Whether a women finds a man’s behavior creepy is invariably tied up with how attracted to him she is. You at least were some what interested in him, so his persistence seems romantic. If you* weren’t interested in him, that same behavior probably would ping the creepy meter.
*General, not specific you here.
Heh, nah. Of course she was free to do whatever the fuck she wanted, she didn’t sign a contract or anything.
Because of the circumstances (her going away to for the summer) the game was rigged against me from the start, and I should not have let my emotions get tied up with her over the summer. At the same time I would have preferred her saying “let’s be friends and stay that way” instead of there being this “let’s be friends for now and maybe something more when we get back” ambiguity that she left me with.
Since you are seeing her again on Saturday be open, sociable, and approachable but don’t press her again for a date. Instead, pay attention to her body language.
If interested she’ll most likely appear pleased when you talk to her and appear “open” most of the evening. She may be a little more flirty than usual and will make it easy for you to approach her and talk to her. She may even mention what she was doing on Friday just to let you know that this really was something she needed to go to but now she has time to discuss future plans. If this is the case go ahead and ask her out again and work out the time.
If she’s not interested in you she’ll appear closed most of the evening. She may not face directly towards you, will avoid eye contact, will surround herself with her friends so you don’t have an opportunity to ask her out again, and will be more succinct in her answers than she may have been in the past. Don’t worry, just take the hints and remain friendly. Once she realizes you aren’t going to ask her out again she’ll return to how things were so no harm no foul. But if you persist in this case you’ll be the creep in the group.
I’d consider it a “maybe.” you don’t know what the intent was. It could well be a “no.” So be hopeful and wait. Certainly don’t embarrass everybody by calling her. The person with the rain-check is responsible for redeeming it. Many rain-checks are never executed.
This is where I differ from many posters here. A metaphorical date “raincheck” isn’t completely analogous to a baseball or retail raincheck. It’s just more along the lines of “maybe some other time.”
It’d be a pity if you sat there waiting for her to make the next move while she’s thinking, “I thought this guy liked me. Why isn’t he asking me out again?”
Certainly I can’t argue with paying attention to her body language and other cues, but dude, the next move is yours, or there might not be a next move.
Don’t you just love those answers that could mean either “yes” or “no”? Come to think of it, it could probably mean “maybe” as well.
At your next meeting, announce loudly:
I have decided on a title for my new novel: Raincheck. It is the story of a modern upstanding young man searching for true love.
Then you look at this woman straight in the eye and see if she smiles at you and winks (or any other version of the “come-hither” look). If she does, you’re in.
You mean like this? 
Now you think less of him because he’s pushy and can’t take a hint. He, on the other hand, thinks less of you because you play mind games and won’t give straight answers.
Not to bang on you personally, just… politeness, who needs it?
Right, but the rain check giver must offer the service again. You can’t give me a rain check to a baseball game if the team is never going to play again.
Your post was the best in the thread.
The OP has more than just the literal words from her mouth to go by. He should be looking at the whole package. I’m inclined to think her “raincheck” was a coy way of rejecting his advances, because she suggested no alternative dates. That said, if the OP is that unsure of her intent, he should be paying attention to how she interacts with him the next time he sees her.
A woman that is not interested in a guy who has expressed interest in her usually acts cool around him, if not awkward or avoidant. This is even more the case if she rejected him in a rather oblique manner, because she knows that there is some risk that he didn’t take the hint and so now she has to be extra certain she’s not doing anything to lead him on. So she’s less likely to initiate conversation, less likely to laugh at all your jokes, less likely to make eye contact, etc.
If her behavior towards you seems noticeably cooler than in previous interactions, and you’re afraid of being too pushy, then don’t bother asking her out. If that doesn’t seem to be the case, go for it.
Some people are really just busy. I don’t consider myself that busy, but if someone asked me out on a given night (especially on short notice) odds are good I’d have something going on. Even being busy on two given nights wouldn’t be that unusual.
Here’s what I would do: ask one more time. If she says she’s busy again, just lob the ball gently into her court. “That’s cool, sounds like you have a lot going on. I would really love to hang out sometime, though, so if you’re ever free and want to get together give me a call.” Then drop it and go back to interacting with her just like you always did. If she’s interested she’ll call, and if she’s not she won’t.
So her saying; “No”, “No”, “No!” couldn’t be interpreted as a straight answer, only as mind games - I see how that could be a problem.
I agree that **Frazzle **has the best response so far.
I almost never turn anyone down, and I’m really awkward, so this has only happened once, and it was fairly unambiguous, but no. Definitely not.
I am not sure how to handle the situation, BUT, my guess is that if you do nothing for at least a week, one of two things could happen:
(1) She avoids you like the plague for the following week or so, and then slowly warms up to normal friendship/colleague status again.
(2) You start to see her more often; she smiles at you more often, or at least the same amount; she does not appear awkward at all.
If (1), she wasn’t interested and is now terrified you will ask her again and she’ll have to reject you outright. If (2), go for it!
I’m a dude who honestly hasn’t had much experience with the dating scene myself. I met my soul mate young, and married her. So, while I have experience with women, don’t have much with the “dating scene”…
However, my BFF is a female, who is in the dating scene… So, I’m a dude who experience with getting dates has all been through a really good friend, who happened to be single, and very attractive, and got or gave a phone number every time we went out (I’m not even kidding, I was the safe married guy, who was escort to make sure she was safe, and every time we went out we got a number… Once, we even went for a walk in the apartment complex… and she got a number… It was AMAZING how often people tried picking her up. Though, she is a total bomb shell, so can’t blame them.)
From my experience as a guy with a BFF of a female who told me everything… “Raincheck” wasn’t an excuse she ever used to blow someone off, and she used it herself when she actually had plans (work, test, school, whatever). To her, the word was, “I’m not available now, try again later”. So… I would try again later, and leave the time of the date open. Suggest something like taking her to dinner, when would you have a night free? Type of thing…
As for the not interested side of things… She had two ways she delt, one… Tell them straight up, she’s not interested… Or two, just not respond to their texts any more… Depended on the guy, and how far they got in the first place.
Though… She’s had the other problem… Guys she actually is interested in, she has to blow off the first date, due to work or school, and then she doesn’t hear from them, while she is waiting for a text or call… and waiting… and waiting…
So, basically… you have her number? Call or text her, ask her out, leave it open ended… If she doesn’t respond back in 48 hours, text or call her again… She still doesn’t respond, then give up.
Wait, what? How the hell is unambiguously saying “no” repeatedly “mind games”? Was she supposed to spit in his face and insult his penis too in order to really nail her lack of interest home?
I’m with a lot of the other posters who say this is ambiguous and you could give it another try.
If it were me and a guy asked me out something along the lines of “Do you want to go see “Tower Heist” tomorrow?” and I legitimately couldn’t get out of something I’d say specifically what it was I couldn’t get out of and suggest something another day/night when I was free.
An unusual circumstance might be where you asked her to a specific, one-time thing. “Hey I have Springsteen tickets for Friday - would you like to come?” If she doesn’t like Springsteen or whoever it puts her in a bit of a spot. You might feel out the reception by saying something conversationally like “Do you like Bruce Springsteen?” If she says “Yes” THEN tell her you have tickets and ask her if she wants to go with you.
Last time I was on an unpromising date, I told the guy what was up in a polite but clear manner. I said outright “I had a lot of fun tonight, and you seem like a really fun person. I’m not feeling a lot of chemistry between us, but thanks for a good night and best of luck.”
He responded with a hissy fit, and babbled a lot of self-indulgent nonsense in between making swipes about how horrible women are for not being attractive to him. It was extremely awkward and unfun and all I wanted to do was get away from him and never see him again. I feel for the guy- rejection sucks. But considering it’s the first time I had ever met him, I didn’t really feel a huge sense of duty to manage his ego.
And so I’ve reconverted to the cagey finish.
Guys, we really appreciate that you put yourself out there. It can be tough. But let’s not get ahead of yourself. Asking a girl out on a date is not exactly like asking Carlos Slim to give his fortune to charity. You are asking a girl out on a date because you want to get something. It’s generally a pretty selfish act (not in a bad way.) So while yeah, it’s tough, but you are doing it for the rewards, not out of some kind of charity.
I haven’t read this thread other than the OP and I have no intention to (other than a few posts I quickly glanced at), but at the risk of writing something that’s already been said here, I’ll tell you the rule:
If a male asks a female out for a date and said female turns down said male for any reason whatsoever or no reason at all, then here’s how you should respond:
(1) If the turn-down in any way clearly says “No, no-how, no-way, forget it, get lost, don’t even ask again”, then forget it. (If a female responds like this when she is actually telling you to try harder, said female is an asshole. Run, don’t walk, the other way. Males gotta make it clear that there is zero tolerance for this. If she simply really means no, then in that case to you have nothing to gain by persisting. If you can’t really tell which is the case, that doesn’t matter.)
(2) More commonly, a turn-down from a female will be studiously ambiguous. This is the typical lame-excuse thingy. Oh, I’d love to go out with you, but I shampoo my cat that day. Recommended responses:
– (a) It’s helpful if you have a back-up time in mind on another day, that you could suggest right then on-the-spot (as I think somebody above has already suggested).
– (b) Whether that works or not, ask again another time.
(3) Here’s the critical rule: If a female does not accept a date with you after TWO requests, then forget that female and NEVER ask again. Otherwise, you are just asking for repeated rejection. The “obvious” logic is the “teach all females a lesson” thinking – zero tolerance for multiple turn-downs. However, there’s actually a less obvious and slightly less cynical logic as well: If you ask a female for a date and she actually wants to go out with you, then she will make sure it happens! If your first request is really a bad day for her, and she wants to go out with you, then she WILL make sure your second request somehow works. She may suggest another day, or she may rearrange her schedule to accommodate. But if a female turns you down twice for whatever stated reason whatsoever, you can be absolutely certain she’s not interested.
Note the above is written in terms of a male seeking a date with a female. I have no idea, really, how the dynamics works in the case of a female seeking a date with a male.
This is one of those male behaviors that primarily exists in the movies. Sure there is some subset of the male populace that may do this but the vast majority of men wouldn’t do this.