(((everyone who needs them)))
Tired, and I have an angry baby. A very angry baby. Sigh. It’s bedtime, kid. Go to sleep.
More of the greatest and not so greatest minds weigh in on the issue of…
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Woody Allen: I mean, it was, it was … a legal chicken … It wasn’t like it was a blood relative or anything. (And don’t believe anything that Mia says about me.)
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
The Dead Sea Scrolls: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
James Cagney: It crossed twice. The dirty double-crosser.
Albert Camus: It doesn’t matter; the chicken’s actions have no meaning except to him.
John Cleese: This Chicken is no more. It has ceased to function. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. It’s a stiff. If it wasn’t nailed to the road it’d be pushing up daisies. It’s snuffed it. It’s metabolic processes are now history. It’s bleeding demised. It’s rung down the curtain, shuffled off the mortal coil and joined the bleeding Choir Invisible. This is an Ex-Chicken. Ergo, it did not cross the road.
Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads.
James Dean: To prove he wasn’t chicken.
Emily Dickenson: Because it could not stop for death.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.
M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.
Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Sherlock Holmes: Do not concern yourself with the chicken that did cross the road; the answer lies with the chicken that did not cross the road.
Saddam Hussein: It is the Mother of all Chickens.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads. This brought such occurrences into being.
Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.
Timothy Leary: Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.
Groucho Marx: Chicken? What’s all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
Fox Mulder: It was a government conspiracy.
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it ***** wanted to. That’s the ****** reason.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.
George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?”
O.J.Simpson: It didn’t. I was playing golf with it at the time.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Joseph Stalin: I don’t care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet.
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.
Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
I liked the Dick Cheney one, but I’m warped that way. Soapy, I liked yours, too. If I was feeling creative, I’d try to do a few, but it’s Monday and I was in training most of the day, so my brain is fried.
Plus it’s hot hot hot so what isn’t fried is roasted. Poor me…
Jeans in the washer. Air conditioner working too much. Is it Firday yet??
Haven’t read yet. Sorted laundry and am now hoping that the temperature will let me pick cherries. Cherry jam coming soon.
Back after dark.
GT
Gertrude Stein: chickens eat seed buttons fall paper leaves orange orange yarn
I just realized I haven’t had a cigarette all day. I didn’t even notice.
Show off. 
Well done.
Welcome back, Snowbunny!
Smartie, I read about that boy in the local news here. Hugs to your grandson and the Smartie Family.
Work was rather loooooong today and I’m glad to finally be home. Soon I’ll start cooking dinner. Yet more chicken…sigh. Pretty soon I’m going to grow feathers and start clucking.
The weather here was and is truly sucky today. Rainy and windy. Snow levels dropped to 2500 feet. Really, all of you suffering a heat wave are more than welcome to shit. I want summer, dammit.
Well, I should change out of my work clothes and start dinner.
Smooches to everyone.
Weeeeird… our wireless doorbell has started spontaneously ringing by itself. It’s not someone playing nicky-nicky-nine-doors because I was standing at the door looking outside the last time it went off.* It’s annoying as hell, though, and it better stop before bedtime.
- Unless, of course, the new high-tech version involves remotely setting off the doorbell.
In which case, my only answer is “Damn kids! Gerroffa my lawn! Why, in my day, we had to walk up to the porch and ring the doorbell with our own fingers. We’d get splinters from the old wooden door jambs and tetanus from the rusty nails poking out of them, and we were grateful for it.”
{{{{{{Smarty}}}}}}
One down, four to go. The heat has me wrung out! Love the chicken joke OP, Swampy - more more more! 
I watched the clip of Secretariat winning the Belmont in 1973 today - it’s the anniversary of that day, btw. What a horse!
Hugs and prayers to all who need them, and even those who don’t.
I’m so sorry to hear about your grandkid’s friend, Smarty. Hugs to your family and to his.
Good thoughts heading out to gotti’s BIL.
And to Shadow, of course.
It was the last day of the Needle Arts convention today, so I got to admire lots of yarn. I thought of Shadow and MamaTigs and taxi and knitting Mumpers in general.
Yay for internet at home, snowbunny!
FTR, I’ve giggled at all the chicken jokes. (I liked yours a lot, Soapy.) But I’m not sure when I last ate chicken. Prolly for lunch out at some point recently. Oh…it’s coming back to me…Almond Crusted Chicken Salad a few weeks back.
I don’t eat much meat at home. Although I’ve bought ham the last couple weekends for sandwiches. The sale ham on Sunday was peppered and is teh yum. I think it was even the store brand.
I was gonna pick cherries, really, I was. But they weren’t actually ready to be picked. Some of them are ripe enough, but it’s not the majority, so it’ll have to wait. We’ll see what they look like late afternoon tomorrow (assuming it’s not raining).
Instead, I did a bunch of weeding and clearing out preparative to picking cherries. And also planted tomatoes - finally! I bought the plants more than 3 weeks ago.
I also pruned the cherry tree some (there are a bunch of dead branches) and took a bunch of pictures.
Now I’m tired, but need to finish sorting laundry. Then I’m going to vacuum. (I might also do the vacuum part first thing tomorrow)… dunno.
Finished my book group book at lunch. Yay!!!
I’m off tomorrow - yay! I have a roof contractor coming over. We’ll see what they have to say.
I also have a GINORMOUS list of things I want to get done. Hopefully I’ll make it through most of it.
Back later.
GT
Oh, I feel so much better having this. It was incredibly painless to get set up, I thought I’d have to wait a week for one of their people to come out here – the better for them to price-gouge me! But I need to call them to find out why I can’t get into my email – MamaTigs, don’t use that address I gave you quite yet! Hopefully I can get another nice tech guy in Omaha like the one I talked to earlier to straighten it out. I don’t have the energy to worry about doing it tonight, though.
I didn’t get to the laundry, but I do have clothes for work tomorrow. It will just have to wait until the day after tomorrow when I’m off again.
Yay Haze! Are you trying to quit (in which case I’m sure you mentioned it here and I mised it) or what? Because that’s great, whatever the reason.
Nah, I haven’t actively been trying to quit. My smoking habit isn’t really much of a habit - the only time I actively crave 'em is when I drink alcohol or coffee. Most days I’ll smoke 3-5 at most, unless I’m extremely stressed or extremely bored. I’m trying to cut back to 0-2 a day, which is what I used to smoke before grad school.
I’ve taken down a bunch of stuff from the walls. The place looks uninhabited already. 
I hate the week before a move - it’s very surreal, living in an apartment surrounded by boxes.
The day didn’t start too good. Thrakazog drew blood in 4 places, the leg one bled throgh my pants. He did it again in the same spot tonight.(Free cat, will pay shipping). When I got to work, I realized I left my wallet and my asthma inhaler at home. :smack: I did survive the 102 degree day, and got home. I even cleaned, so if I do get tomorrow off, I can slack like mad. speaking of chicken, there is a Chk-Fil-a billboard on 440. It’s two cows in an inflatable pool, with the words “Marco” and “Pollo” painted on the pool.
:waves at snowbunny:
That happened to me when I was 14, Smarty. {{{{{}}}}}
Soapy, I liked your jokes.
I guess I have different pets from everybody else, then. Mine alwys throw raging keggers when I’m at work.
looks at weather forecast
SNOW???
Tomorrow night, we’ve got a 50% chance of it!
Yo, Snow Gods, it’s JUNE!!!
Hmm. Let’s try to think of the reason. Could it be? Nah.
How can you tell he’s angry? You’re still translating for him, aren’t you?
Maybe he has existential angst or maybe he’s frustrated at your translation since he’s trying to tell you the secrets of the universe or maybe he has gas.
Having had all three (sometimes simultaneously), I can relate. Feel better, Nate.
Speaking of gas, where’s Lunch? (how’s that for a segue?) I haven’t seen his posts in a while.
Heh. (basically all I have to add)
Heh.
He’s been busy lately, I think. Come back, Nooooooone! We miss you!
On preview: chaoticbear, you should go into copyediting.
That would be a pretty short book.
**
bonkeybear**, not saying anything about you. . . yet.
And hey wait! I haven’t posted in a bit and no one (or noone, as the case may be) missed me! :dubious:
It’s like you never left.
:: smothers Roo with kisses ::
There’ve been quite a few absent MMPers as of late. Mork and BooFae come to mind. And Puck has again abandoned us after her inital post.
That’s more like it!
Now, if Lunch doesn’t show up after that, we know that something is amiss.