Sassy,
It may interest you to know that “Muskrat Love” wasn’t even written by Captain and Tennile- it was originally done by “America”
It’s truely awful. Also, Rupert Holmes does “The Pina Colada Song” (aka:Escape), which is one of my favorites…
Run for the hills, folks! Or you’ll be up to your armpits in martians!
Achy Breaky Fart. (I mean heart)Puke Puke Puke
My Boyfriends Back Goin a Soil My Reputation.
Like A Virgina (Virgin)
Macaron (Macarana. Kill me, don’t show me how it goes.)
Sky Rockets In Flight Afternoon Delight.
Hi all…
Usually I’m just a lurker here, but I had to post this link, as I was trying to find links to 70’s music last week and stumbled across it. I think it fits here.
http://www.wwsamuellreunion.com/tinaindx.htm
PunditLisa: “Wildfire” was by Michael Martin Murphy.
How do I know this, you ask? Let me tell you a story. My husband is a musician. A blues guitar player, in a blues band, that plays real blues music. One night, a gentleman approached the band, and said “Hey, you guys are a blues band, right?” Someone in the band answered to the affirmative, and the gentleman then requested Michael Martin Murphy. When they all said “Huh?” He said, “You know, ‘Wildfire.’” The band knew who MMM was…they just couldn’t believe that this gentleman thought “Wildfire” was a blues tune.
And that is why I remember who sings “Wildfire.”
Okay. This is war. The laffs do NOT compensate for a day spent compulsively humming all these songs I had somehow forgotten.
Sooo… you want bad? You want brain velcro that clings and annoys? You got it, bunky…(pl. bunkies? whatever)…
If you really want musically useless and annoying? I humbly submit…
MID-night at the OOOH-ay-sis, Send your camel to beeeed…
Some peeple call me the space cowboy, some peeple call me the pompatus (sic) of love (thumpetythumpetythumpclash) LOVEY DOVEY LOVEY DOVEY .(incohensible rambling…)
YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE, YOU CARRY ON…
All are sung with the tonal quality, volume and musical expertise of a tomcat with his most treasured reproductive organs caught under the working parts of a rocking chair.
So there.
Zette! Rollerskate - key – you took my song!
You Light Up My Life – (you guys clean up your own puke, okay?)
Whitney Houston – I Will Always Love You.
What is it about Whitney Houston and Reba McEntire? Talk about overactive jawbones.
Why sing one syllable when twelve will do?
I, yi yi, yi yi, will alwaaaaays love you, ou, ou, ou, ou, ou –
And Blinded by the Light – “douching in the rumor of the night”? What is that? French?
Dave Barry has a book on this stuff.Some reviews(B& N):
Dave Barry’s Book of Bad Songs
In-Stock: Ships within 24 hours.
Dave Barry / Hardcover / Date Published: August 1997
Retail Price: $12.95
From The Publisher:
When funnyman Dave Barry asked readers about their least favorite tunes, he thought he was penning just another installment of his weekly syndicated humor column. But the witty writer was flabbergasted by the response. “I have never written a column that got a bigger response than the one announcing the Bad Song Survey,” Barry wrote. “More than ten thousand readers voted, and the cards are still coming in.” Based on the results from Dave Barry’s monumental survey, Dave Barry’s Book of Bad Songs is a compilation of some of the worst songs ever written, including such special categories as Teen Death Songs, Songs That People Always Get Wrong, Songs Women Hate, and, of course, Weenie Music. In Dave’s survey, honors for Worst Overall and Worst Lyrics went to “MacArthur Park” as sung by Richard Harris in the seventies. As Barry notes, “It’s hard to argue with this selection. My son, Rob, was going through a pile of ballots, and he asked me how “MacArthur Park” goes, so I sang it, giving it my best shot, and Rob laughed so hard that when I got to the part about leaving the cake out in the rain, and it took so long to bake it, and I’ll never have that recipe again, Rob was on the floor.”
From Cahners\Publishers_Weekly - Publishers Weekly:
In 1992, Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist Barry wrote a column about the tendency of bad song lyrics to stick in our heads. Reader response was enormous and led to a series of columns, a poll and this winning volume. Ultimately, Barry narrowed the field to pop songs written from 1960 to 1990, thus shutting out “Mairzy Doats” and Wagner. The largest number of votes went to “MacArthur Park,” the 1968 hit written by Jimmy Webb, with its mangled metaphors, followed by “Yummy, Yummy, Yummy (I Got Love in My Tummy)” by the Ohio Express and “(You’re) Having My Baby” by Paul Anka. Also quoted are lines from Neil Diamond’s “I Am, I Said”: “I am, I said/ To no one there/ And no one heard at all/ Not even the chair.” Barry then goes on to treat five sub-genres: weenie music, love songs women really hate, teen death songs and songs people get wrong, citing his own mis-hearing of the opening lines of “Help Me Rhonda” by the Beach Boys, as “Well, since she put me down/ There’s been owls pukin’ in my bed.” Who can resist such a book?
From Steven I. Ramm - AudioFile:
Feelings. MacArthur Park. Any record by Gary Puckett. These are just a few of the titles submitted by over ten thousand readers who responded to columnist Dave Barry’s Bad Song Survey. Barry lists the results and discusses the songs in this hilarious audio DAVE BARRY’S BOOK OF BAD SONGS. Mike Dodge uses his experience in doing commercials to give just the right touch of sarcasm to the reading. For weeks after listening to this book you’ll be trying to forget gems like Little Green Apples and that all-time favorite Watching Scotty Grow. This is one book that is even more fun when listened to by a group. S.I.R. ©AudioFile, Portland, Maine
(B&N can’t complain about copyright, it’s a plug for the book, right?)
I can’t believe no one has mentioned “Spill the Wine,” which was a huge hit when I was in junior high. I hate it, yet I know every word, every beat, breath and pause in it.
I think people have actually died from Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir.” I don’t care what it says on the record label, that song is at least twenty minutes long.
Catrandom
At least in the same category are some Cream live tracks, like Politician and any on Wheels on Fire that really let Ginger Baker loose.
I LOVE that song! :::stern look::::
>^,^<
“Cluemobile? You’ve got a pickup…”
OpalCat’s site: http://opalcat.com
The Teeming Millions Homepage: fathom.org/teemingmillions
Oh gawd! How could I forget “Copa Cabana”?
Also, for those who actually had the misfortune of owning Terry Jacks’ “Season in the Sun”, there is a song on the reverse side of the single called (and I’m not making this up) “Put the Bone In.” No, no, Madonna didn’t write it. It was about a woman whose dog was starving and she was begging the butcher for a bone. Made you want to hurl yourself off the roof.
That damn “Genie in a Bottle” song is really moving up my list. “If you want to be with me, baby there’s a price to pay. . .” There sure is, honey–a jail term. What are you, 17? Like the man said, the difference between 17 and 18 is twenty years.
I’d also like to nominate “Eleanor” by the worst lyricists in the history of rock and roll, the Turtles. (Think about “Happy Together” for a minute–the lyrics are really awkward.)
Dr. J
Someone back there mentioned Cherry Pie by Warrant. I’m pleased to say I’ve never really heard the song, but I have an interesting aside–I used to hang out at that band’s house all the time.
This was about 2-3 years ago, long after their success. I was friends with one of their (non-member) roomies, and used to come over for various social occasions all the time. I didn’t know the band members all that well; I hung out with their roomie, not them. (BTW, there were just 2 Warrant boys living there at the time–I don’t remember their names; I think one might’ve been Eric.) There were gold records all along the dining room wall, by their pool table. As I had never heard their music, I thought little of it. There was also some really bad paintings decorating the house–turns out Eric (I think it was him) does that now. Hmm. Don’t know what was worse.
They were nice guys, though. One of them married a Baywatch extra (skinny little silicone-enhanced thing), and they have a decent house in a nice suburban area. I’ve since seen them on VH-1’s “Where Are They Now;” it was funny hearing Eric talk about how he once couldn’t get the paper without getting laid. The show later had shots of their house and wedding pictures, and it was trippy.
The blond guy (whatever his name is) does computer programming now. So, I’m afraid there’ll be no reunion tour. I know, you’re all devastated. There, there. Let me pass the kleenex.
“Me fail English? That’s unpossible!”
“English? Who needs that? I’m never going to England.”
I usually get the joke when country singers do humor. I actually like the Blue despair, agony and pain …song on Hee Haw, even though I can’t stand the rest of the show. One song I really can’t stand is “I’m a Nut” by Leroy Pullins. Some Roger Miller songs border on the annoying. But there are dozens of totally annoying country tunes, I just can’t name them. Most of them are recent.
Oh, and that Achy Braky song: Weird Al has a version. He would rather hear a Yoko Yono song marathon, listen to fingers scraping on a blackboard, or get a pitchfork in his head, rather than have to listen to that song. Al’s version made the country charts.
LauraRae…Are you really telling me Warrent is RETIRED? Shit, next you’ll say Flock of Seagulls is gone forever too < sniff, sniff >
sunbear…I like Wierd Al’s Acky Breaky Song. I also like his song Jurassic Park, which parodies MacArther Park.
I wondering; why hasn’t anybody mentioned the Spice Girls?
I don’t know who sang that country song Tear In My Beer, but my guess is it was Lucifer.
Did I mention that Celene Dion is a living pustule? She needs to be beaten like a rented mule. I really think Canada is slacking on this issue. She’s THEIR problem, after all.
I got a couple of songs that are really bad, but I like anyway: Flash Gorden, by Queen (One of the times the soundtrack WASN’T better than the movie) and Mr Roboto by Styx.
Come on…you know the words…
“You’re wondering who I am
Machine or mannequin
With parts made in Japan
I am the modern man!”
You’re welcome.
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
What is the critera here? Is it bad songs or bad versions of songs? In the latter catagory it would be a tossup between 3 songs :I Walk The Line by Leonard Nimoy; Downtown by Mrs. Miller and Yawa Em Ekat Ot Gnimoc Er’yeht by Napolean XVI. In the former I would say Feelings and McArthur Park…
Hotel California. I just … really … frigging … HAAAAAAAATE that song.
Worst song of the 90s: that Flaming Lips song She Uses Vaseline or whatever it’s called … I would rather be stuck in an elevator with Adam and Loverock than listen to that again.
What If God Was One Of Us is pretty unbearable as well.
I agree about “Feelings” though I must say I enjoyed (Carol Burnett) Eunice’s version on the Gong Show.
I nominate the “Janey O” song (it may be “Jenny O”- sorry- I don’t know the name). The one that goes “Janey O ooo ooo ooo, she’s an intellectual, Janey O Janey O.” So glad they stopped playing it on the radio.
I never heard “Watching Scotty Grow” but the Dead Milkmen had a song called “Watching Scotty Die” about a guy whose dog dies from chemical exposure. I’m assuming that this was a takeoff of the Bobby G. song.