After looking around a bit, I can’t find where I got the idea you were out drinking with some friend, so, mea culpa, I can’t back that up. I don’t usually make stuff up, though, so I’ll give you an apology for that.
As for you being insulted for some friend, go ahead, if it distracts you from yourself.
I wasn’t insulting anybody, but since you brought it up: why is it such an insult that your friends would only hang around an alcoholic if they were, themselves, alcoholics?
I was referring to the insult of calling my co worker an asshole.
Does your asshole friend post on this board?
OK then, come back in November and tell us how it goes. Nothing’s going to change until then, so there’s not much point offering new advice. Eagerly awaiting your next update.
You’ve been calling him your ex since you joined the Board but in fact you’ve later said you just filed for divorce two weeks ago. I think that would have changed the whole “how do I get him out?” thing. But yeah, moving out in November without taking him with you should do it. It does make me wonder though if you aren’t dumping all the “bad” on him.
If you start with Al-Anon they’ll show you how to take your focus off him and put it where it belongs—on you. And once you only have yourself to change maybe you can face reality and go to AA. It’s a process, but if you don’t start putting one foot in front of the other you are going nowhere.
I kind of think the people at church have gotten tired of hearing your tale. That’s why you started talking about it on this Board, to go through the whole rigamarole again, indefinitely, to continue putting off actually doing something about your situation. But guess what? If you do screw up your courage and take that first step to help you and your kids, you’ll probably have just as many posters supporting you along the way if that’s what you want.
This is such a fucked up situation…And YES, as a recently sober alcoholic I HAVE been in a similar pair a moccasins.
You are SICK, very sick, and quite delusional. Anyone who knows you and lets your kids still live with you without calling CPS is not a friend, they are merely an acquaintance.
This is NOT about your (ex)husband or even about you…it is a sad tale of child neglect/abuse (IMHO).
Call a trusted family member, arrange for them to take custody of your children for at LEAST 6 months, get your self denying ass into rehab and pay the fuck attention.
You cannot and will not change your fuck buddy but you can change yourself…when you have serious sobriety under your belt you MAY be able to mend your relationship with your kids, and please don’t try to convince me or any of us that they are not the victims of this insanity, they most assuredly are!
You don’t need LUCK…you need strong consequences, and I promise you they will follow if you don’t take care of your side of the street.
Quit fucking whining and start ACTING! Not in November or next week, TODAY.
Let’s end the co-worker hijack, everyone…take it to the Pit if you want to hash it out, but since it has no bearing on this topic’s subject, drop it.
Consequently, remember you’re in MPSIMS and not the Pit, everybody.
A lot of these responses confuse me. Why so angry? Here is a person going through a tough goddam time. I shot heroin for 20 years and have been sober for 6. Whenever I talk to someone who is on the midst of their addiction and is searching for a way out, I don’t berate them or swear at em because I feel like they are not doing the right thing in regards to their recovery.
Empathy man. Thats what i try to give them.Empathy, info and straight talk. But for all that people have to do things in their own time. Swearing or belittling them ain’t gonna make them say “oh yeah, you’re right!”
I understand the kids thing lends a more serious aspect to the situation but shaming or belittling someone whether IRL or on the internet (which probably makes it easier) doesn’t help.
When I hear a story like this I remember the desperation of my own life at that time. Going off on that person never even crosses my mind.
Her children are going through a tougher goddamn time. I had one alcoholic parent and it fucked me up pretty good. Any kid with two alcoholic parents has 2 strikes against them from the start.
I don’t think it’s anger as much as frustration, although in a written medium like a message board it’s hard to tell them apart.
The OP has said that she’s hoping someone will say the right thing that will jolt her into action. I can sort of understand that impulse, actually, if it’s sincere. Unfortunately it seems that the one thing that anyone’s said that has made an impression is the co-worker/enabler’s question about how many of us here have actually been in OP’s shoes. The implication is pretty clear- what most of us have said can be partially or entirely dismissed because we “haven’t been in her shoes,” at least in the view of co-worker/enabler. And this is the one comment that is cited by the OP as a “good point.” So, yeah, I think some frustration is understandable. If I could talk to the co-worker/enabler, I’d point out that I’ve never bashed myself continuously in the face with a board, but if I saw someone doing it and asking for help to make their face stop hurting, I’d feel that my advice to, you know, stop doing that would still be pretty solid.
I really do hope the OP straightens things out, and I agree that if she actually starts taking definitive steps to fix this mess she’ll have a lot of support from the board. She’s shown the capacity to take action to improve her life (seeing a therapist, going to parenting classes). I believe she CAN get out of this situation, I’m just not sure wants to enough to actually do it. This makes it feel like everyone’s time and good impulses to help are just being wasted. Hence that understandable frustration thing again.
I mainly wrote this for Schism’s benefit to answer the “Why so angry?” question, not because I’m actually interested in seeing the thread continue, with the board wasting more time and effort trying to offer help that’s unlikely to be accepted.