Since the relationship does not appear to be going your way with the slow and smooth approach, you effectively appear have little to lose unless a possible “I’m really not that into you” speech will break you emotionally.
You’re a man she’s a woman. Broach the issue in a respectful but direct way. A man being uber polite and tip-toeing around a common sensical question is not going to endear him to a most women. Women overall generally prefer for the men (that they are interested in, or might be interested in) to be direct with them.
It’s like asking a girl out on a date. What exactly do you have to lose if she says no? Will they come and take your Masterstudman card away? Will you be shunned or beaten? If not just ask the question.
I also think she’s not interested in dating you, but wants to keep hanging out. Still–why couldn’t she address that seperately? I have friend’s phone numbers who I’ve never dated. My conclusion would be she’s weird and likes to screw with people’s heads.
Solution 1: Shrug and do your own thing, hang out with her in a group in the future if you’re interested.
Solution 2 (I’d be tempted by this): Next time she invites you out, give her a weird look and say “No.”
Another possibility. Maybe it’s just a situational thing. She had an ex-date that now harasses her via phone so she’s just being cautious about giving it out again. She didn’t explain maybe because she didn’t want you to get the idea she thought you’d do the same.
She’s not interested in dating you. Rides and walks are one thing. If she was interested she’d have given you her phone number. Since she didn’t, she’s not interested. Move on and find someone else. Keep giving her rides if you are friends tho.
I would just keep giving her rides, going for coffee, etc, with her for another week or two, and if things are still going well between you then ask again - with a smile and a half-cocky-but-still-nice tone of voice (hard to put into words, but you probably know what I mean,) “so, am I finally going to get your number?”
Sounds pretty kooky but if she’s got only one weird thing she does you’re lucky.
You’ve met her roommates, maybe you can ask one of them why she won’t give out her number. Maybe they’ll say that no one has her number.
Are you sure she even has a phone? Maybe she was late on her bill and lost her phone and is embarrassed or crabby about it. If that turns out to be true you can get her a paid minute phone just for the two of you and live happily ever after with a funny romantic story to tell the kids.
I think we need the ladies to chime in on this one. IF she’s interested, it seems like she’d mfr a white lie rather than just shutting him down without explanation. That would only discourage him.
“if she’s only got one weird thing”—how many times have I told myself that?
I understood she didn’t shut him down with just a ‘no’. They were interrupted at that very moment and it was left there, a totally different thing really.
We will be waiting with baited breath though to find out the why!
Me: Oh, hey, I was meaning to ask you for your number.
Her: :dubious: Uh, no.
Me: Heh, I just figured it’d make planning a little easier.
Her: [Opening mouth to respond]
Friends: Hey! I found ------!
Her: Great! Speaker, this is -------.
Woman here, no clues as to why she said no. It seems from your last post that she was definitely going to explain before the interruption.
My vote is for your idea of asking her out for coffee by email again, just that.
With luck, she’ll bring up the reason for the phone thing either in her reply or when you meet (it could be a matter of courtesy for her to explain face to face). If she doesn’t, I’d suggest bringing it up yourself after a while, not as the conversation opener, get a feel for how comfortable you both are first.
It sounds like she was cut off before she could give an explanation, then was relieved when her friends showed up. I’m inclined to think there’s no boyfriend, but her phone may be paid for by her parents, and she doesn’t want to have to explain who you are if they track her cell usage.
I’d be inclined to think that she’d like *some *space, and with you knowing where she lives and what her email addy is, if you add in ‘phone number’ she’s pretty much available to you 24/7.
Or, maybe she’d rather speak to **Speaker **privately? It could be more embarrassing for her than for him.
My folks insist I borrow one of their cell phones if I’m going out of town. I may have friends who think I don’t want them to have my number - I don’t think of giving it out, because it’s not my phone, it’s not my number and you wouldn’t get hold of me if you rang it when I got home.
I don’t know what the situation is with Speaker, I hope it’s something equally silly.
I prefer email to phone: lots of people do strange things with the phone during a long conversation, so that a lot of the time I can’t hear them clearly. They call at any time that’s convenient for them; often people who are perfectly polite otherwise will not take a hint weaker than SLAM; if I say “I’m sorry but it’s a real bad time, can I call you back in half an hour?” they take… 25 minutes to hang up :smack:
I’ve had monologues where I put down the phone, went to the bathroom, washed my hands, got a fresh glass of water, picked the phone back up and the other person hadn’t noticed I wasn’t there, they’d just kept yapping happily away. This includes several close relatives and an ex.
Those are risks you don’t run with email. But try to explain it to someone who’s so far been nice without sounding like "uh, I’m afraid you may be one of those folks who turn into complete arseholes the minute they grab a handset. :o sorry :o " - which after all is the case.
