Not necessarily. It might have been entirely possible, just not desired. Some people have a much lower level of sexual desire than others.
No.
There is no way that I’d be sexually compatible with someone who had not found a way to get themselves laid long long before the age of 40.
A lot of people have mentioned obstacles that might have stood in the way of them having sex until 40, but if the person’s sex drive is low enough that they hadn’t found a way to get past those obstacles, then their sex drive is way to low for me.
This is a great example of a mindset that wouldn’t work for me, whether the person is actually a virgin or not. I wouldn’t want to get involved with anybody who could say something like this. (sorry actualliberal)
Ha, I annoyed with what you said earlier, but you saved yourself. 
Female, 50, +1.
I will likely be an 40-year-old virgin.
If I were to wake up on my 40th birthday wth raging lust and a desire to be romantically involved, there’s no way I would put myself out on the market the next day. That’s a tragedy waiting to happen. I don’t believe myself to be “seriously messed up” (thankyouverymuch), but there’s no doubt that I would be quite awkward and off-putting. Not because there’s something wrong with me. Not because I’m a bad person. But because I simply don’t have practice. I wouldn’t want to burden someone with being my patient instructor, and I wouldn’t want to burden myself with the shame and embarrassment of not “measuring up” to the abilities of a typical 40-year-old.
So what I’d do is work with a sex therapist and surrogant partner. What this would at least do is remove the stigma of “virgin” from my psyche and equip me with the basics…so that MAYBE my short-comings would be seen as more endearing than annoying.
But I’d like to think that if I failed to connect with someone even after doing this, I would be compassionate enough not to beat myself up too much. I wouldn’t blame anyone for not wanting to be with me, but I’d hope I wouldn’t blame myself either. Sometimes shit just happens.
I don’t think that measuring up or having skills would prove to be an issue. If you found someone you wanted to be with and they felt the same way it could all fall into place with incredable ease. It might take some time to perfect it but no reason you would not have fun from the start.
I don’t consider myself “seriously messed up” either. Well, not for THAT reason. 
And I also think it’s because once you reach a certain age, (not sure which), then people start looking at you like you’re undateable, and then you’re well, screwed. (Or unscrewed, rather). It’s like, people won’t date you because you’re a virgin, but how do you lose your virginity if people won’t date you? Maybe you just had a lot of bad luck in life?
What I’m seeing here, is the new form of slut shaming: “virgin shaming”. “Seriously fucked up?” “Major issues”? “Hang ups”? Except for the comments about religion, I’ve seen the same damned things posted about people who’ve been extremely promiscuous. (Not necessarily here) If it’s not okay there, why is okay here? Seriously.
I’m not saying there aren’t people who don’t have sexual hang-ups, but to paint everyone with the same brush isn’t all that different from the whole, “what a fucking slut”.
:dubious:
Prostitutes can play a healthy role in a person’s life. 
Yes. It’s like how thin-shaming is ok, but fat-shaming is not.
But Monstro, from what I know of you, you’re on this trajectory because you have little or no desire for sex or a romantic relationship.
I don’t mean to say this means you’re broken. You’d only be broken if, despite the fact that you have no desire for sex or a romantic relationship, you nonetheless expected me to date you or have sex with you or have a romantic relationship with you. Even if you wanted that, for reasons unrelated to wanting a romantic relationship (like, you wanted children, you wanted someone to live with, or whatever), and you’ve now decided you’re willing to put up with having a boyfriend to get those other things, whatever they were.
I’d have to be crazy to accept those terms, unless I was also someone who didn’t care for sex or relationships. If we’re both content with a sexless passionless roommate-like relationship, then we’re great, maybe we’ll even have sex a couple times a year just to make sure everything works, or to conceive a child, or whatever. There actually are a lot more men who would be happy with this than people think.
Except that’s the exact opposite of what I want out of a partner. I’m 47 years old. I’ve only got a few more years left on this planet, and spending it with a woman I love like a sister would kill me.
You’re not broken. You’d only be broken if you expected a partner to ignore the fact that you would never really desire them romantically.
Exactly.
Could be someone you know through a friend, and you got the full story beforehand.
Eh, I’m a 23 year old (male) virgin, which, I know, is actually pretty damn ironic considering my post history.
I don’t really obsess over it or anything, though I admit that the older I get - though I’m not yet approaching the age of some of the posters ITT - the stranger it’s bound to seem to whichever woman ends up swiping the V-card. Not that I would admit that kind of thing up front, mind you; no, I might be a bit inexperienced in this regard, but I know well enough to keep the V-card shit to myself IRL.
Beyond that, however, it isn’t as if it’s truly hopeless for an older guy to lose his virginity past X, Y, or Z age. Seriously, there are options out there - escort services, houses of ill repute, and so on - which exist independently of finding a willing SO. I think that - for most guys, anyway - they feel as if they have to earn their first opportunity at sex, however they choose to define that. Whether that’s a reasonable perspective is probably debatable, but I nonetheless don’t think that it’s altogether farfetched, and it’s certainly the direction towards which I currently lean.
Like most people, virginity in and of itself wouldn’t be a dealbreaker. But whatever led to those circumstances likely would be. So, a guy who had a sudden revelation and left the priesthood? Maybe. But the guy who just stumbled through life without the gumption to get laid? Probably not.
The late-in-life virginity, in and of itself, isn’t the bad thing. It’s more like the symptom of the actual disease. The “disease” is the real deal breaker.
I voted no, mainly because at this point in my life I don’t want to be teaching anyone in bed. Details about what turns me on is fine of course, as long as he has some idea of how women work. I was with a virgin in my 20s and it was ok then, but I have no desire to be teaching the basics now.
I dated a 29-year-old virgin and am engaged to him now. But 40 is pushing it too high. I can’t think of a reason to still be a virgin at 40 other than crippling, untreated social anxiety or religious reasons (or I guess low sex drive? maybe?). All are dealbreakers for me.
Great movie, though.
If not for a couple of breaks, I would have been thirty without ever having shot between wind and water at the time I met my wife. And it isn’t so much a lack of gumption as an extreme lack of social skills. Fortunately, the year before we met I was in a relationship where I never bounced the Brillo but did learn not to get too excited about actually having a girlfriend too soon. It scared her away, but provided some valuable perspective that helped me not scare my future wife away. That, and the fact that I turned out to be really good in the sack once I got enough practice.
Still, I have the feeling that if it had gone on much longer it might have been too late for me, and I’d have gone through life using less than a box of prophylactics.
It’s not just the lack of gumption or even the atrophied social skills it suggests, it’s that if somebody hasn’t been laid by that age they haven’t been in a serious relationship, and if they haven’t been in a serious relationship, they don’t how to be in a serious relationship, they don’t know how to share and compromise and cooperate and conflict and disagree and still work together as part of an equal partnership. That’s an awful lot of serious grownup stuff they don’t know, and I have absolutely no desire to teach them.
That was a big challenge with us. My wife had two long term relationships, I had none. It took a lot of work, and probably still pops up now and then after 18 years. The sex part really wasn’t a problem, because I was eager to learn and eager to please.
Honestly, I suspect that sex would be the least of the problems I’d face.