In the thread about women dating short guys, someone suggested we start a BBW thread, so I did. Would you date a BBW?
Personally, I wouldn’t. I have in the past, based on a few misconceptions I had about people. See, I was raised to believe to not judge people based on appearances. A person that looks ‘unattractive’ might be a really amazing person deep down. So when I saw a woman that was fat, I assumed she must be really great to be around- she wouldn’t be able to take advantage of all the ways a conventionally attractive woman might get a ‘pass’ in different situations, so she would have to focus much more on being actively great instead of just passively attractive. I assumed she would have to work harder in life to be taken as seriously/accepted, which would imply being more outgoing and driven.
In hindsight, I don’t believe this to be true. Plenty of people are just as fugly on the inside. At least in my experience, the overweight women in their 20s and 30s had issues that directly tied to them being overweight. They weren’t overachievers; in fact they were less likely to be so. They were fat because they ate too much and weren’t active enough, but that issue blobbed to other aspects of their life; either they were just overall lazy, delusional, passive, dumb, etc. I’m sure a lot of people are going to come stampeding in here to say, “Oh that’s not true, being fat has nothing to do with my personality, what about lazy/psycho/dumb skinny women?”. Sure thin/conventionally attractive women can have the same flaws, but its not tied to their weight. And contrary to a lot of people’s mistaken assumptions, I’ve met a ton of conventionally attractive women who were incredibly intelligent, assertive, outgoing, driven, and successful. Hell, I even married one!
So would you date a BBW? If you did, why? Is it because you don’t care about weight (or appearance period)? or maybe you are specifically attracted to fat women? If you wouldn’t date a BBW, is it because you’re not attracted to the look of overweight women, or it because the hangups they might have or physical limitations (gasping for breath going up a flight of stairs, unable to get on a rock climbing wall, having to use two seats on an airplane) a turnoff?
I wouldn’t, but of course it doesn’t say anything about a person’s personality one way or another. That seems like a ludicrous expectation. On the other hand, I don’t know of any way to battle my own sense of what’s attractive.
Married one, in fact. (Assuming that the second “B” is “beautiful”, as my wife is white.)
Part of it may be that my tastes in women were once described (by my girlfriend at the time) as “female”. That is, I don’t really have a particular “type” to which I’m attracted. When I dated, I dated tall and short, curvy and thin.
My concern these days, as we’ve gotten older (my wife is 50, I’m nearly so) is that my lovely, curvy wife is still a big girl. She hasn’t gotten particularly bigger as we’ve been together, but being heavier does tend to set you up for health issues as you get older, and she doesn’t seem to have any interest in doing anything about that. Meanwhile, I’ve gotten serious about taking better care of myself, and have gotten back into shape, and that difference between the two of us worries me.
Although this thread didn’t solicit opinions from people dating fat dudes, I’m dating a fat dude. I’m also a fat woman. We chose to date each other based on compatibility, the awesomeness of the other person, and looks. I think he’s extraordinarily handsome, and he thinks I’m very attractive (all in the eye of the beholder, ymmv, blah blah blah). Neither of us has a fat fetish. I don’t even have a preference when it comes to body size–I’ve dated skinny dudes, fat dudes, and in-between. It just depends on personality (and, I can’t lie, facial attractiveness).
Fat people have lots of reasons for being fat. Not all of them are damaged, whiny, lazy, uncaring, bad in bed, or whatever you assume. Some fat people may be outgoing and driven for awhile, encounter nothing but negative responses, make no headway, and give up after awhile. Some fat people deal with chronic pain due to weight or persistent injuries, which tends to make a person less peppy. Maybe the pain caused them to overeat for comfort in the first place… unless you literally go out and meet every fat person on the planet, you just don’t know.
P.S. I hate the term BBW. It’s fetishistic and has bad connotations. Just call us fat, please.
BBW stands for Big Beautiful Woman, a euphemism they commonly use to describe themselves.
The field abounds with stereotypes: That females won’t date short males, therefore short males must “lower their standards” and date whatever female they can get. And that males won’t date “plus-size” females, therefore plus-size females must “lower their standards” and date whatever male they can get.
So, short male + plus-size female = perfect match, right?
Well, no, that doesn’t necessarily follow. Plus-size females won’t date a short male any more than any other size female will (meaning, as seen in the other thread, there may be a few who will but mostly not). And the majority of responses above, so far (well, 3 out of the 4) seem to be males saying they won’t date a BBW.
Sure. I’m not attracted to grotesquely obese women, but a woman who’s weight is somewhere between “average” and “grotesquely obese”? Sure. Being overweight isn’t an automatic dealbreaker to me.
Depends on how big we’re talking about. I usually like a woman with a little meat on her bones. Chunky is just fine with me. Obese…not so much. But that’s more because it seems so unhealthy.
Thanks for the explanation. Never say never - sometimes love hits you unexpectedly - but probably not. I’ve dealt with enough health problems. If I date again, I’ll be looking for somebody healthy.
I’ver never seen a women describe herself as BBW who wasn’t obese.
A little chunky sure. And that “plus-size supemodel”, can’t remember her name? Absolutely…but while she’s “plus-size” her proportions are nowhere near normal.
But, I’m currently “off the market.”
I did, however, have a rule of not dating a woman more than 100lbs heavier than myself. At 225lbs, I rarely had to put that rule to the “test.”
I agree. Typically I find that women <200lbs try to downplay their weight in descriptions. Once they get past, say, 250 lbs, they’re more likely to call themselves a ‘BBW’ and go full bore in the other direction “I don’t care that I’m fat” “weight doesn’t matter” “I’m beautiful no matter what”. Fine platitudes, but it always tends to sound a little delusional to me.
I am a big woman. I am fat. I am not lazy, stupid or whatever else the OP concluded about overweight people. Don’t assume you know anything about me based on the numbers on my bathroom scales.
I am not offended when guys don’t want to date me. We like what we like. In the short guys threads, I was pretty clear I’m not attracted to little guys. But don’t assume that only desperate or weird guys would want to be with a large woman. Sexual attraction is what it is.
My current BF is the kind of guy who turns heads. He is intelligent, educated, tall, fit, muscular and very good looking. He likes my body as is. He could have anyone, he wants me.
He is far from an aberration. I have had lots of great guys interested in me. I am very choosy so most of them never made the cut.
Positive aspects of a fat woman who is comfortable in her skin? She doesn’t obsess over what people think of her. She knows there are a lot of guys like the OP. Shallow and self absorbed. Being comfortable in my skin makes me comfortable with my guy. It’s not for nothing that big girls have the reputation of being fun to mambo with.
The OP is wrong to call BBWs ‘fat’. There is a difference - to a lot of people, though I now realize I don’t know how common the distinction is. I think that would have to be defined for any definitive answers.
The OP made a bad assumption (is that an oxymoron??) about dating a fat/BBW (I’m not sure which he dated, as I don’t assume), found out he was wrong and now, instead of learning of the woes of assuming he instead assumes again that all fat/BBWs are beneath him for other reasons.
Re; “conventionally attractive women who were incredibly intelligent, assertive, outgoing, driven, and successful” - I know a lot of guys that are hesitant to deal with one or more of those attributes in women. Each could have it’s own ‘would you date…’ thread.
I am genuinely attracted to BBWs. Married one. Our divorce had nothing to do with weight or attractiveness. I have always appreciated ‘rubenesque’ women. My childhood heart throbs were Wendy Jo Sperber, Valerie Bertinelli and Delta Burke. Probably because my mom was considered attractive but was a self-centered b*otch.
I am not a ‘chubby chaser’ who considers bigger is always better. Fat ain’t where it’s at with me. But they’re out there too. I went to some BBW dances after I got divorced. I’ve seen things I wish I could un-see…
That is, I don’t really have a particular “type” to which I’m attracted. When I dated, I dated tall and short, curvy and thin.