Well there’s Jarbabyj for instance. I mean Jesus, why can’t she tell you what she really thinks, and then there’s Stoid with all those political threads. Is she a Democrat or a Republican? Who knows? And then there’s Gaudere, who’s always so scatterbrained and imprecise, and then there’s Manda Jo. Why doesn’t she just come out and say what she’s thinking?
What I really want to know is why all the bad spellers and poor grammarticians are guys.
Grey’s divorced, isn’t he?
You’re right. It can be useful. If I offer to help another woman, and she says “oh, you go relax” when she really means “please help me,” then she’ll think I’m a bitch for not helping and I’ll think she’s a stupid-ass for lying about what she wants, and we’ll be saved the trouble of pursuing a friendship that’s doomed to failure because she’s a passive-agressive lying sack of shit and I’m not.
I do the restaurant thing. When I say “I don’t care,” I assume the SO is going to rule out sushi and italian food because I don’t eat either and he knows I don’t like them. So if he suggested it, of course I’m going to say no. “I don’t care,” means “I don’t care as long as you know it’s somewhere where they have food I like.” I would assume since you’re married, you know what kind of food your wife likes and can’t stand.
Luckily I don’t have any issues about expressing my opinions and desires, and my SO and I have very similar tastes in movies, so I don’t really have any problems with the rest of the situations you described. It definitely isn’t just a woman thing, though. I’ve had friends and an ex-bf that exhibited the kind of wishy-washy behaviour you described as well. It’s not as bad as the ones that just go along with everything you want to do all the time, though. You should appreciate that at least she at least expresses her opinions at all, even if she isn’t very assertive about it.
Yeah, and the hilarious thing is that he used to be married to Barbara DeAngelis, another relationship “expert.” Yep, good to see that worked out well.
I do the restaurant thing, too. But it’s become somewhat of running gag here:
Mr.Silky: Where you wanna go eat?
Me: Oh, I don’t care. You pick for a change.
Mr.Silky: (huge, melodramatic sigh) Nooooooo…you pick.
Me: I really don’t care. Just so long as it’s not Cap’n D’s, barbeque, Logan’s, burgers, Chinese or pizza.
Mr.Silky: (tapping fingers on dash) You want Mexican, doncha?
Me: Oh yes! That sounds good! Let’s do that!
See? He picked and we both got what we wanted. 
What was that thing about men being solution/resolution orientated and women…oh, I dunno. Can’t remember. Friggin gave up trying to make sense of it all years ago…
I disagree. In the restaurant scenario, he didn’t express an opinion (or, more truthfully, offer a choice) until she told him she didn’t care and that any place was fine, even though she apparently did have an opinion.
Seems to me she’s playing some kind of passive-aggressive game, making him search around for what pleases her. Thus, she holds the upper hand until he gives the “right” answer.
That’s not healthy for resolving conflicts in a relationship. Granted, the choice of restaurants doesn’t qualify as a major conflict, but it’s symptomatic of how decisions are reached.
And Green Bean, if you asked Mrs. Dave-Guy if you could help out, she’d probably put you to work in a heartbeat! 
My point was to not make a suggestion, even if she said any place was fine, because the reality is that she has an opinion or idea of where she wants to go or what she wants to do.
In the 'Rosa household, we solve the dinner thing by taking turns:
Where do you want to eat?
I don't care.
How about Pizza?
No. What else.
Hey, I made a suggestion, your turn.
(Now we’ve solved it by having kids - its narrowed the choices and opportunities for the problem to occur).
And, by the way, we both were guilty of it - and one of us has a Y chromosome.
GreenBean, they really should rename Grey’s book. Your title is so much more accurate.
UUUUUGGGGGGHHH
So QveenPenvuin (the Mrs.) does the same damned thing. Anyone who says we are stereotyping women ought to look at the way we socially interact.
When I ask a question all I really want is an answer. Wait let me rephrase this I want a specific and susinct and absolute answer. If I ask a Yes No question I want your response to be A) Yes/No and B) the actual answer.
For example:
King: Do you mind if I come home late tonight?
Qveen: Yes.
Good excellent, if she wants to tell me why feel free.
So what do I get?
King: Do you mind if I come home late tonight?
Qveen: Not really.
Now this has taken me years to understand but she just told me no. Here is the logic(?)
In her mind she didn’t give me a definite yes so I should automatically assume she means no. Even though I asked a Yes no option that gave her the oppurtunity to say… well no.
In my mind I heard this: Not really.
That’s it, simple straight forward easy. No subtly, no layered answers got through to me. I heard an answer and did the mental hop that she didn’t really mind.
I’m a guy and I’m sure no guy will argue the fact or think I am oversimplifying when I say Yes means Yes No means no. You want Chinese food say it. Treat me like a child and spell out what you want dumb your answer down so that there is no way I can mistake what your answer is.
Say what you mean! Please!
“We’ll see”
Mrs. elf6c: Want to go over to my parent house this weekend? Can we get a puppy? Can we get a new comforter?
Mr. elf6c: We’ll see.
Mrs. elf6c (Marriage years 1-3): Ok.
Mrs. elf6c: (marriage years 3+) Ohhhh, that means no. 
Mr. elf6c: (marriage years 3+) It means “we’ll see” [actually, it usually does mean no- but leaves weasel room, lest I change my mind].
I cook / in charge of grocercy shop. 1/2 of yard work. All of the verious technology do-dads.
Her: clean up, laundry, pick up dry cleaning.
Seems to work for us.
Oh! I have found the greatest solution for the whole resturant/movie/choices thing. But you have to follow a script.
Person 1: What do you want for dinner tonight?
Person 2: I don’t know, food.
P1: Do you want to give choces or do you want me to?
P2: You go. (Or, alternatively, change to P1 at this point.)
P1: Pizza, Italian, Applebees. (Three choices, all viable. If its a choice between the Star Wars Trilogy set to someone who hates Star Wars, its not a choice.)
P2: (Picks from the list)
The chooser has to give three decent choices. The choosee then has to pick one of the three offered, even if their “right” answer isn’t on there. (If they had a “right” answer, it should have been mentioned back at the beginning. Live learn and have to put up with pizza for a night.)
It makes me happy at least.
I once dated a girl who insisted that in a real relationship all these sorts of things should be unspoken (everything from how one feels about the other to what someone wants to eat). That is a real clash for someone like me who insists on saying everything that can be said to avoid confusion and ambiguity.
That girl is in for a lot of fucking misery and failed relationships.
What about the ever-popular <plaintive> “I guess not.” For the passive-aggressive me, this means, yes I do mind and you should be able to interpret what I say to mean exactly that.
I’m trying to get better. For example, on the restaurant thing I have upgraded from “I don’t care” followed by scrunchy face at suggestions to: “Pick something, as long as I have veto power.”
I must say this board is full of very mature, well-adjusted people. Very refreshing.
I just got into a rather heated discussion with a male friend yesterday because he was upset at someone but wouldn’t just tell them what he was upset about. He came up with this brilliant plan to make them feel guilty, and I just got so fucking frustrated. I said to him, “Why won’t you just TELL THEM they’ve hurt your feelings?” It was so damned juvenile and petty. So you see this behavior is not at all limited to females. Men are just as able to be passive-aggressively stupid.
Yowza!! Thanks for the responses guys. EasyPhil, there’s no flag going up - we’ve been married 8 years and she’s been doing this since we were just living together. It’s just the way she is. It’s something we always talk about - I think DAVEW0071 hit it on the head - I have to “figure out” what she wants. I’d rather be told to do the dishes than find out three days later that she’s been secretly pissed b/c I didn’t do the dishes. Games. It’s been my experience with every old girlfriend I’ve ever known, all my female friends, my Mother, pretty much every woman in my life is this way. That’s why I said “Why do women…”. Notice I didn’t say “Why do ALL women”, GreenBean. I wish I knew more women that weren’t like that, but I don’t.
Awright. Sorry for calling you a jackass. I know you’re not. I was in a bad mood due to something slightly related. I’m just really tired of the “women are this way, men are that way” line of bullshit.
Dooku, I feel your pain.
There are many reasons that some women do this. I think most of them have mentioned: passive-agressive, power-trip, test. Consider adding to the list that, (some) women believe stating their opinion is trying to dominate the relationship, whereas leading you to the answer makes the conversation a collabrative endeavor, where the right answer was mutually ascertained silmultaneously.
cough
That this doesn’t happen here, is yet another reason to love the women of the SDMB.