I remember when “Islands in the Stream” came out, and the country station I listened to played it 20 times a day. I never could stand this piece of crap. It’s awful.
Mojo, sounds like the song you’re thinking of is “New Age Girl,” by a band whose name escapes me. The verses were along the lines of:
“I got a New Age Girl (Tell us what she’s like)
Environmentalist girl (Does she ride a bike?) . . .”
And the choruses were:
“Mary Moo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oon, she’s a vegetarian
Who will outlive all the septuagenerians;
Well she loves me so, she hates to be alone,
don’t eat meat but she sure likes the bone.”
Pretty dumb song…
pldennison: It’s by Dead Eye Dick, and the song sucks!
I can’t believe no one has mentioned “My Sharona”!! That’s definitely one of the worst.
Dr. P. “You can’t fake the funk.”
Went to the mall today, and picked up a copy of Dave Barry’s Book of Bad Songs. This is a great book, but now the music in my head is going on like the Jukebox From Hell.
I nominate “Sugar Shack,” and anything by Alanys Morrisette (or however you spell your name.)
Pldennison-
yep, that’s the song I was thinking about. (shudder)
Anything by Hank Williams, Sr.----especially when he gets to “Yore cheetin’ HAAAAWWRRRTTTT!”, sounds like somebody just bore down on one of his testicles with a pair of vice grips.
Anything by Merle Haggard, Willie Nelson, or Randy Travis; all of them need extensive nasal surgery.
“My Boyfriend’s Back”, by the Angels. Monotonous repetition; department of redundancy department. Ditto for “Ain’t That a Shame” by Fats Domino. Just shoot me, please.
“Paint It Black” by the Stones----it can be a beautiful day, and one chorus of this damn thing makes you want to cut your throat.
“Love On the Rocks”, or whatever the hell the title is, by Neil Diamond. Gag me with a manure shovel.
“House of the Rising Sun” by the Animals; it’s been the ruin of many a poor singer, and God, he sure was one.
“Honey” by Bobby Goldsboro. I can still remember my Dad’s lyrics to that one:
She wrecked the car and she was sad
Because she thought I would be mad,
But what the heck;
And so I threw her on the floor,
Hit her with a two-by-four,
And broke her worthless neck;
And Honey, I miss yooooouuuuu…!!!
“Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love To Town”, by Kenny Rogers. Jeez, if it’ll help you, I’ll go get the damn gun for you, okay? Also by K.R.: “You Picked a Fine Time To Leave Me, Loose-Heel”. Gag me.
“Wildfire”; after you’re done with Ruby, Kenny, shoot the freakin’ horse. Thanks.
“Crystal Blue Persuasion”—Tommy James and the Shondells. You can watch the entire miniseries of “Amerika” in the time it takes to get through this song.
“Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald”, by Gordon Lightfoot. I liked this when it first came out, but after the 27,369th time I heard it, I was ready to kill Gordon, his mother, his wife, and his dog.
“Shout”, by the Isley Brothers. Gives a new meaning to the term, “over and over”.
“Luchenbach, Texas”, by Wailing Jennings. Depression is not the word.
I could go on and on, because there’s a lot of crappy music out there. My advice? Get a tape deck----they’re absolutely indispensable.
I agree with ruadh that “She Don’t Use Jelly” was a pretty heinous song. It was also funny to watch the music rag writers fall all over themselves to describe how hip and alternative the Flaming Lips were. Uhh, alternative to what? Good taste?
One bad song I didn’t have to hear over and over again was a track off 2 Live Crew’s first album. This was the one before the one that everybody tried to ban. The song sounded like something I’d make up to leave on answering machine message to amuse my friends. It was just a drum machine set to a laughably simplistic pattern, and the lamest rhymes I’ve ever heard in a rap song, delivered apparently by some 12-year-old in his bedroom. “We don’t mean to brag or boast/ But we’re just the best rappers from coast to coast”.
Of course, 2 Live Crew did indirectly spawn 2 Live Jews, so maybe it’s not all bad.
Speaking of 2 Live Crew, that “Doo Wah Diddy” song is hideous by them and the original composers.
Also, although I’m sure everyone loves it, “Bye Bye Miss American Pie” makes me want to shoot myself in the face. It is my dream that the population will someday agree with me.
That song that goes, “Oooo, that smell…” is heinous.
Anything by three-cord-wonder Jimmy Buffet is ridiculous.
I feel I could go on and on, although most have been mentioned (Celine Dion, Mariah Carey - does America really think these women are good singers???).
I have to disagree with whomever suggested “House of the Rising Sun” was bad - that song is bitchin’ (to play and to sing).
There was a song by Porter Wagoner called “George Leroy Chickashea.”
It’s about a person who stayed in trouble with the law–he’s part white, part black, and part Indian.
He carries a pistol, a switchblade, and a tomahawk.
I can’t believe that you guys did not mention “Puberty Love” from Attack of the Killer Tomatos. I actually kind of liked it, but it was billed as the worst song of all time.
I couldn’t find the lyrics to it, but I did find a nifty link to a Soundgarden page where they have an audio link. http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Alley/4405/soundgar.htm
I hope everyone is in as much horror as I.
SC
“People’s Poet don’t die, we’ll kill ourselves if you do, but first we’ll take off all our clothes.” The Young Ones
Oh, man, I so want to defend some of these songs!! In fact, I will:
“My Sharona” has one of the best rock guitar solos ever recorded. Ever.
Hank Williams, Sr. was awesome. The man can do little wrong in my book. Willie Nelson, too (“On the Road Again” and “Crazy” are two superlative tunes.)
“My Boyfriend’s Back” should at least get credit for the couplet: “My boyfrien’s bac, he’s gonna save my reputation/If I were you, I’d take a permanent vacation.”
The entire “Transformed Man” album by William Shatner…“I lost track of the days to count them never occurred to me cutting myself adrift from the past and the future I became immersed in the flow of the living moment the eternal NOW. Then one day in the split of the moment a shudder within flashed open and a gust of light flooded my being I became like a pure crystal submerged in a translucent sea and I knew I had been awakened. I had touched the face of God!” - from the last track of Transformed Man
Re : “Kashmir”
If you get the chance, check out an instrumental version of this song done by a New York group called the Ordinaires. Absolutely stunning.
Saint Eutychus
www.disneyshorts.org
(sigh) Right. Ok, hang onto your hats.
The Night Chicago Died
Billy, Don’t Be A Hero
Alone Again, Naturally
Snowblind (by Styx)
Henry the eighth, I am
Halfbreed (Cher)
Take It Easy (Eagles)
anything by Chicago
Speaking of Chicago, if you go there you might want to steer clear of the south side. I undertand there’s a scalawag down there by the name of Leroy Brown. He’s bad, BAD I tell you! He is reputed to keep a 38 gun in his pocket, just for the fun of it. Also, they say he keeps a razor in his shoe, which is curious because it seems to me that anyone affluent enough to own both a custom Continental and an El Dorado too would be able to afford some sort of medicine cabinet in which to store his shaving articles. I’m not sure what he looks like, but I’ve been led to believe he’s a rather tall gentleman. Apparently he stands about 6 foot 4. The ladies are said to refer to him as “the treetop lover.”
Thanks for mention the Flaming Lips! I rate them about as highly as Ween, who had a song a few years back that I utterly loathed. I don’t know the name, but the main (maybe even only) line in the chorus was, “Push the little daisies and make them grow up,” or some such nonsense. Jeezum crow, that song sucked! But for a while there, the radio station had to play it two or three times a day. It’s one of those songs that made me heave a sigh of relief when I realized it was no longer in heavy rotation. “Get a Job,” by Offspring also falls into that catagory.
So does anything by Sublime. Unfortunately, they’re still in heavy rotation on the station I listen too. I guess it’s sad the lead singer OD’d, and I guess I should be happy that his band still found success–oh hell, I can’t do this. I hate their music. I hate that date rape song, I hate the song about screwing the 12 year old prostitute, I hate the santeria song, I hate all of the songs I’ve forgotten to name. Part of me does feel guilty about this, but I can’t help but be happy knowing he will never, ever write or sing another song.
< shudder > I HATE Sublime.
“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it,” Jack Handy
re: Billy, Don’t Be A Hero
Yeah, they should have re-named that one, “Billy, Don’t Be a Freakin’ Idiot”
Any of the teen death songs: Teen Angel, Billy Don’t be a freakin idiot, Leader of the pack, etc. all dreck.
Everything by Madonna!
Horse with No Name – how long does it take to slap a monniker on the stupid horse?
And definately MacArthur Park. Gag.
Lots of possibilities:
“Neanderthal Man” by Hotlegs – a song so bad that the GROUP changed its name afterwards.
“Shipoopi” from THE MUSIC MAN – superb score except for this dog of a tune (and I had to sing the damn thin on stage).
If you think “Macarthur Park” is bad, you should hear “Rosecrans Boulevard” by the same composer, with the immortal lyrics: “Then there was the time you drove that little car down Sunset Boulevard at 90 miles an hour in a 30 mile zone and blamed when you got that ticket.”
Someone mentioned Shatner, but Leonard Nimoy’s version of “Proud Mary” (also on the GOLDEN THROATS album) is even worse. In both cases, though, there’s nothing wrong with the song.
Kenny Rogers’s “Coward of the County” is one of the most stupid and offensive songs ever written (even country music fans detest it). “The Gambler” is merely stupid; it’s hard to figure out why anyone thought there was any philosophy involved.
I forgot about Coward of the County. A wimp’s girlfriend is gang-raped, but we’re supposed to be concerned about the wimp finding his manhood by punching one of the guys who did it.