Why Valentine's Day suck donkey c*ck.

The BBQ Pit
21

OK, Alphagene, how’s this?

Valentine’s day is cruel and dishonest. In fact, our culture’s whole concept of romantic love is fundamentally cruel and dishonest. It fills people with deeply unrealistic expectations of what another person – who is, after all, only human – can do for them. It surrounds us with fictional images of perfect relationships and encourages us to trade a lifetime of friendships with many different people for a few moments of imaginary ecstasy and many years of loneliness, misery, and feelings of inadequacy.

The SO is expected to fill all the empty spaces in our own souls, yet not bother us with problems of his or her own; to confide completely in us, yet remain mysterious and alluring; to understand the problems of someone of the opposite sex and yet remain 100% masculine or feminine; to be friend, lover, and therapist all in one. We neglect ourselves – except for a few surface details like cleanliness, charm, and chivalry – in the hope that someone else will come along to take care of us. The media preach that true love can’t be bought, and then spend millions of dollars of advertising money teaching us how to buy it.

Girls who are very bright, independent individuals by nature learn that their good points are worth nothing if they don’t have a man. They transform themselves into clones of everyone else lest they scare away a potential boyfriend with a hair out of place or an original thought, and then they wonder why guys never take an interest in the qualities that make them unique.

Guys learn that any expression of vulnerability or uncertainty will make them seem unmanly, and then go out of their way to act caring and sensitive without actually revealing any of their real feelings whatsoever.

They both create a false persona, and wonder why the opposite sex is so two-faced.

Meanwhile, a whole industry feeds off of the steady parade of wretched people duped by this insane view of relationships. The goods sold, of course, are never worth the money. Valentine’s day cards are cheap, common, and impersonal; diamond rings are expensive, common and impersonal. Teddy bears and balloons, for anyone over twelve, are too tacky for words. Chocolates and wine, I confess, are very nice … but half the female population of America can’t enjoy them because they are too worried about getting fat and becoming unattractive to men. Give me a bottle of good beer and the company of friends any day.

I’ll tell you about the insane, the delusional, and the hominids that Darwin forgot some other time.

Observe the snow. It fornicates.

22

I’m with you, Fretful and Alpha (hey Al, I thought you hated us Crazy Cat Ladies and Bitter Old Spinsters? Sounds like you’re just one of us!).

How’s THIS for bitter? OK, all you happily married or living-togethers, ONE of you is gonna die before the other one, unless you’re lucky enough to go down in a plane together. Someday, you’re either gonna kick off and leave him/her all alone and blue, or YOU’RE gonna wind up visiting your SO’s grave! And all us single people will order some ice cream and laugh at you!

Bitter? You want Bitter? I’ll give ya bitter.

23

I love Valentine’s day for one reason and one reason only: Conversation Heart candies! Num Num Num Num Num! But my favorite day of ALL is the day AFTER when they’re all marked down to half off, lol!

Dolce Far Niente

24

I’m sure you had me in mind when you wrote this, right Alphie? Unfortunetly, I will be spending Valentine’s Day like I always spend Valentine’s Day whether I have a boy-toy or not: Sitting in a bar, playing pool and drinking myself silly. That way, if I ever get a lasting SO, I’ll be sure to die first!

Seriously, I think all of you who are bitching are a bunch of So-Called-Valentine’s-Day-Haters
-Who-Likely-Jump-On-The-Bandwagon-Once-You-Can-Con-Someone-Into-Buying-You-A-Bunch-Of-Overpriced-Crap.

Quit feeling sorry for yourselves, it’s so pathetic. You’ve all been watching too much Ally McVeal.

Formerly unknown as “Melanie”

25

And I’m sure that the formerly-happily-marrieds will just look at you, smile softly, and realized that while you were sitting alone being bitter, they were creating a lifetime of memories with someone wonderful. And no matter the eventual end, that’s much better than the alternative.

“Buffalo Bills? Oh, yeah. The guys that always snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.” --WallyM7

26

Thanks Drain, way to suck all the contempt out of us.
sigh
I envy Drain.

27

Fantastic, Fretful. Truly moving in its candor. An powerful anthem for our noble cause. I dinna cry when me own father was hung for stealing a pig, but I’ll cry now.

Those of you who have an SO or eagerly await one think you are above us Single Folk. You mock our rambling calling us bitter. You may have left our ranks for now.

You’ll be back.

28

Where’s Coldfire?

We need a felching post here.

29

I had a teacher tell me I was too young to be bitter. That I’d have to spend a few years in idealism and be crushed til I could understand true cynicism. Fuck that.

Valentines: For 7 years of my life, we had valentines at school. I got maybe 3 a year. None of them were specific for me; they were just from those kids who got EVERYBODY a card because there wasn’t anyone close to them. (Like I did.)

The first girl I ever asked out, I wasn’t interested in, but I felt pressure to have a girlfriend. She was the first friend I’d ever had and I lost her over it.

The first girl I ever had a crush on had a boyfriend the entire 2.5 years. Here’s a tip, kiddos: Never write letters. Ever. They’ll get passed around the damn school.

For 5 years I’ve been too nerdy, too smart, or too ugly for any girl around. The few who’ve been interested were major loons.

I’d almost forgotten my soul-crushing loneliness. Then yesterday in Chem class for no reason some chick asked if I’d ever kissed a girl. Goddamn it.

Lead the crusade against Valentines? By the genes that bound me in this body, by the encyclopedia that created the mind that frightened girls, and by my father who never taught me any sports, I swear I was born for this.

How the fuck is that for bitterness?

–John

30

Yea, unfortunately teachers are full of misinformation. I can’t tell you how pleased we are that you came here and got the real Straight Dope[sup]TM[/sup].

Livin’ on Tums, vitamin E and Rogaine

31

Valentines day is going to be fantastic this year!

My Sweetie’s birthday is also Feb. 14. So she gets a double extra special day.

I have an entire weekend planned topped with the grand finale on the 14th.

First, it’s off to Galveston Island where we will be staying at a very nice hotel. I even sprung for a suite. Galveston isn’t the best beach in the world but this time of the year there aren’t many people there and it should be nice and peaceful and quiet!

We will be back in Dallas Sunday afternoon where we are going to a dinner/theater to see a play and have a nice dinner. After the play we’ll be going home to make sweet passionate… oh hell, we’re going to fuck like rabbits.

Then the 14th. A limo will be there to pick us up and whisk us off to dinner. Then we will spend a couple of hours just driving around the city making out and enjoying the ride. The limo will drop us off at the Hyatt Regency where I will have another room waiting for us with champagne, flowers, chocolates, candles and incense all waiting for us. We will then make sweet passionate… well you know, fuck like bunnies again.

Unless she dumps me before then. lol! as if… :stuck_out_tongue:

32

Blockhead,

I hate you.
only j/k :slight_smile:

John Larrigan

“82.35% of all statistics are made up on the spot”–Vic Reeves

33

It sounds like Blockhead will have a great weekend, and I am woman enough to admit I am jealous enough to make me gag. I would love to be treated to a weekend like that, she is a lucky gal blockhead.

And I am sure your posting wasnt intended to rub John’s face in the dirt, you must not have read his. For me to believe anything else, well that would make you a cruel monster.

34

Now I am in charge of the valentines spread for 3 days leading up to the day.

Yuck!

35

I know this is the Pit, but I have a nice Valentines story. I have a story for every occasion, btw.

My friend (she wasn’t at the time, I met her later) was at a little party-thing shortly before Valentines Day, and was chatting with this guy. They got to talking about how sucky it was to not have an SO on V-Day and get chocolate and nice things, and as a joke, the guy sent her a Valentines card a couple days later. So she calls him back, he asks her out…

That was two years ago. They’re getting married in August.

~Harborina

“This is my sandbox. I’m not allowed to go in the deep end. That’s where I saw the leprechauns.”

36

Hi Honey! Happy VD!

Look, I bought you some chocloate candies! The stuff that will make you fat, give you zits, and rot your teeth. Just because I care.

And here are some flowers! Your favorite! The ones you’re allergic to, remember? I’ll put them in some water.

And a card! Here, let me read it to you:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
Let’s screw.

Whaddaya say, huh? Oh no, again? Honey, I’m worried that you’ll bleed to death.

And look! A diamond! I know, I know, I’ve always said that they’re useless and expensive, but I know your undying devotion has to be bought, just like they say in the commercials. Besides, the guy at the store explained that they do have a use. Look outside, at the car. See? I carved our initials into the windshield, with a heart around them! That way, everyone on the block will know that we’re a loving couple, at least until we trade the car in. Or until you wreck it, like you did the last two.

Honey, I really hope you enjoy everything I got you, because now we can’t afford that nice dinner I promised. But that’s ok, I stopped by the video store and rented a tape of the most romantic comedian of the last 20 years. Ever hear of Sam Kinison? No? Are you in for a treat…

“You can observe a lot just by watching.” – Yogi Berra

37

The truth is this holiday is all about spending money, it should be green instead of red. Of course it sucks for single people, it exists only as a reminder of how single we are. Kelli, if I had someway to send you flowers on this commercial and overhyped “Day” I would. Be well all, we should show love to ech other every day. not just V-Day.

All rights reserved, all wrongs revenged.

38

I’m waiting for other people’s tales of dating the hominids Darwin forgot. Once upon a time, eons ago, I was asked out by a person forever to be known as the Fat Boy. It was free dinner, so I thought, What’s the harm? Free dinner led to free lunch and free presents and this and that, and a year later I still disliked the cretin but, hey, the stuff was free, and What’s this about wanting to take me on a cruise? On the cruise, Fat Boy proposed, in the moonlight, with the lights of the coast of Cuba just over the horizon, with a large diamond in his upstretched hand. I just about barfed in his hand. The worst thing about said forgotten hominids is that somehow they get enough money to trick us greedy cynics.

So piss on Valentine’s Day. Who wants a bunch of (or one) crappy cards with fake sentiment dreamed up by out of work depressed wanna be novelists? What adult really needs a teddy bear for their dog to chew up or balloons to fret about deflating? And who wants those stinkin hothouse roses grown by underage slave labor surrounded by babies breath, which everyone knows is an allergen and roach attractant anyway? Or artery clogging chocolate - if you want it, buy it for your damn self any old time; you don’t even like the mystery flavors created by some crazed ‘chef’ 3 years in the past!

Don’t even let me get started on those “getaways”. It’s too late. Get away is about right - get away to all the commercial horrors mentioned above, with the addition of cheesey surroundings, an uncomfortable bed that is not your own, obsequeous hotel managers and surley bellboys and maids, towels that are too small and thin, and food that god knows who spat in just because they are bitter about all those happy people out celebrating their undying love for each other. Plus, get away from saving any money for your crappy old age; buying two rocking chairs on social security isn’t cheap, ya know.

So happy fucking valentine’s day, all you elephant feltching ass mongers! (sorry I stole that from ChiefScott)

39

Valentine’s Day…bleah. I am just too damn tired to be bitter though…never having a boyfriend can really wear you down…those diamond commercials really make me mad though…I mean, I would be happy if a man brought me flowers he picked out of my own garden…Sometimes I want to grab a woman by the shoulders and shake her, and scream at her to wake up! She is lucky just to have a man who loves her…SOME people would give anything to have that. You don’t need diamonds! Anyway, I will be on my ski vacation on that dreaded day…I’ll be the one plowing into all the happy couples.

40

Ok, who are you and what the hell have you done with Libby!?! {j/k}

Love does some amazing shit, don’t it, Libby? :slight_smile: I feel exactly the same way you do, although no one who’s known me over the past three (intentionally celibate) years would ever guess that my opinion of VD (and all that it entails) would soften. I mean, if you’re strictly single, VD really sucks, but if you’re in a wonderful relationship, sucking is a GOOD thing.

StoryTyler
“Not everybody does it, but everybody should.”
I Spy Ty.