Would you have told?

I went to a bachelorette party this weekend. One time, the bride-to-be gave some total stranger she met in the parking lot a pretty thorough kiss. She was rather toasty at the time, but not so much that she wouldn’t have remembered in the morning.

I did not feel this was something her groom needed to know about. I’ve only met her twice now, and I’ve known him since we were teenagers, so my loyalties lie with him, but this didn’t strike me as worth risking the dissolution of their relationship (had she been dropping her pants for someone, that would’ve been a different story).

So I kept my mouth shut, but it bothered me to have to be in that situation. I know he believes in loyalty in a relationship, and he was very angry at his mother for a long time for cheating on his dad. This strikes me as a bad sign of things to come.

Would you have told?

I guess I would have told her what I saw. Does she realize that any of the party saw it, and did anyone besides you see it? If it is common knowledge, it will get back to him eventually, no? You may want to convince her to fess up before he hears it from someone else.

Or not.

Oh, yes, we all saw. We were going to the car and he was driving out of the lot. He was still in the driver’s side and she was standing at the window. Her friends were actually encouraging her. I, being the only one sober, was about to separate her from him, but he broke it off then.

Its probably a ‘you had to be there’ decision, but I’d let it slide and not even be all that worried about it.

I’m cough friendly when I’m happy. I can easily see myself kissing just about anyone at a celebration like that. Doesn’t mean I’m thinking baout getting seriously involved with any of them, I’m just happy.

I wouldn’t say anything. In my experience only bad things happen when people get involved in such seemily meaningless events.

I’ve done things that from the observers POV may have seemed totally out of order but made perfect sense when you knew the full story.

Only you can make this decision as only you know about the IRL incident and your friend but from what you describe I’d stay out of it.

As long as you kept quite about what went on at the bachelor party…

C’mon, she’s about to get hitched, she’s had a couple of drinks…as long as she didn’t blow the guy in the parking lot, I wouldn’t read that much into it.

As a guy, if it were my fiancee, I’d be pretty upset.

But apparently that’s just me.

Besides, if you don’t know how “open” their relationship is, you might be making a big deal out of something that wouldn’t bother them.

No, I wouldn’t say a word. A drunken kiss with a stranger isn’t cheating. Not by a long shot. Cripes, it was her party: aren’t women and men just about to get married meant to do crazy shit like that?

I wouldn’t tell. It seems pretty harmless to me.

I wouldn’t tell.

As you pointed out, she’d had a few, is getting married soon, she was probably just caught up in the exuberance of the moment. Plus, with friends egging her on, she might have been doing something she wouldn’t have done on her own.

Don’t worry 'bout it.

If it was real juicy, I’d encourage her to tell because it might get out. He might get a little upset, but not break-it-off upset. I wouldn’t tell the groom - not like they had sex and he is at danger of catching something.

Medea, if I get to Pitt to check out the ballpark, what’s your pleasure? :wink:

Good lord it was a bachelorette party! Jeez!

What kind of a box are you expecting people to live in? Lighten up.

I’d want to know, if it had been my fiance, and I’d tell my bride to be, were I the kisser.

That’s not a box, sunacres - it’s a measure of the relationship my now-wife and I have.

  • Rick

Personally, it recalls a situation that I was in where someone I was involved with had kissed another girl. I was getting very upset, until one of my friends pulled me aside and said, “Yeah, but did he mean it?” An important distinction, IMHO. I’d still want to know, but if it meant nothing then no harm done so far as I’m concerned.

I don’t know if I’d have told or not, but I have to weigh in on the side that does think it’s a big deal.

If it had been my fiance (I’m female), I’d have been pissed.

If I were in his shoes and found out, I would be livid and would probably at least consider calling the whole wedding off… and that is why I would not have told anyone if I were in your shoes. It was too late to do anything good, and anything that threatens the wedding event will just cause resentment and look bad for everyone involved.

Let the wedding happen, and they can figure it out for themselves. It was probably just a bachelorette party thing.

I wouldn’t even consider telling. And for one reason only – it’s none of your business. It may indeed be a situation where it’s just a “harmless” kiss. Or they may have a more open relationship than you realize. Point is, you don’t know.

I just don’t buy this “it’s for the good of so-and-so” attitude that seems so rampant nowadays. The words “busy body” and “Linda Tripp” come to mind…

cornflakes echoed my thoughts exactly. I’d be completely pissed, but I’m not sure I would appreciate having been told.

And keep in mind everyone, this is in the past. It’s already happened and so has the wedding. There is no, “Should I tell now?” thing going on. They’re married. I cannot for the life of me think of any good reason to tell now and was just throwing the idea out to see if you would’ve told before the wedding.

And greenlady, she made it my business when she did that in front of me. She wasn’t my friend. He is. I’ve known him for nine years. I’ve met her twice. Sure, that was just a kiss, hence my idea not to say anything. But had it been worse (say, a blowjob in the back alley), I would’ve said something in a heartbeat. If they had an open relationship, then he wouldn’t mind but if they didn’t, he has every right to know what he’s getting into.

I’ll never understand monogamous folks.

I thought the bachelor / bachelorette parties were sort of “last fling” events, mostly on a “pretend” level, (you aren’t expected to get laid, I think), but where short of that you act as single as possible 'cuz it’s your last “taste of freedom” or some such thing?

My goodness…the bride-to-be gave some guy a kiss. Trust me, this is nothing compared to the crap that goes on at some bachelor parties. The men at most of these have a “code of silence” and the wife is never told, but I guarantee you if the code was broken there would be a few less married couples out there.

For instance…the infamous “lollipop” trick where a guy puts a tootsie pop in his mouth and stripper sits on it…

the “strap-on” experience–it isn’t sex if it’s a strap-on…

having a stripper touch the man anywhere below the belt…letting the bachelor touch the stripper anywhere below the belt…

not to mention the more uncommon…hire a stripper/hooker who blows or has sex with said bachelor.

This is not to say that this happens all the time, but I have heard about it one too many times…

I hang out w/ too many guys…

Throatshot, trust me, both groom and bachelor would eventually just get mad at you if you told.