I agree with every single word of this.
DivineCommedienne I think you are judging both your friends and humanity a little harshly. You say you think they’d help if you asked, so ask. You’ve been out of the hospital for four months, you’ve been back at work for three, how the hell are people supposed to know you still need help if you don’t ask them? Personally, I hate unsolicited acts of aid. The only people who regularly do this to me are my mother and my girlfriend and it doesn’t usually work out great. Often the problem they try to fix wasn’t a problem at all, or they try to fix a real problem ineffectively and make things more difficult for me. So ASK your friends for help with specific things, then judge them.
I’m not trying to be harsh, you’re going through a rough patch and that’ll make anyone cranky, but you are coming across as very self-centered. When’s the last time you spontaneously called one of your friends up and offered to help with their housework or babysit their kids or do whatever it is you think your friends should be doing for you? You admit yourself, you don’t even remember where the tsunami was. Now I’ll bet that despite not actively doing anything to help the victims of a natural disasters which occurred years ago you are still probably a decent person who cares about people and would gladly help her friends. It’s normal for people to think more about themselves than about others, that doesn’t mean they don’t care. One again ASK your friends for help, then judge how much they care by their responses.
I spontaneously appeared out of the Quantum Foam to help you, and you’re upset that I didn’t remain as your Servant? :dubious:
That would be…day before yesterday. My neighbor is pregnant, I entertained her 5-year-old son at my house for two hours so she could lie down and rest. It was my suggestion, and not the first time I have done this, as I know she is not feeling well and her husband works very long hours, she’s alone with the child most of the time.
I do this type of thing for people I care about all the time.
Good. I had wondered about that myself, and I’m glad you take time for others. However, please rememeber: not everyone is you, and Call Your Friends.
I’m curious DivineCommedienne have you asked anybody for help yet? You do seem (or at least you present yourself) as a pretty decent person, and I’d like to hear that someone offered a helping hand, once they were informed you needed one. From the way you described it, it seems like your friends probably think you have recovered and moved on your crisis.
This is going to sound a little bitchy, but no - they’re not. They are not thinking of your needs. They have spouses, kids, bills, work, their own health, homes & housework, volunteer commitments, parents, other extended family commitments, and friends in acute, immediate crisis all on their “To Do/To Worry About” lists and all of those things are competing for high priority spots. Keeping “friends who might still need help due to ongoing problems but haven’t asked for any assistance” as a high priority item is extraordinary. And most of us aren’t extraordinary.
On the other side, most of us are happy to help if asked or reminded. Ask and or remind them. If they brush you off after the request, well, then you’ve got a legitimate complaint. But right now, they’re just being human.
Stop doing this. It sounds to me like you don’t have the emotional energy or physical energy to do this kind of thing. This is a very nice and giving thing, don’t get me wrong, and it’s admirable that you did it. But to me, it sounds like you need to set some boundaries and treat yourself right. I don’t mean stop for all time, but until you are a little less fragile (and have had a bit more therapy), IMO, you need to concentrate on YOU. Not the kindergartner and her mom next door. Or the myriad of others you do this type of thing for. Start calling in some of your favors.
It has taken me years to figure this much out: just because I am apt to do spontaneous acts of kindness, does not mean my friends (or family) will reciprocate at all OR in the same manner*. Watching someone’s kid unasked for 2 hours is HUGE and most people will not do it. But I bet a friend would meet you for coffee or go with you to do X. Or just listen to you for about 30 minutes on the phone (plan this wisely and don’t call people at work–but you know that!).
*this also does not make them bad people. They give to me in other ways. And yes, dammit, sometimes it’s hard because I want them to really do it up special for me, but life doesn’t always go the way we want it. I did have to tell one friend that I resented having to do all “the heavy lifting” (making plans etc) and since then she has stepped up to the plate more often. She was completely clueless that I was harboring resentment. she thought I liked making calls and emails etc.