Jim’s Irish and Catholic! :eek: I’m going to have to ramp up the vasectomy nagging. I keep telling him that I could do it while he’s sleeping, but he’s not buying it so far.
None of your fucking business; don’t ask me personal questions.
That’s my response to anything that’s none of their business.
Simple. Honest. To the point.
I used to have fun with “My fiance thinks he should stay with his wife until their baby is born.”
I’ll do it when Oprah does.
Works for kids and marriage.
My MIL telephoned THREE WEEKS after our wedding to ask if I was pregnant yet.
Beat that.
That’s a good one. For religious folks, you could point out that Jesus did neither.
Just haven’t found “the One” yet. And truthfully, for the most part, I’ve pretty much given up even searching. The good ones really are all taken. Or at least none of the single ones live this far North.
Hey there, my love, my life and my lady is the sea (doo, do do do do do, doo do do do do)!!! I’ll fight you for her. 
Seriously. I’m a 25 year old guy, and in recent years I’ve been getting hints from my grandparents (who, though they’d never actually say it, would love to see me married before they die, as morbid as that sounds).
I usually say something along the lines of, “well, there are a lot of steps that need to happen in my life before I have a family, like, finding a girlfriend for one.”
The ‘pressure’ is also on because I’m now the oldest of my generation in my extended family who isn’t married, so I guess I’m kinda next in line.
I don’t know, like I said, I’ll work on maybe getting a girlfriend and save marriage for another day. 
(if male, US, and believed to be heterosexual):
“We just got engaged, he’s great, and we’re moving to Canada to get married!”
“I’m marrying into one of Tonga’s oldest chiefly clans.” :: hand over picture :: “Here are my 3 wives and 2 husbands.”
“She’s from Uzbekistan and we’re getting married as soon as the Red Corps retakes the Palace.”
If at first you don’t succeeed, try and try again. If you still don’t succeed, give up. There’s no use being a damned fool about it!
“As soon as my boy/girlfriend* divorces you”.
*In Canada you can adapt response to the gender of the nosybutt in question 
I’ve heard that for women looking for men in Alaska, the odds are good. But the goods are odd.