Why Did The Chicken Cross The MMP

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I got this in an email the other day. I thought it was kinda funny and since gt said we didn’t have a volunteer for this week, I upped and volunteered just so’s I could share this with y’all! So, here ya are. Feel free to make with the chicken jokes or just hijack it all to heck and back like usual. I’m good either way.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day One! - that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side.’ That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra©#@&&^(C%…reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

2

I’m FIRST!

I had just got done posting in the old MMP, then this one popped up. Chicken must be on the brain because that’s what I’m cooking. Chicken, roasted veggies, and cheese quesadillas and the family is going to LIKE IT by God!

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And Taters wins the gratuitous post award! :smiley:

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Now go back and see my edit. I just wanted to be first, for once!

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Did you catch it before or after it crossed the road?

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Before, of course. It has to be fresh. If it crossed the road it wouldn’t be fresh now, would it?

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Cute OP, swampus. I particularly found the Einstein version amusing, for some odd reason.

The Boy’s friends left after much eating and drinking and laughing. Sadly, the mess seems to have stayed behind, though… I’m not sure how that happened.

We ended up making vegetarian black bean and corn fajitas, which are the bestest party food ever since you can prep all the toppings in advance and then set them out for everyone to wrap their own. The only downside is the sheer number of dishes that you end up having to wash (or rather, that the dishwasher ends up having to wash, because I’m lazy like that).

Also, The Boy made olive oil gelato for dessert, which was served sprinkled with a little kosher salt and some chopped strawberries. It was good. Like, obscenely good.

Seriously, can we have one more day in the weekend? I don’t wanna go to work tomorrow. :frowning:

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I had Kroger deli chicken for dinner. Thrak was locked in my room. Stupid cat tried to carry off a chicken thigh the first day I got him.

Great OP, swampy! Chicken is Thrak’s favorite food.

Muppet, I’m glad the weekend’s over, so I can have time off.

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I don’t want to go to work tomorrow either, but unfortunately no one passed away and left me an obscene amount of money and I didn’t win the lottery. So, it’s off to work for me tomorrow morning.

Dinner still hasn’t been prepared and no one is complaining. My Dad is coming over to pick up tickets for my daughter’s graduation. He should be here soon.

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The Hemmingway one really tickled me for some reason. (Well, gee, Hazel, maybe that’s because you study literature. Why yes, I suppose it could be.)

The Guy came over in the afternoon. I am always in the mood for fun, but the icky weather + no a/c certainly makes things . . . stickier than usual. :stuck_out_tongue:

I really need to get into the habit of having dinner earlier. It’s almost 10 and I haven’t had a bit to eat.

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Mmmmmm, chicken. Rotisserie is my favorite.

That olive oil gelato sounds really interesting. Mmmm with strawberries. I bought strawberries at the farmer’s market yesterday.

My book group is reading Sherman Alexie’s The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian this time. I’ll actually read it before our meeting (I made it 3/4 through in less than 2 hours). I really like it, but there will be lots to discuss, I think. Also, the cartoons are fun (more to discuss).

I’m also suffering from the Don Juannas. I’m consoling myself with the part where I’m planning to take Tuesday off because I have a roof estimate scheduled for 10 a.m. The cherries on my tree should also be exactly ready to be made into jam. And I have a long list of other stuff to do with a day off, including planning how to finish tearing my room apart and put it back together again. We’ll see how that works out.

It was fun to see the niece and nephew. They keep growing (funny how that happens). And the cicadas were really annoying . The park has woods next to it and the bugs were going crazy. There were lots of them flying around in the woods and quite a few flew out to where we were spectating. I was wearing a hat and on buzzed under the brim. ::shudder:: They’re so loud that I could hear them through my closed car windows on the way home. (I wasn’t paying attention during the ride down.) :::shudder:::

We discussed the difference between locusts and cicadas. Turns out that the loud bugs we get every year are also cicadas - dog-day cicadas and that the settlers called the cicadas locusts because they didn’t know what they were. Most interesting thing is that there apparently aren’t any cicadas outside the eastern half of the U.S. (See the second paragraph.) Who knew?

Guess I should think about crawling into beddie bye.

Hugs…

GT

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I’m always partial to Dr. Seuss. :smiley:

We didn’t have chicken for din-din, though. We had beef, the tip of a tenderloin that Papa Tigs put on the grill. Yum and nom nom! Insanely tasty meat. That is why I will never become a successful vegetarian!

I have really been struggling to work today. I have been far to easily distracted by almost anything you can think of – especially laundry. At least I think (I hope!) that I have used the old clothes drier for the last time – it is definitely on its last legs! It took three false starts before it would actually get into gear and start, and then it kind of groaned and wheezed as it turned. I wasn’t sure it was going to make it. :eek: Fortunately, it lived long enough. I will be very, very happy to have a drier that actually works, however!

Plus we really, really need to clean the drier vent hose between the laundry room and the outside. It runs about 12 or 15 feet under the dining room floor to vent on the side of the house. Any ideas how to do it? I’m thinking once we get the old drier out, sticking the vacuum cleaner hose in it and seeing what we can come up with. Do you think that will work? I hate to pay to have it professionally cleaned, but I will if I have to.

Is it bedtime yet? It’s 11:00 p.m. and it’s cooled all the way down to 87F/30C outside, with 82% humidity. Just delightful. :rolleyes: Thank Og for air conditioning!!!

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Cicadas always remind me of Seoul. Damn those things were loud as hell.

I’m tempted to sleep on the floor of my living room, as it’s currently the coolest place in the house.

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Funnily enough, we had chicken for supper too. We were lazy, so it was KFC.

I guess I should crawl into bed and go to sleep, so I can be up for work in the morning. Blah.

Then tomorrow I have to plot out various things, like exactly what I am taking with me camping next weekend and what I need to buy. I think this go-round I might live on alphabits*, hot dogs, coffee, junk food and alcohol. Saturday night is a big pig roast. It’s a thing being put on by my friend’s work and they got to invite people, so I get to go and they have camping gear so I don’t have to bring a tent and such… which is handy. I’ll have to get camping gear eventually though, because I started camping about the age Velociraptor is and I want to do that with him.

Ah well, since I’m awake still I’ll do a couple things and go to sleep then.

*Alphabits are my ‘must take’ camping food. Dad always had alphabits when we went camping. We’d munch them while we waited for our ‘real’ breakfast.

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Mama Tigs, two things. A) Tigers aren’t supposed to be vegetarian, and B) Do you have access to where it connects on the outside? Like, convenient access? Then you could just compress it and run a toilet brush in either end, and it’d probably reach in its collapsed state.

I just got home from The Man’s house, no appreciation because his parents were there.

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I’m not going to work tomorrow, 'cause I have no work to go to. Instead, I’ll be working on fixing it so that, someday soon, I will have work to go to and complain about on a Monday morning.

Mama Tigs, my brother told me once that he used a leaf blower to great and rapid effect in cleaning out his dryer vent. I’d double up on the ear protection, though, since you’d be using it inside the house.

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I want to smother Morgyn with kisses.

Just cuz’.

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To minimize hearing loss, you could always connect the leafblower outside. :wink:

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The chicken crossed the road to tell me to get my ass back to the MMP. I’ve been busy these last few weeks and have missed ya’ll. I’ll try better to keep up.

The **LabRat ** and I are getting hockey tickets together next season. That’s no small level of commitment! :smiley: We’ve been taking things slow and only this weekend got um, reaquainted in the bedroom. More :D. See you guys later tomorrow!

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I thought of a leafblower, too, but we don’t have one. However, I suspect one of my neighbors does. Probably Hank Hill across the street; he has an entire collection of noisy lawn care implements. Especially his tractor that he uses to mow at least three tims ea week. :rolleyes:

Good luck finding work, Morgyn! Want to come do some of mine? This transcript I’m working on is driving me nuts – everyone keeps talking at once. They apparently haven’t figured out that if, like they learned in kindergarten, they take turns, all their words of wisdom can be recorded for posterity. As it is, there’s a whole bunch of (inaudible)s. :rolleyes:

I’m definitely in a :rolleyes: mood tonight.