I can’t believe it took until Dave X to nominate Cabin Boy. This movie sucked worse than anything a black-market vacuum company could produce. It was so bad that my dad made me pay him back for the rental fees - a grand total of $.50.
shudder
Sheer morbid curiousity is calling my name. Think you could send me a copy? This seems too bad to be true. Seriously. You think I’m joking?
E-mail me.
I liked ‘Dead Man’.
Worst movie I have ever seen is probably ‘Crossworlds’, a DTV sci-fi (NOT SF) flick with Rutger Hauer in it. It’s hard to explain why I hate this film so much, a description of the plot sounds stupid but not painful, which the film itself is.
1989’s Law of Gravity.
It’s basically a bank robery movie with all the bad line you could ever ask for. In the end they rob the bank then are hunted down by the cops and shot dead.
Let’s see, it’s so hard (unfortunately) to narrow the list to one single movie, more awful, more pointless, more inept in every department (writing, acting, directing)…
some contestants:
The Avengers
Congo
Sphere
Batman & Robin
Basic Instinct
Friday the 13th, Part anything
But then again, “Satan’s Cheerleaders” (yes, there is an actual movie with that name!)just rushes out of the back of my mind as the worst, most useless waste of time & energy ever commited to film.
Halloween 3:
A wretched piece of cinematic crap, supposedly an insert in the infamous Halloween series (i.e. Michael Meyers, Jamie Lee Curtis). How can this be much different than the rest of the series, you ask? Well…Perhaps that was the question running through the writer’s minds as well because the movie has absolutely NOTHING to do with the slasher masked brother of Jamie Lee. Niether of the two appear or are even referenced to in the film. It’s completely random -It’s about (from what I rememeber) all these kids buying these masks before Halloween to watch some TV show broadcast all over America on Halloween night. When the big show comes on, the masks like, eat people’s faces off and stuff. It’s the most unexplainable movie I’ve ever seen. (I think I’ve mentioned this movie before somewhere, but I felt it was worth reiterating)
The Bogus Witch Project:
A compilation of various spoofs on the Blair Witch. It’s not even a real movie. (Pauly Shore was the only known actor in it…and I use the term “actor” loosely :rolleyes: )I’m embarassed we rented it but in my defense, there was substantial alcohol consumption prior to the selection.
It was just mentioned in another thread, so I can’t figure why it hasn’t been mentioned here…
River’s Edge
I rented it because it was made by someone from my high school. Being a film major myself, I thought it’d be useful to see what my hometown has produced.
Oh my God! The story is about a high school boy that for some reason (I think was mostly along the lines of “I felt like it”) kills his girlfriend and leaves her body by the river. Like the ittellegent lad that he is, he shows to blue naked corpse (yep, we get to see it, several times) to all of his high school buddies. The dramatic tention is wether or not they should tell the police that one of their friends is a psychotic murderer (see, it’s a really hard question, isn’t it?)
Somewhere along the lines are a strange evil guy named “Feck” and a very early Keaunu Reeves stiffly spouting lines like “I thought you were my friend, man”.
Ack! Make it go away!
My friend has it, but he wont give me a copy. Its a competition thing. I will keep trying to get a copy from him.
Heres the IMDB entry.
Worst movie I’ve ever seen: Blues Brothers 2000 (oddly enough, made in 1998).
I’ve never walked out on a movie yet, but this one pushed that to the limit. Only stayed because I couldn’t talk my friends into leaving as well.
Yikes, was that bad - at least Showgirls has some redeeming value. (that would be ‘lots and lots of nudity’)
Anyway, there’s my vote…
Another candidate:
Star Crystal – another “Alien” rip-off with a Monster Loose on the Starship. There have been plenty of those, but there’s one thing that singles this one out for special mention – the unique method they use to subdue the rubberoid creature. They convert it to Christianity. True. This must be seen to be believed.
Anybody ever seen “Zardoz?” Post-Bond Sean Connery and Charlotte Rampling (which should have been the tip-off right there). 1970s low-budget, post-Apocalyptic, over-acted, under-written and under-produced. I cannot even begin to explain what this movie was about, but it did involve a bizarre, flying stone head. I have no idea what possessed Sir Sean to say “Sure, I’ll film this!”
As for BW2, Mr. Cranky had to make up a whole new classification of bad-ness to review it!
Some great contenders
“Dark Star” – story of three guys in a space ship going around blowing up galaxies, the beach ball with swim fins for creature effects was beautiful
“R.O.T.O.R.” – robotic police officer run amuck
“Eliminators” – fighter polit crashes and is turned into a “mandroid” by an evil scientist bent on world domination
“Night of the Demons” – teen scream horror movie
and now for the sad confession, I own copies of all but “Dark Star”…
The other night I could not sleep-so I turned on the boob tube (the IFC channel), and what did I see but that hopeless stinker “MY PRIVATE IDAHO”. What a piece of pretentious garbage-no discernable plot of any kind, stupid acting (including Keanu Reeves and the late River Phoenix). I hate to speak ill of the dead, but Mr. Phoenix’s early demise has spared us a lot of terrible acting!
Bobo:
Regarding Dark Star – I agree it’s bad, but it’s occasionally funny. It started out as a student film by John Carpenter (who went on to direct Halloween, the Thing, and lots of other flicks) and Dan O’Bannon (who did special effects for Star Wars, directed Return of the Living Dead, and wrote LOTS of screenplays. He also played Pinback, the guy who chased the “beachball”.). The “beachball” scenes weren’t in the original student film – they were added to pad out the film to get it up to feature length. I find its plot interesting, because “Creature Loose on a Starship” is exactly the plot of “Alien” – which O’Bannon was one of the originating screenwriters of. You can look at “Dark Star” as the flip side of “Alien”, played for laughs.
I have to disagree with Dark Star as one of the worst films and - at least partially - agree with CalMeacham about it. Dark Star was never supposed to be a serious film, nor was it filmed on a massive budget. As Cal stated, it was a student film (UCLA, maybe). Dark Star is one of those movies that might be best appreciated (by those who aren’t Carpenterphiles) while drunk or stoned! It has loopy dialog and some very funny scenes.
Compare it with Plan 9, which was filmed in all seriousness, or many of the films mentioned in this thread. No, Dark Star’s not a bad film, because it never pretends to be more than what it is, in my opinion.
Hey, I liked Dagger of Kamui. Well, except for the Mark Twain(!) cameo. And Blue Velvet, come to think of it.
Hmm. As for movies I’ve actually seen “raw”, Knock Off (in which Van Damme attempts to be Jacky Chan, and fails) and The Blair Witch Project(This is supposed to be scary? Three people looking at trees and trying, unsuccessfully, to look scared when confronted with sticks and rocks) The latter was in an of itself worthy of a “worst ever” vote, but the sheer level of deception and hype engaged in by the makers gives them another vote. (“We really had them walk around in the woods and starve.” “Well, actually, we didn’t” “A copy was stolen and distributed online!” “Well, actually, we leaked that ourselves.” etc,etc.) And a third for “I threw the map in the river.” Yeah, THAT was well crafted . . .
Much as I wish I could, I dont’ think I can justify adding The Matrix. I CAN be justified in adding the Fifth Element, though. How the hell can you make a live action Heavy Metal-esque movie boring?
I don’t think it ever showed in theaters, but M.D. Gist should be on the list somewhere. I can’t believe this was actually considered a classic by some people. The worst piece of animation Japan ever produced. And that includes the hentai.
Tank Girl probably gets a vote, too.
I’ve seen some utterly terrible Indian movies, but most of them had enough energy and color to at least be interesting.
As for MST3K movies, probably (in no particular order) Manos,(ibid) Red Zone Cuba, (What the hell was this movie about?) Future War, (Is it REALLY a good idea to combine Catholicism, dinosaurs, Robert Z’Dar, and kickboxing?) Horror at Party Beach, (Sodium!) Boggy Creek 2 (Which had a guy using a broccoli rubber band as a headband), Final Sacrifice (If one can measure these things, the worst thing to ever come out of Canada) or The Creeping Terror. (Which combined the cheesiest monster ever with the most loquacious narrator since Speed Racer)
Invasion of the Neptune Men, Horrors of Spider Island, Girl in Gold Boots, and Space Mutiny come in close behind. Hobgoblins was technically worse, but it knew it was terrible, and enjoyed itself.
Space Mutiny and Final Sacrifice, incidentally, was two of the best episodes ever. Had that perfect mix of pretension, cheapness, and plain stupidity that is just SO much fun to deflate.
–
“This movie isn’t healthy for children and other living things.”
Fire Walk With Me was dreadful.
A friend of mine had the entire Twin Peaks series on Video, and after I watched all of those, I was pretty excited to see this movie. It stank. It made little sense, characters were introduced, and then disappear, and it failed to hold my interest. I only watched the entire thing just because I felt I should since I had watched the entire series. Frankly, I was a little relieved when Laura Palmer was finally killed.
Oh! I forgot one! Hideous Kinky, starring Kate Winslet in her follow-up to Titanic. Bad, bad, bad. I made my poor husband watch it with me. I’m no longer allowed to pick out our evening videos.
Gladiator.
Runner up: Clash of the Titans
I havent seen many of the movies already posted, but Mission Impossible 2 is the stupidest movie I have seen recently.