I think you said your friend doesn’t masturbate. Maybe he should reconsider that. Might just take his levels of, um, anxiety down a few orders of magnitude. Also, I believe you said he said something like, “A woman ought to be giving me orgasms.” I can’t think of ANYTHING more likely to turn women off than any perception of the attitude that she somehow OWES him a handjob, blowjob or whatever, just because he’s horny. It’s like telling a libertarian that you feel that society owes you a comfy house with a 42" plasma TV and premium cable channels, just because you’re a citizen. OK, maybe not that bad. But still, pretty bad.
Yup. Bingo. If you get a chance, he needs to hear exactly what EC said.
Oh yes. That desperation vibe is scary, And a good rule of thumb is that if a person isn’t happy by him/herself, a partner isn’t going to MAKE him or her happy.
I’d wager that most of us do. It is pretty easy to read, unless one is a young seriously naive woman with no experience. One player is all it takes to wise up most girls.
Men who have that vibe can’t seem to keep themselves from saying stupid smarmy lines. They think they’re being sly and smooth. They’re not.
Not sure if I’d go so far as to call it “good” or not. But it is at least workable and not really offputting (unless there is slobber involved :D).
Actually, what worries me most is this line:
Love Rhombus, if you do want to help this guy, I’d do some digging here. It sounds like he could be digging himself a rather big hole professionally. Are her criticisms legitimate? Is he in danger of losing his job? If so, is there something in his work or attitude which would make it harder for him to find or keep a new job. I’ve lived without love and without work. Living without love is easier.
CJ
For two minutes.
…with a 30-second break in the middle.
He also only possesses one porn movie. Perhaps it’s very good, but this seems unusual, to me. When I asked WHY he only had one, the “I’m not going to jerk off” line was uttered.
Last night I told him that I was concerned that his attitude was edging towards misogyny. When he said that that means hatred toward women and he doesn’t hate women, I asked him about his earlier comments, and he said he just was beginning to feel comtempt for them. I would have kept going, but I had no real urge to ruin my dinner, especially since I was annoyed that he had been invited anyway. I woudl go to dinner with him and the other guys tonight, but I’m just not in the mood, and I don’t want to make things awkward if I start trying to “readjust” him in the middle of the meal. Don’t take this to mean that I’m going to give up, but I need to reconsider my stratagy. Call me naieve, but I just feel that if I just had the right way to hit this guy, so to speak, he’d crack.
I’m no expert, but I think that “cracking” him as you put it might open a bigger can of worms than you are willing to deal with over the dinner table. My guess is that a whole lot of pent up thoughts/emotions are driving his mysogynistic behaviors.
You might have better results by using Podkayne’s suggestion and just letting him know that voicing those thoughts is a bad idea.
(shrug) my two cents
:sigh:
Well, I think we all agree on the helpful hint he certainly should hear at some stage - ‘Most women can sense when you think they’re stupid or less worthwhile than yourself’ - would HE go out with someone who he knew thought he was stupid or unimportant? No? Guess what? Neither would most women. The genuinely stupid ones, maybe. The rest, not so much. So his current attitude is going to bring him a lot more failure than success.
If you can convince him of that, it might be a good start. Just a start, mind.
I suggest you give up and move on. That’s what I’d do, anyway; I’ve had one too many close calls with misogynistic “friends”, and I’ll be damned if they’ll fool me thrice. Like addicts, they can’t be helped unless they want to. One rebuff–which he’s already given you–would be enough to tell me it’s a lost cause. YMMV.
You know, this bugs me a little bit. I’m a great person, and he feels contempt for me? He doesn’t even know me; he should be lucky enough to know people like me. I don’t really get this attitude at all.
I agree. And do your other dinner companions want to hear it? It seems kind of rude to launch in a project to psycholanalyze and reform someone at what is essentially a social event.
I know that you have only the best intentions, but you might do more harm than good, and make a nuisance of yourself in the process.
It’s sad that this is keeping you from going out with your friends. I don’t think you should let him drive you off. I’m sticking with my original advice. When he says something objectionable, tell him that you are offended and that you won’t tolerate that kind of talk. It might actually have a strong effect on his behavior and his thinking to hear that consistently from a peer. If the other guys in the table will chime in with, “Yeah, man, that’s not cool,” all the better.