Would this be a really creepy singles ad?

In My Humble Opinion
1

(Not all of them in the same ad, could be on match.com or something too, doesn’t have to hit all points.)

Looking for a woman who:

  1. Is not gay or is a confused bisexual. Been there, done that, sick and tired of women I’m with turning gay.
  2. Already has kids with the father out of the picture. Father must not be alive or in prison.
  3. Must be under 200 lbs. Cannot have either parent or any siblings over 200 lbs.
  4. Looking to date somebody who is deaf. From birth or accident is not a problem.
  5. Doesn’t mind being with a person who likes to watch Law and Order/CSI type crime dramas, is interested in law enforcement, and researches serial killers.
  6. Hates long walks on the beach, hiking, and all forms of long-distance exercise.
2

Your research is paying off handsomely. This ad sounds exactly like a serial killer personal profile.

3

But I totally left off the animal abuse, pyromania, and bedwetting!

4

1: Whut?
2: Whut?
3: Can see wanting possible love interest to be under 200 lbs but parents and siblings…whut?
4: Don’t get this one at all. Presumably the ad will clarify whether it’s because you are also deaf, or perhaps you have a fetish for deaf women…either is fine I guess as long as you’re upfront about it.
5: Acceptable.
6: Depends whether you present this as a shot across the bows against all the cliched ads, or whether you actually hate hiking, walks on the beach and exercise in general. Undetermined.

5

You have to leave some mystery for the second date.

6

Right off the bat I can tell you’re not really serious about this dating thing.

7

You know how old people say they had to walk to school in the snow, uphill both ways? Replace “snow” with “sand” or “mountains” and that’s what I grew up with. I’d like romantic walks in the snow actually.

8

1 isn’t creepy, it’s hilarious. And 6 is just kind of dull.

9

Sadly, I’m a closet lesbian magnet. My classmate in college hit on me for years and then went 100% gay. Then, I fell head over heels for her girlfriend.

Regarding #6, try walking 3-6 hours on a beach from 9 am to 3pm in the summer and tell me how romantic that is.

10

  1. Reasonable, but I have to wonder why this would seem to be a frequent problem. Most people are straight. Where does the ad placer usually look for dates?

  2. Reasonable.

  3. Reasonable but should be rephrased to “physically fit & active.” People fear they might someday get fat and their spouse will reject them, and this is rejecting them in advance. Jerkish.

  4. In the hopes they won’t nag? I’m certain deaf spouses can nag as well as anyone else. If it’s not about nagging, then creepy.

  5. Into serial killers? Really? Give up all the other reqs, 'cause that’s super-niche. Beggars can’t be choosers.

  6. Hates exercise but wants someone under 200 lbs? So anorexics? Lose the other reqs, also super-niche.

11

#5 is trying to avoid “Hey stop doing X in my house!” ultimatums. My friends have had ultimatums about a home bar, porn, eating salty foods, playing video games, and watching too much tv. She doesn’t have to watch them with me, but she has to let me do it. I should throw in all types of movies too, such as horror, martial arts, ultra violent, sci fi, comedy, foreign, etc. because those are part of my research. Oh, and during the NFL season, Sundays between 7am-8pm is me time.

Heh and I’m not a beggar, I just found out I’m in the top 5% of all men in the US by educational attainment. :smiley: If I get a 2nd masters, it will be like .5% Ph.D is like .2%.

If I get two masters and a Ph.D., I’ll be a “one in a million kind of guy.” :smiley:

12

I don’t get #4. The was you have it phrased, you are looking for a woman who is interested in a deaf man. Is that what you mean?

Overall, though, this makes you sound like a real catch. Does this mean you and poop bird/stone butt are no longer?

Also, you’re looking specifically for someone who has kids but the father of the kids is dead. Really?

In fact, let’s change my entire post to: really?

13

Ah you are correct. No, the opposite way, I’m looking to date a deaf woman. I have rabbit ears actually.

14

Just state your likes. Don’t make them ultimatums. If you’re good in the sack, they’ll compromise, as long as you compromise too. If I ever reenter the dating scene I’m making it clear I like sci-fi and spicy food (and I like to cook) and hate country music and rap. Don’t like it? Hit the road. But I’m not going to say “hit the road.” But make it clear what you like. There is someone out there for you.

15

I don’t agree with this line of thought. If I hate country music, that doesn’t give me the right to stop another person from listening to it in a reasonable manner (not blasting it 24 hours a day or having hoe-downs in the garage.)

I think it’s OK the way I stated it: Whether you hate crime dramas or not, don’t try to stop me from watching them.

Come to think of it, whether she likes it or not is irrelevant. She can love something yet try to stop me from doing it, e.g. eating onions makes MY breath stink yet she can eat all she wants.

16

So you’re going to throw out lots of ultimatums while banning any reciprocal ultimatums. Good luck with that.

17

Just vote “creepy? yes or no.”

18

Creepy to the point of parody. You’re issuing a list of bizarrely autistic demands {no fat chicks, hates exercise, likes serial killers} with not a word about what you have to offer.

19

I’d vote “reject this ad because he’s all about me, me, me, except he’s okay with me as long as it’s all about him, him, him and he doesn’t care about x, x and x, which I care about.”

You sound like someone who is bringing a laundry list of things you don’t like about your exes. Turn off.

20

Exactly.