OK…so the point of the rant is the epiphany that life’s tough for overweight drunks, but that a happy go lucky “Climb Every Mountain” attitude and a 12 pack will see you through to the next dawn?
[Sportscenter commercial]
– That’s a lot. How do you keep track of something like that?
– We’ve got a guy.
[/Sportscenter commercial]
I’ll probably get flamed, but I actually agree with a lot of what wolfman said. When someone says “I can’t meet a man” or “I can’t meet a women”, what they REALLY mean is “I can’t meet a man/woman who meets my standards”. And the thing is, physical attractiveness is probably the FIRST thing that gets considered. In most cases, you size someone up before they even start talking.
When a person says they want someone who is funny and smart, meeting their minimum standards for physical attractiveness goes without saying, even if they deny it.
P.S. I WOULD, however, like to distance myself from the thread title.
Hmm, less of a hangover than I expected today. Anyway I kinda of expected everybody to focus on the bar thing, but that’s just they easiest place to meet people.
I have met and been rejected by women in many situations. I am going to night time grad school, and no dice. I also love hanging around with amatuer film makers at the local film schools and working on projects, but that crowd is mostly all guys(one of the main reasons I wanted a date is for someone to go see Metropolis with, cause I have been waiting a long time for it to make it to Denver). Same with computer stuff, and role playing, all guys. Camping and skiing are my favorite pastimes, but no chance to meet anybody unless you can really impress somebody on a 3 minute chair ride, which is well beyond my abilities. Finding people to talk to is no problem, I think I know half the people in Denver by now, It’s just getting a date that’s the problem.
Not to fixate on minutiae or anything, but I’d just like to refute this assertion that you can’t meet someone on the the chair lift. I love skiing, and it’s great when the guy you happen to be riding the lift with just strikes up a conversation. Just say something, anything, to the person you’re sharing space with. Notice aloud a talented skiier below you, or an especially picturesque snowy mountain scene off to one side. Hell, start by asking her name. Common courtesy would at least oblige her to return the favor and learn yours. Ask how long she’s been skiing, etc. If you seem to especially hit it off, you can Just Happen to choose the same slope on the way down, then perhaps offer to treat her to a hot chocolate in the lodge. And obviously this scenario would work with any of the other excellent suggestions already mentioned. But, see where I’m going with this? Don’t leap into the whole “Wanna go onna date with me?” scenario right away, sorta ease into it. Maybe you’ll decide she isn’t really your type after all, but at least you’ll have made a friend.
Not all guys in computer stuff, and as a computer-geek type chick, one of my biggest peeves is when the men I know who are into computers will look at me and say something like ‘Why aren’t there any girls who are into computer guys?’
The last time a guy said that to me, I had to ask him ‘Do I look like an elf to you or something?’
And he didn’t get it.
Apparently some computer guys out there tend to not notice that one of their computer buddies is female.
Congradulations. 1000! my, thats a big number.
Enjoy your beer.
Sure. And that goes both ways. How many of the guys who can’t get a date have ridiculous physical attractiveness standards for the women they consider? With a lot of the guys I’ve met who complain that they’re always getting shot down, the trouble isn’t finding a woman to date, but a supermodel-looking woman to date.
Yep. Which is why I included both genders in my post.
Once again people seem to be missing the point of my rant. I have absolutely no problem talking to anybody. I am the captain of bullshit and inane conversation. I talk to pretty much anybody who is on the lift with me, or in a bar with me, or sharing a smoke break with anybody. As a estimate I probably meet 10 people every day, meeting defined as more than a two minute conversation. I love meeting people, and hearing their story, I have talked to a 4 fingered guy who once played with Duke Ellington, I have talked to the son of a Navaho Windtalker who blew out his brains with a gun when he went home from the war, I have talked to a Professional football QB who was having a lot of personal problems, and was trying to get his career back on track(which he never did sadly) just to name a few.
Several people have made snide remarks about my love for dive bars, but I love them for the people you can meet and hear the story of. People can talk all day about way to meet people, and I have and contintue to use them all, not as an exercise in getting laid, but because I love to do it. Meeting people is my specialty, the focus of my rant was that I simply have no way of making an girl consider me as a serious romantic or temporary carnal interest, which is something I will resent until the day I die. Make friends? Not a problem, I have more friends of any definition then I can remember, and I always make more every day.
My original OP was just meant to get some shit off my chest, not start a long term pity party.
Depending on my weight I can go from a large and scary tub of lard to hard bodied stud man in appearance. Saying you have no way is accomplish making yourself more attractive is absurd. Eat less, drink less, smoke less and exercise. Easier said than done, (trust me I know) but like it or not those are the rules. Your comfort level with the collection of habits and behaviors that determine your lifestyle and ultimately your physical appearance is what this issue spins around. You are an intelligent man and have determined that bad habits and dive bars are where you are most comfortable.
You’re right in that many (not all) women do have a huge line of annoying BS about personality mattering more than looks unless the man is relatively wealthy or powerful. It may be distressing that women don’t choose to hook up with the guy you described in your OP, but this (for perfectly logical evolutionary reasons) is the way most women are wired. For better or worse a person’s appearance does make a statement about them and a reasonably fit and healthy man with a good line of BS and only a so-so face can still get all the quality female action he can handle.
This isn’t a lecture it’s just a reality check. If you want someone to be attracted to you and love you need to put away the beer bottle, the cigarettes and join Weight Watchers (Chick HQ) or establish some kind of establish some kind of exercise program.
You sound like an engaging, affable and interesting person and would probably make some woman a great and caring SO, but until you have some degree of respect for your body and your health it’s unlikely someone else will. Your situation is not a punishment from the Gods written in stone, it’s entirely in your hands to continue with or change.
Listen to astro. (I had to check to see if it was a Manda JO post I was reading, it was so sensible.) If you truly believe it’s your looks that are causing women to avoid you, those are things that are changable.
Well, Humble Servant, allow me to introduce you to Paul Bernardo, Countess Elizabeth Báthory, and H. H. Holmes. All respected members of polite society… for a while, anyway. And none of them used axes, AFAIK.
Let me second the nomination for Weight Watchers. Not just to lose some weight–about 95% of the attendees are women.
If you pick the right meeting to attend, you’ll find that there are lots of single young women there, many of them very attractive. It’s not all middle-aged married women who are seriously, morbidly obese.
The best part is, a lot of those women don’t get dates very often and would probably like to be asked out.
So, who do ya think is more my type? Paul or Henry? What do they do for a living? Are they involved with anyone else?
Since you’re making the intro, I get to hit you with questions like these. An introduction of course is nonetheless superficial–no one can guarantee another’s perpetual good behavior.
BTW, I’m pleased to meet you, Alphagene (you need no introduction). Come here often?
That is a large portion of the reason I chose to whine here(as in on these boards). The sanctimonius load of bullshit around these boards gets on my nerves. Nothing personal about your post but the “(not all)” was what triggered it. I am putting forth a personal opinion that it was because you were on these boards that you decided to include those words is your submission. I may be wrong, but am makiing an assumption that you would not have chosen to include those words words if you were talking informaly to your friends, because it is assumed to a great extend by any sane person who has the intelligence to be vocal. But because of the sanctimonius attitude around these boards you included it to stave off the fires.
The attitude I’m talking about is the “everybody is above average”(to paraphrase Garrison Keeilor) attitude that seems to overwhelm thise message board. The world is full of superficial people, that is a simple fact. Yet, when anybody around here posts something about how they were pissed off by someone being superficial(I can’t figure out how you really spell that word and I don’t want to lose my train of thought by looking it up, so sue me) everybody pretends to collapse onto a chair, faint with shock that such a non-enlightened thought exists in the world. Anybody who doesn’t realize that looks and money rule this planet is either incredibly stupid, or intentionaly dishonest. Playbody and Hustler have sold billions of dollars of magizines mostly promoting big titted blondes, and yet when anyone mentions a big titted blonde every guy races to say that they find that type of women utterly repulsive , and if a guy has the nerve to say that they like women like like that there are about 100 counter-replies to say they that is the farthest from that attraction. For a board that claims to be fighting ignorance, everybody wants it to be a place in which shalowness of character beyond the reality of what human perception is. But it is an extreme perversion of mathematics to believe that this happens to be a board that has that many people with such a depth of character, when that is not evident in the population of humanity.
Whether or not it's a part of human nature derived from evolution, or planted by the media, looks and human nature are extremely important in being a human being in the world. The reasons are not important, It simply is a fact, and pretending that you cannot possibly understand that an person would be so bizarre as to to be superficial is a load of bullshit. This is an inteeligent board, but the phrase about the Ivory Tower intellectual unable to admit the truth, because they wish to deny they have human frailties exactlly applies to this board.
The world is shallow and no matter how many people respond to this post to claim they are not doesn’t change that fact. I have no aspirations of changing the shallow nature of humanity, but I just get pissed off by the number of “intellectual” people trying to claim it doesn’t exist by pretending they are different.
Hey Wolfman… I’m in the area - if you want someone to go see Metropolis with and grab a beer, feel free to email me.
And as a big titted blonde, I find that very insulting.
thx
So what? Even if every person posing on this board is an uber poser (they’re not BTW) that observation still does nothing to mitigate the fact that you need to have some degree of respect for your body and your health if you expect to get hooked up with reasonable quality female companionship IRL.
If the lure of pontificating nightly on your barstool while sucking on a Yingling and smoking a pack of butts is stronger than your desire for the companionship of a real women that is a choice you make every night and it’s one you can change if you so choose.