If you’re sick of men like that maybe you need to be more mindful of who you date. I’m 25 and happily married but looking back at my single life I can’t recall ever dating a bad woman for a long period of time. The closest I came was one date with someone who embarassed me, and herself I think, and I never called her back.
Marc
Thank you all so much. Yes this will pass sooner or later. I do not think he will try to contact me again as I have blocked everyway I can think of and I am moving in two weeks into a new house that he does not know where it is. I can say that this whole ordeal has made me appreciate my company a lot more. My boss is actually sympathetic to my situation and has told me to go for walks if I need to calm down, or even to go home if I need the space!! That amazed me, as my boss is usually a jerk in his own right. Now is the time to wait for the feelings to pass. That is always so hard for me as I am impatient. I am determined not to become one of those bitter women. His loss and all the better for me. (As you can tell my anger has subsided)
What the fuck. So now it’s my fault he’s a liar? I wasn’t mindful enough? Thanks for your support asshole. I get a bombshell dropped on me after a year of being a loving, supportive, giving, caring, honest, poem writting, romancing, sex goddess of a girlfriend and your 2 cents is I need to be mindful of the guys I date. Your right I am sorry, we should never take a chance on love unless we are 100% sure we will not get hurt. Bullshit. I took a chance on love and it didn’t work and now I am hurting because I expected honesty and friendship from a fellow human being and I need to be more mindful Fuck That. He needed to be more honest.
Amen, Tabeitha.
MGibson, your post is completely off the mark. Did you bother to read what she wrote? She was honest, loving and trusting. He abused that trust and she found out. Having also been deceived by a callous, alcoholic pigfucker (thanks for the term, jarbabyj!) who managed to hide his callousness, alcoholism, and pig-fuckery from me for 6 months, I know the hurt from which Tabeitha speaks. What are we supposed to do, run background checks? Monitor his phone calls? For what it’s worth, I am also 25 and married, but I don’t have the gall to claim superiority for those facts. Ride your high horse right on out of here.
Tabeitha, you’ve handled yourself wonderfully and maturely. I know you’ll stay strong and find someone who does deserve you, when you’re ready to give it a go again. In the meantime, be good to yourself and DO NOT second-guess or criticize yourself for not knowing earlier. You were the good person, and have a great future. The best he can hope for is more heartbreak and failure.
Judging by this comment, I’m guessing the girls you were dating weren’t quite as lucky.
While I agree that MGibson’s post had all the tact of an Alcoholic uncle at formal wedding, and while I don’t think we have enough information to apply it to Tabeitha is any way, shape, or form, I do think I understand his agravation: all this talk off many frogs to get a prince reminds me of those people who somehow manage to have one horrible relationship after another for years and years and years, and who you have to watch get hurt over and over and over and that sucks. I am talking about the girl that thinks every guy is Prince Charming and is suprised every time when he disappears three weeks later (often with her stuff or her money), or the guy who introduces every new girlfriend as his soulmate and is inevitably cursing “that psycho-slut from hell” a month later. With this sort of person they always are in the right; they always are treated terribly by people they trusted. But after a few years comforting them starts to feel like enableing: you want to shake them and ask if they maybe see a pattern? That maybe, while yes he is still as asshole, they should use a little more discrestion in picking out mates? It hurts to be friends with someone in this pattern.
I can see where MGibson was coming from, but he was in error thinking it had anything to do with the OP–she didn’t say enough for anyone to tell if this is a pattern for her. I think it was, perhaps, more in reaction to the chourus of “there HAS to be a long line of losers first!”, as if it is OK to let guy after guy after guy hurt and use you because there is a pot of gold at the end. It’s true that we all make mistakes, and we all believe some sort of liar at some point. But the idea that it is supossed to be that way or that it has to be that way is to often used by people with low self-esteem to romantisize the fact that they set their standards too low and their hopes too high. MGibson’s post was rude and inflamatory, but I agree wiht one of his basic ideas–people who habitually date horrible people need to change the pattern, not just bitch and cry in the aftremath.
Manda JO and MGibson (if you meant your post in the way Manda Jo described) I can understand sympathy starts to dull when consoling the same person on the same issue time and again. I assure you I do not make it a habit to get my heart broken.
**
Well let’s take a look at something you said.
“I have been through my share of bad relationships and I really thought he was one of the good ones.”
Gee, sounds like you’ve had some problems in the past with relationships. Maybe you do need to be more mindful about the type of person you date. If you habitually date bad people then maybe there’s something wrong with you as well.
**
Well stick it up your ass you dumb bitch. <whew> That was pit worthy I’m sure.
And the next time you choose a bad relationship I’m sure you’ll take the time to think about the kind of people you date.
Marc
Including this one. 
Marc, You know nothing about me. I expressed my anger here as I thought this was a safe place to do so. You may question the type of people I date, as you have no knowledge of them or me. I have had my share of good relationships as well. I am still friends with most of the guys I have dated. I refuse to justify myself to you any further. It is people like you that have keep me silent on this board for the most part. Instead of adding something useful to the conversation you turn around and insult me for getting myself in a situation where I was hurt. Granted we have choices in who we deal with in life, and granted some people make bad choices repeatedly, but it is not your place to lump me in that category.
Never mind Tabeitha, that’s just our Marc expressing his usual sympathy and encouragement. 
You gotta understand that MGibson is sort of the self-appointed upper-lip-stiffener of the SDMB. Practically any time anybody starts a thread expressing pain about anything—complaining that high school jocks ought not to beat up other kids in the locker room, objecting to government funding of religious activities, bemoaning the fact that their ex-boyfriend is a total shit, whatever—sooner or later, along comes MGibson to tell them not to be such a whiner. So don’t take it personally: I don’t know whether Marc is really so opposed in principle to all complaining or whether he just gets a kick out of the indignation he provokes, but don’t worry, it’s not just you.
**
You thought that the Pit was a safe place to express something? If you wanted a safe place to express yourself maybe IMHO would have been better.
**
You didn’t really make it sound like you did. I acknowledge that I’ve been fortunate to not have a bad relationship. Most others I’ve known have had at least one bad relationship and in one case he married into his. But I’ve not known any of my friends, with the exception of one, to get into more then one damaging relationship.
**
Darn, you’re not going to justify yourself to me. I did add something useful to the conversation. Maybe you do have a habit of picking people who will make for bad relationships. Think about it.
Marc
Granted we have choices in who we deal with in life, and granted some people make bad choices repeatedly, but it is not your place to lump me in that category. **
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**
That’s right. I like to kick puppies and by the way ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
**
Actually I have quite a bit of sympathy for kids who are picked on in school. Nor do I find it acceptable in any way and I’d welcome programs that would do something about it. Unfortunatly kids don’t seem to realize the kind of long term damage they can do to another human being. What I objected to was the gross generalization of “jocks” in general.
**
I object to all sorts of government spending. I just don’t see why I should object more to religious ideas then others. I know there’s that whole SOCAS that the SC handed down but I can’t honestly say the Supreme Court offers me a guideline on how to think. If it makes you feel any better I strongly object to DARE’s presence in public schools as I think they serve as a propaganda machine for the Drug Czar and spreads lies. Of course they might be a non-profit organization with no tax dollars being sent to them.
Yeah don’t take it personally.
Marc
OK Marc, sorry if I misrepresented you. I do think you tend to be drawn to the “Yeah, but…” role when somebody’s upset about something, but I did not mean to imply that I think you like to kick puppies.
Kick?!?! Oh yeah, well don’t forget that the K and the L are close together on the standard keyboard. What I meant to say is that I don’t lick puppies. Of course I kick them!!
Marc
Well, I’m going to side with MGibson’s statement that you might consider being more mindful of the men you date. This is not saying that you’re at fault, but you could be attracted to type of man that habitually use women. I don’t know you, so can’t really say one way or the other, but you shouldn’t discount the possibility that your choice of men lead to the same kind of rotten relationships over and over again. If for example, you like smooth-talking ladies men, you shouldn’t be too surprised when they hurt you. I don’t see how being more mindful of who you choose to date could cause you any harm; I think it’s better than the idea of trying again and getting hurt then trying again and getting hurt, ect ect, until you find someone that doesn’t do damage.
Tabeitha welcome to the club. Been moaning over the same issue myself in another thread, and I’m sure there’s probably a million others on the boards in various places. We should all start a club (The “I’ve Been Screwed Over Again Dopers Club” or something). All the advice is great, but it doesn’t heal the wound that bleeds. The only thing that keeps me going is that I know the next one’s going to be better than the last one. Cold comfort at best, I know, but somedays its the only reason I get out of bed. In the meantime, I suggest you put on some angry, you done me wrong music and blast it as loud as you can stand. It helps a little.
Though MGibson seemed to go out of his way to be tactless and hurtful, I agree with Pyrrhonist that he makes a salient point.
It hurts like hell to hear this – I know from experience that it sounds like less like constructive criticism and more like a kick when you’re down. That fact of the matter is, the constant in all your bad relationships has been you. I don’t doubt that you are a “loving, supportive, giving, caring, honest, poem writting, romancing, sex goddess of a girlfriend”, but you seem to be labouring under the impression those attributes will earn you the respect you deserve. Lavish these traits to the wrong person and they will take and take until you finally leave them. Should they have treated you better? Of course.
There are two books that were recommended to me after my last devastating break-up. The first one help me to admit my culpability in essentially dating the same guy over and over and over again: “Are You The One For Me?” by Barbara de Angelis.
The second is “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker. This is more about self-defense but it also addresses the fact that many women have been trained out of listening to their instincts in the hopes of being “nice”.
I’m sorry that your last boyfriend turned out to be an asshole. It truly isn’t your fault, but you can (and for the sake of self-preservation, must) take steps to ensure you can better identify the next jerk in nice guy’s clothing. Good luck.