I guess I’m about to. Only one safe-sex warning in a thread by a str8 person about being a “slut.” I just think it’s a good example of what has been batted around the Pit for a couple of months now. Discuss… in another thread.
