aha is busy with the Five Americans World Tour.
Carnivorousplant took a position as director of the National Arboretum.
Ultress is busy with her new position as Dean of Women at Wesley College.
Handy was appointed U.S. Ambassador to the UN.
Spoofe is now technical advisor to Rick Berman for Star Trek, Voyager.
Ogre damn well came to work for carnivorousplant at the Arboretum.
Ethilrist won the Powerball and spends his days practicing the recorder, exercising, and trying to beat his son’s and wife’s scores in Pharaoh.
Gazoo had his fingers broken by a bookie in Vegas.
Scylla was overpowered by a mob of angry groundhogs and their Amish masters.
tommndebb was bodily accepted into heaven.
Silent Rob had to take a leave of absence as the SDMB disabled smilies.
jarbabyj is currently in a convent and would like to be called “Sister Josephine.”
Fiver is busy writing the sequel to To Kill a Mockingbird.
Eve is undergoing extensive measures to correct the inherent sexiness of her voice, all of which are failing miserably.
lieu is having penis reduction surgery.
Scylla is installing fence around the Visitor Information Center.
Collounsbury finally got a hold of the near-mythical “book collection back in the states” and hasn’t left them again.
ultrafilter finally realized that, when he named himself F, he was more than just a filter on S with the additional property that for every subset A of S, either A is in F or S \ A is in F, but that he was, in fact, consisting of all sets containing a particular point of S; he has been stuck ever since. (10 points to whoever can figure that one out ;))
Libertarian finally used the ethics of capitalism so well that he bought an island on which to form a new society. (I’m comin’, Lib! Hold on!!)
ah, what the hell, i’ll play…
Esprix is on the lamb, having escaped an “intervention” half-way house, and unable to get to a keyboard. It is still unknown who initiated the “intervention”.
Vinnie Virginslayer has enrolled in sensitivity training in the “Womens Studies” program at his local college.
BDGR is now working for an un-named auto giant, designing the world’s largest SUV. The vehicle is rumored to be powered by twin V12’s and have a complete EXTERNAL roll cage, allowing the vehicle to always end up on its wheels when rolled.
Gatopescado has become a Televangelist, and is preaching againt the evils of the internet. How does he know its evil? RESEARCH!! So many porn sites, so little time…
**Persephone’s **husband gets a record deal and she becomes not only his #1 groupie, but his manager.
**Vinnie Virginslayer ** takes over The Onion as it’s top ace reporter.
**Coldfire **Renounces RUSH’s Greatness and takes up as a roadie for N’Sync.
**Cranky as an Old Man ** gives up trying to find a suitable Peace-themed Xmas card that also donates money to a charity that she approves of and designs her own card, which is a global wide massive hit.
**Canadian Sue ** has defected to Cuba.
**Chrome Toaster ** was upgraded to a microwave.
**kilgore trout ** witnesses a mob hit and enters the witness protection program under the name of Bob Mackeral.
**Swimming Riddles ** changes her user name to Haiku Harriet.
**imthecowgodmoo **returns jubiliantly and there is much celebrating in the streets. Everyone is utterly thrilled at his bovine greatness.
**Shirley Ujest ** is signed on as Victoria Secret’s latest underwear model as well as a 10 book deal and manages to have several of her inventions patented and subsequently picked up and marketed on QVC in time for Christmas.
**Blinking Duck ** migrates south with **Cuba Sue **
Hiryuu, through hard word, determination, and attention to detail, works his way up from copy boy to editor-in-chief of the Journal of Improbable Research.
His pioneering work in many disciplines earns him the attention and approval of his peers and he is at long last awarded the Ig Nobel Prize in Phi-sics.
cougarfang is busy stalking a mouse on the keyboaftnarsog…
so they’re gone? SNIFF SNIFF
dragon shadow is busy flying through the threads . . .
grimpixie has had his user name impersonated and been prevented from posting 
Gp
Dammit, don’t you guys know better than to leave sheep unattended with Dopers around?
MysterEcks died. Nobody noticed.
broccoli! bred with cauliflower and is now known as Brocoflower
GingerOfTheNorth Moved to Florida and joined a commune filled with Bach, Vivaldi and Strauss purists and peels potatoes everyday for lunch.
Demo was sold at 1/2 price of the manufacture’s suggested retail price.
FairyChatMom over dosed on her pixie dust. Some said it was a colorful sight but others just hung their head in shame when they saw it happen.
Somone stepped in GuanoLad
Crunchy Frog had his legs snipped off at a French restaurant, he’s now known as just Frog.
Shirley Ujest keeps telling her best friend Shirley Not to shut up, it became a battle of the wits, Shirley Ujest, Shirley Not, Shirley Ujest, Shirley Not, Shirley Ujest, Shirley Not, etc…better than a tennis match.
Eventually Shirley Ujest married her bestfriend’s brother and became Shirley Ujest-Not.
Christ!:eek: I thought the guy was supposed to be fairly good looking I never imagined he’d have to turn to farm animals for companionship. Poor Esprix. It’s hell for the pretty boys as they get older.
Feynn has been named the new GM of the Montreal Canadiens. He immediately instituted a program to clone the best players of this team’s glory years.
matt_mcl has been elected to Parliament and named minister in charge of Transportation. Under his leadership all the Canadian metro systems have been linked together.
Slip Mahoney took the job of chief of police for Montreal, were he became a Canadiens fan. 
Fenris has been impounded by Boulder’s Animal Control for going outside without proper dog tags :eek:
Gone? Gone?! Wait a minute, you’re telling me that all the “old” people are gone? I thought I just came here! How sad, but they must be very important.
Gaspode posted a poorly-thought-out, slanderous pit-thread, argued himself into an unsupportable position, and is too embarrassed to make another appearance.
No, really.