Not meaning to pick on Gary T, but his quote most succinctly stated what a lot of you seem to be saying. And I don’t understand it at all. How can you like or not like “Women”? I find myself unable to make judgements about billions of people I have never met. The offender in the OP (and yes, I agee he sounds like a prick) generalized about women negatively, but you are all saying we should generalize about women positively. I see no reason that giving a positive spin to “women” in general is any more logical than giving them a negative spin.
Personally I like and dislike people individually, not as groups. Perhaps that is what needs to be pointed out to the OP’s subject : That people are individuals, not representatives of their respective sexes and they need to be judged individually.
That’s a good point, and a good idea. I think telling him that would not be very likely to get him on the defensive, Love Rhombus, so he might actually listen to what you’re trying to tell him.
BTW, I’ve found that it’s bad policy to hang out with misogynists. Because they only see women as vaginas, they don’t realize the women could mean more to you. They’ll attempt to get ass from your SO, and whether or not they succeed it’s extremely damaging to the friendship and can damage your relationship with the woman too.
This is the voice of twice-over experience here, BTW.
He’s already expressed that pussy comes before peoples’ opinions and criticisms, which indirectly leads to the belief he holds (trust me) that pussy comes before people in general, which directly leads to the belief he holds (trust me!) that getting his pencil wet comes before his friendships. Don’t get me wrong, he may never want to hurt you, but when he’s got a choice between scoring pussy and doing what’s right by you he’s not even going to think about doing what’s right. Again, not because he wants to do wrong–just because his mental list has “Insert Penis Into Vagina” at position #1, and any incoming stimulus promising to fulfill that objective doesn’t have a chance to filter down to “Be Decent To Your Friends Who Are Looking Out For You”.
Trust me.
It’s quite noble of you to want to change him, but unless you’re exclusively homosexual (and you know for a fact that he’s exclusively heterosexual!*) he will hurt you if he ever has the chance. Again, he doesn’t actually have to score to do it. And even if you are gay (and I’m not saying you are**) etc., he’ll hurt you as a friend or even as an acquaintance because his personal goals will come before the mental filter that asks him “How can you do right by Love Rhombus?” My advice? Drop the dude like a hot potato and leave him to a professional who’s not connected to his life otherwise.
You’d be surprised how many caveman-like misogynist “Og hump!” type guys aren’t.
** Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
You’re suggesting that he may be secretly closeted and this frustration is coming out (so to speak) by way of these words? Also, is “Og Hump!” anything like “Hulk Smash”?
The problem is I’m too close to him. It’s not even that I like him very much; even before he made these immortal statements he always felt sort of lonely and desperate for attention. And I’ve been there, I know that feeling…but there’s the endearing version of that, and the kinda uncomfortable version of that. I dunno, maybe it’s too hard to explain. That standing, like I said I’ve just spent too much time to totally disconnect with him. He’s a friend of a friend, in a small circle, so it may be tough to do. I will try, but I will also make my feelings known if he just won’t be straightened out and fly right.
Maybe you can just minimize your contact with him. Don’t introduce him to your friends, don’t hang out with him unless you’re clearly doing it through the mutual friend, and don’t ever let him see your SO should you have or acquire a relationship with one. That’s my two cents.
There are some guys that all they care about is getting laid. Well, most of us do, but there are some guys that just put that ahead of everything else. These people are difficult to stay friends with because like a drug addict, they will pursue pussy to the point of being self-destructive. At the very least, they are a nuisance because when you go out, they immediately blow everyone off to go hit on girls. They can get you into trouble by association if they start hitting on the wrong girl. They can make things awkward for you by involving you in their lies and cover ups. And at worst, they may have no trouble hitting on your girlfriend or SO.
I don’t buy the closet homosexual thing, but guys like this quite often are dealing with some sort internal issues. They could be lashing out because some girls screwed them over once or they have something to prove. Like some sort of dominance thing - hey look who’s girlfriend I banged!
I’ve dealt with that issue twice, once very recently. I really only have one male “friend” right now and it turns out that he cares more about pussy than me. He called my girlfriend and made some very, very forward and very inappropriate requests to her and even told her he’d learn her native language for her. The worst part is I realized that he wasn’t even trying to fuck with me–he just had a big “Og Hump” drain at the top of his spinal cord that intercepted and processed all incoming signals before his cerebral cortex got a chance to evaluate them, and I’m a good buddy before and after but when it came down to instinct-fulfillment time I don’t even exist. Fuck that. I don’t need a third lesson. I now have a no-misogynists rule, period. There is no tolerance and there is no nobly sticking around trying to change people. I’ve decided that misogynist “friends” can eat my shit.
It was really just a passing thought tossed into the ring. You’d be surprised, though; I believe some guys put on the pussy-fiend image to hide homosexuality that they may or may not be aware of, just as I believe some gay guys put themselves into traditional gender roles (marriage/kids, Big Buff Jock, etc.) to hide their homosexuality, maybe from themselves. I went to university with a Big Buff Jock and a lot of his high school friends. Turns out the guy was all about beating down openly gay kids in high school but at one of the big senior parties, when the liquor got flowing, he was making out with another man in the jacuzzi. His alpha-male lifestyle was really just a coverup for a sexual identity complex he didn’t know he had.
Just for interest’s sake, this isn’t unique to men. I knew a woman once who had almost word-for-word the same attitude; and my Cheatin’ Ex[sup]TM[/sup] was guilty enough over masturbation to admit to it only twice during our relationship, but (as events proved) was short on inhibitions over married men.
I feel sorry for this guy for one reason: he’s painted himself into a corner, he’ll be staying there indefinitely, and he doesn’t know why. But yeah, it’s up to him to better himself.
Wow, I want to say again thanks for all of the great responses. Women are a deeply confusing and occasionally frustrating group, and one that warrants about…I’d say…75 more years of study on my part :D. This task will be considerably simplified by minimal interaction with the apparent jerkweed I’ve been describing, though his POV is indeed fascinating from a scientific POV.
Kill him with your penis and then study his brain. That’ll put an ironic end to the story and you’ll gain a lot more of that scientific knowldge stuff, too!
I think I know what you mean. Like I posted earlier, when I was online dating, the one guy that I stopped corresponding with came across as lonely and bitter. The guy that I married had been stomped on and treated very badly by a woman, but I didn’t even find out about it until a bit later, and he never came across as bitter and angry about it - he had basically dealt with it and moved on. I would be shocked to find out your friend isn’t giving off a lonely, bitter, desperate vibe to every woman he meets, and scares 'em right off, making him more lonely, bitter, and desperate. Nice vicious circle.
Doesn’t matter, we can smell the vibes from miles away. He sounds seriously bitter, of the Sour Grapes “I can’t have one, so I hate them and think they are stupid” variety.
He’ll either learn, or he won’t ever “get one” (unless she truly is a stupid woman). Simple as that.
Can women smell the “I haven’t had sex” vibe off of men? I mean, most single guys have this vibe anyway, but I mean the ones who have a lot of pent-up need?
I wouldn’t say it is the pent-up sex need thing, but there is definitely a desperate vibe that men can give off that is almost guaranteed woman repeller. In my experience, I find the bitter, angry thing the biggest turn-off. Other women’s mileage may vary.
I used to have pretty good radar for the “pent-up sex need” thing. this is in the days before I was a respectable maried women, back when I was a horny, manipulative teenager.
Those were the guys I’d try and chat up in a bar, if I wasn’t having any luck with the guy I’d first set my sights on. The desperate guys were always good for a free drink and if they weren’t too awful, guaranteed (proably mediocre) sex.
Desperate in a eager-to-please-puppy dog way is good.
Desperate in a scary-possible date rapist-bitter-and-twisted way is not.