“Today is a disastrous day. If you can’t beat 'em, join 'em.”
Yes, this is the fortune my poor husband just received. Mine wasn’t much better: “Stepping away from the power position for one day.”
But honestly, opening a fortune to tell you that “today is a disastrous day,” surely must spell doom for you. If a bolt of lightening strikes our house tonight, at least we can say we were warned.
Have you had worse?
Yea, I’ve had worse.
There was a day when my dad told me he never wanted to see me again. I was feeling pretty bad; I was holding back tears as I was eating dinner alone in a chinese restaurant.
The fortune cookie said, “You will grow up to be just like your father”.
Ouch, that is worse. You win.
“That wasn’t chicken.”
Ouch. 
Could still have been worse though. That damn Harry Chapin song could have come on the radio too.
I got: “It is good to subject yourself to the will of the collective”
I’m not sure if it a quote from the little red book or the work of a bored poli sci student typing fortunes.
I keep it in my wallet in case I begin to stray from the one true path.
Once I got a cookie with no fortune. What does that mean??
“Never smell the inside of a hat”
Not bad, just meh. I keep it in my wallet
All of these, OP included (but especially Can Handle the Truth’s), work well with the “in bed” game.
It means that They can’t make up Their minds. Or possibly that your luck has run out.
Either way, I’d be a bit concerned.
My wife and I got an interesting one last spring. We were driving Route 66 and got this with dinner.
Which was interesting, since we were thinking the same thing about our trip.
There’s always this fortune. It’s true, too!
Joe
But I thought I was eating beef! :eek:
Help! I’m trapped in a chinese fortune cookie factory!
The other day, my fiancée got a fortune cookie with no fortune. She asked for another cookie, only to find that the second one also had no fortune!
I told her that she shouldn’t bother playing the lottery any time soon 
My friend once got a fortune that said “You will buy clothes.” Not really bad, but Ye Olde Fortune Maker must have been really bored that day.
Also, one time my friend and I got the same fortune. I don’t remember what it was, but we pinned both of them up outside his dorm room.
With some reworking, you could post this over in the Morbid Jokes thread.
Also, one of the stranger user name/post content combos
joking aside, much heartfelt sincerity for you and your dad situation
I was just going to post this one! Gah!
The best one that worked for the “in bed” one was “With constant Grinding, even an Iron Rod can become a Needle”
“You will be aroused by a shampoo commercial”
Joe
“Yeah, it’s cancer.”
