WHy can't I like the nice, stable ones, dammit?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
81

**Tris[/t],

I’ll grat you that the second circumstance is sort of down right odd, but women liking you because you’re married is a fairly explainable phenomena.

I’m not say that it necessarily applies to you, but one expanation for this oft observed phenomena is that married men aren’t as likely to be sniveling horndogs trying to get in a girl’s pants. Girls dig this. You’re confident, secure, stable… sure its ironic, but I mentioned back on the first page, that whenerve i give up on making “MUST FIND DATE” my drooling, singular objective, and just kick back and live my life the way I want to, and enjoy myself, and dedicate myself to being happy and healthy, the wimmin-folks come runnin’.

I truly believe this. Unfortunately, the ones that run the fastest seem to be the loons. :smiley: Its funny, but from post to post in this thread I keep bouncing from being the bad boy, whos bored with my good girls and the nice sweet boy who gets seduced and tortured by bad girls. I promise they’re both true. I think maybe its seasonal. :smiley:

Chris (who is a gemini, if that helps)

82

Bad Hat this apparently doesn’t work for girls (at least not this girl). When I was engaged yes I did seem to get more male attention but now even though I am happy, healthy and perfectly happy to be single still

:crickets:

Perhaps I should try being a bad girl (work commitments allowing) :smiley:

Triskadecamus - I like the sig!

83

I think you’ve definitely got something there. I had an absolutely lovely time with Dude #2 last night (I told you the Bulgarian dancing thing was a good sign!); he seems so far to be a genuinely Nice Guy, plus he actually has social skills, can hold a conversation on an insanely huge variety of topics, and makes eye contact when he talks (unlike Nice Jewish Boy). Plus, I remebered that one great way to see if a guy will freak out at the prospect of holding your hand is to take him Bulgarian dancing, as circle dances require holding hands. (Of course, the other person you’re holding hands with is generally a complete stranger, so your date gets the message that you’re not physically repulsed by him, but that it isn’t necessarily because you are immediately interested in jumping his bones.)

However, I keep having to kick myself to remember that just because our first date did not last 23 hours, like with my most recent ex-S.O., that doesn’t mean Dude #2 isn’t interested. Sometimes I think too many women jump into bed with guys who make moves about as subtle as a steamroller because they are the ones with the guts to ask. Hell, it’s very flattering to feel desired, especially for those of us with lingering self-esteem issues! (And yes, I may be a feminist in my head, but I am definitely a chicken-shit when it comes to making the first move; if I’d waited for that, I’d be a 33-year-old virgin. In some ways, I’m just shy, which many people would never believe on talking to me.)

Yep, it sucks that men are socially conditioned to be expected to make the first move, but there it is. My male friends insist that they certainly don’t mind if the woman does, but of course, if I do that, I risk rejection, and I’ve had plenty of that in my life. It’s a cop-out, I know, but I wasn’t exactly the most popular kid in school (too bookwormy and shy), and the psychological remains of that experience are still making themselves known. So maybe the “Bad Boy” thing is just one way I’ve felt desired by someone I was attracted to; it just had messier consequences.

84

Glad to hear the date with Dude #2 went well Eva Luna.

85

yeah Eva… congrats!

86

Eva Luna, I am so loving this thread! Unfortunately, I don’t have any advice for you except the oft-repeated “give it some time” (Guy #2 sounds promising), but I may have the anecdote you’re looking for, because a few weeks ago I was in the exact same boat: GRRRRRREAT guy, NO crotch-sparks.

It’s a boat I’ve certainly been in before, but this time was sort of different. I mean, usually if I’m not feeling any crotch-sparks, I just chalk it up to lack of chemistry and walk away. This time, however, I was having SUCH a good time with this fella and just liked him SO MUCH that I kept seeing him, despite the fact that I wasn’t having those special little twinkly feelings (which made me feel like a giant tease, because I knew he WAS having twinkles for ME, but my fundamental selfishness overruled my sense of fair play).

In the midst of my turmoil, I was discussing the matter with a friend, and she said, “Maybe you should just have sex with him and see what happens.”

Well.

I didn’t do that.

But I did keep going out with him, and lo and behold! One day, when I least expected it, I felt the special little sizzle of a crotch spark or two… At that point I wasn’t sure if it was the boy or the wine I’d consumed, but I decided to roll with it, so I planted a big, juicy one on him (which confused the hell out of him, because I’d already issued the flashing neon “JUST FRIENDS” mandate)… He complied nicely and the rest, as they say, is history.

Things are going well. :slight_smile:

87

Em

Crotch-sparks is the funniest thing i’ve heard all week.

My apologies if someone said it before and I missed it, but if thats yours…

brilliant.

chris (who needs a shower any time i spend much time in these co-ed sex life threads)

88

If this were actually true, we would all be searching for earthworms for dinner right now. Don’t feel bad though, people say and believe this in each generation. It is the bad memories fade syndrome. We remember the good things about the 1950s, for example, but forget Stalin, senseless murders, and prescription drug abuse.

89

Bad Hat - the more of your personalities we meet, the better I like you. :smiley:

Doubting Robert - that was lovely. My husband is a Nice Guy, too, and I adore him. I bet your wife adores you as well.

and finally auntie em. Bahahaha! Crotch sparks! You crack me up. If the crotch sparks fade with the new guy, try shuffling your feet on the carpet a lot. [sub]Also, I am stuck with a mental picture of you as one of those wind-up Godzilla toys. Only dirtier. Hee hee![/sub]

90

Shouldn’t I just sit down and scoot on the carpet (much like my dog does) in the event of a Crotch Spark Crisis? :smiley:

After Bad Hat’s post (for which I thank you, man… your compliment made my day) I was thinking that perhaps I should patent the phrase, but now I think it’s much more important for YOU, Seawitch, to patent the idea for your new wind-up toy! You could make a mint! :wink:

91

I totally agree with you about the crotch-sparks.

However, technically speaking, this is so far only a dating thread, not a sex thread. At this point, I may need to lubricate my memory to even find the right words to make it into a sex thread, I’m so damn rusty.

Ya never know when it may turn into the latter, though; Tri’s sig line was waaaay too close to home, which is why it was so damn funny!

92

Oh, and my apologies if I have in any way contributed to your need for extra showers, or caused others to do so. I did read your other thread, however, and so I humbly suggest that showers are far less burdensome and more ecologically sound if one is sharing water.

93

sigh I hate being twenty. I’ve never had a massively successful love life, and my contribution to the thread is this: I hate being lonely, but have very high standards for the people I date. I met someone who fulfilled these standard in almost all respects, and dated her for six months. At the end of that time, she dumped me because she wasn’t ready for a long-term relationship. I agree that at my age I’m not supposed to be able to make a relationship work well enough for it to be perfect, but I would much rather have worked on the relationship I had rather than try to find some other woman who’s as wonderful as my ex. She, on the other hand, felt that I was just a step in her development and that it was perfectly natural to end a relationship because it’s time had run out, somehow. I’ve forgiven this because I don’t really know what to say to it, and if she’s not ready to date someone like me then I can’t really argue. Still, I don’t see myself finding anyone my age who wants a stable relationship that’s not going to be over because it’s a Tuesday. Am I really trapped in a moderately hopeless situation or does it just seem that way?

94

Sharing showers, eh? Actually l really miss sharing a shower with the ex.

You are of course correct that this is actually a dating thread, but sadly my most recent “date” was also my most recent “sex”, ill advised though it may have been. And when you start talking about showering and em starts going on about crotch sparks, it all gets me a bit randy :D.

well since this thread is chugging along and my online personals thread has reached a tidy conclusion, i’ll update here instead. hope thats cool with everybody.

The Thelma/louise girl and i haven’t really talked since the first date. I think maybe i’m a little embarrased about having gone so far so fast. Its not like me. It was my inner bad boy up and rearing its ugly head, i suppose. But I will call her and explain myself, i promise.

There is another prospective nerve.com girl, however, and we’ve talked a few times on he phone and I am really quite smitten at the moment. She’s a good girl, a teacher, a bit older than me (30, to my childlike 26), we’re trying to work out a time this weekend to get together. I’m starting to feel like the boy who cried “crush” here, but this one has a reeeeally good vibe.

I think ultimately the thelma/lousie situation was doomed as fodder for a potential relationship by the online… er… “creativity” that we indulged in before meeting, or even talking on the phone. It might have made for an interesting fling, and I think thats what i thought i was up for, but on reflection, i’m not sure i can do flings anymore. and she changed from fling to “dewey eyes” mode, and I just wasn’t onboard for that little jaunt.

i’m fairly confident we didn’t click in any really major way, on my end. It was fun, but not FUN.

So the lesson that i learned is: don’t rush the physical stuff, if its worth doing, it’ll still be worth doing in a couple of weeks. (funny, i feel like i’ve learned that lesson a few times, but i guess a refresher course every couple of years never hurt anybody)

Wishing i could find a happy medium though between casual sex and “picking out towels after the first date”.

Chris (whos been listeing to the song “Little Furry Bugs” by Death Cab for Cutie on repeat for like 2 hours… i never do this… mmmmm, death cab for cutie)

95

“Rearing its ugly head”? Honestly! Don’t be so, ummm, hard on yourself!

Is it just me, or are the Dopers getting awfully randy overall lately? Is it seaonal? Or is it that all the talk of “raising the tone of the board” has just made everyone focus more on their baser urges? I know I sure am! Man, poor Dude #2 may never know what hit him if this continues…

96

lucky guy… :wink:

you will of course, keep us posted.

as will I, like it or not :smiley:

Chris

97

if i was funny at all, i would have said:

“you will of course, keep us abreast of any developments”.

And I do think its seasonal. I spend at least an hour a day riding my bike on the Lake path, and man, have you seem what the kids are wearing to tan and excercize these days???

AYOOOOOOOGHAAAAA

hubadahubadahubadahubadahubadahubada

I’m sincerely, and literally amazed I haven’t crashed into something while rubbernecking at the beach hotties.

Chris

98

** crotch sparks** oh my god that is fantastic **auntie em **especially the part about scooting across the carpet!

teehee - I was still giggling reading the rest of the posts :smiley:

And then Bad Hat comes in with his sharing showers & rubber necking - man I love this place!

I agree **Eva ** the dopers appear to be getting hornier (I know I am - did I just say that!) it must be because of all the extra daylight in summer. Make sure you keep us updated and if he finds out what did hit him.

And **loupdebois ** you can’t give up yet and be bitter - I am sure it was her loss. C’mon you are a Doper who wouldn’t want you! :wink:

Oh and Crotch Spark Crisis - BAND NAME!!!

emma - having a good start to the day after reading this thread & is definitly not going to join a convent after reading some of the good stories :smiley:

99

Well, it’s winter here, and I’m getting hornier… :frowning:

Eva Luna and other relationship-impaired dopers, hear my Nice Guy tale of woe. I recently met and developed an enormous crush on the very nicest of Nice Guys - this one meets all the criteria for Mr Perfect. He’s 25, and tall and skinny (I like 'em that way), and good-looking without being pretty. He has a divine deep growly speaking voice, and a beautiful south african accent. He’s a second-year-out doctor (not that the doctor bit is a requirement, but it’s a good stable career, and I’m a medical student so he can help me with my examination skills!). He’s very sweet and lovely. He’s going to Oxford in five weeks for a PhD (on a Rhodes scholarship, mind you).

Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! DAMN!

tritone, who has no need to scoot the carpet… if only there was an off switch for these damn crotch sparks!

100

5:00 am friday night/saturday morning… just got back from the…

Best. First Date. Ever.

more on that in the morning, as the futon is calling my name at the moment.

Eva… (and everybody else) how’d your night go?

night night all.
Chris

sleeping soundly in the back of the car
felt more like a home that id ever have thought
and thru the evening the engine kept on
until we hit chicago and decided to stop
-“Little Furry Bugs” Death Cab for Cutie