I am gay and it would also probably be a no. If we’ve been friends for a long time, there’s probably a reason it hasn’t developed into more.
However, I did have a friend who I would have dated, but there were other obstacles in the way.
Another exception might be if I had a close friend who was dating another guy and they’d broken up. Perhaps, I’d consider it after they’d gotten over the breakup.
I’ve been the guy in that situation. I’m at least sort of a gentleman, so it didn’t turn out all that bad, though periodically it was awkward as fuck. The friendship ended when she decided to start dating (somebody else), and the instant she told me about it I immediately agreed that me being around would be horribly fifth-wheelish and I cut off contact.
You should try it sometimes, though not when you’re passed out. Mustaches feel GREAT down there!
I wouldn’t be flattered or insulted. I might tell him to pull his head out of his ass, keep his hands to himself, and just for that he has to buy the next round of drinks. He knows I’m not gay. Not even a little bit. In fact, I’m so straight that the thought of making out with a guy makes me nauseous. To me dudes are like avocados: they make me sick, but I ain’t got a problem with anyone else who likes them. Just don’t go slipping a wedge onto my burger, thinking you’ll trick me into liking them because then you’ll have to watch me throw up.
Blech. Boys are gross.
I find it interesting that some of the posters place sexual interaction as a requirement for a relationship. What about couples (hetro or homosexual) who because of age, religious, physical limitations or other personal reasons abstain from sex. Are they not in a relationship despite their emotional and spiritual connections? I understand that a marriage that is not consummated can be annulled under some legal and religious laws, but again, does that mean the marriage wasn’t a relationship?
Again, I can’t help but believe that love, even unrequited love has to count for something. If nothing else, at least a learning/growth experience for one or both parties. Even puppy love can help the person(s) understand the joys and sorrows of love in a non-familial context.
Or am I just being to overly romantic and the real world doesn’t work that way?
I’m of the opinion that a romantic romantic relationship includes at least some baseline level of touching and cuddling, kissing and so on. While sex itself wouldn’t be a requirement, I’m pretty confident that the level of physical interaction I do expect would be beyond what a person would wish to engage in with somebody they’re not attracted to.
Yes, I’m aware that this would mean asexual people are boned under my worldview. Er, sucks to be them?
It’s interesting that you don’t. I mean, there is a line drawn somewhere between friends and…more than friends. Trust me, there is a line. If you don’t know about it then you’re missing examples of one category of friend or the other. When people endure the vulnerability of intimate physical contact (hand holding <-----> ugly bumping), no matter how casual the encounter is intended to be, it’s tough to not form a bond. The thought of sharing certain parts of my mind with another dude is deeply unsettling. Could be I’m not comfortable with being that vulnerable with someone too much like myself?
This is my answer… except I would add “who is straight”.
I read a scenario like that in a Mario Puzo novel, “The Family”. (Despite the name, it didn’t involve the Mafia. Although one character was a strangler who sort of gave off that vibe…)
A great general (male) was approached by one of his most capable subordinates (also male), who gave a declaration of love, after more than a decade of good service. The general, being straight, wasn’t into that. He was open-minded and didn’t have an angry reaction; he was very sad. This was a close friend and professional colleague. When rejected, said subordinate was very sad and left, saying he wasn’t angry but couldn’t remain given the rejection. There were no bitter recriminations or betrayals. Unfortunately it was literally impossible for that situation to end happily.
Eh, when I was young I would have happily tried it out as a best friend with benefits kind of thing, but the cuddling/romantic same-sex angle doesn’t quite work for me.
Ewww! Have you seen my friend? Maybe if he were cute…probably not.
You keep putting “relationship” in quote marks. If this relationship doesn’t involve sex, and doesn’t involve vowing not to have sex with other people, then how does the word “relationship” apply? I mean, how does it differ from a friendship?
You, as the person who’s been told they’re in love, does or doesn’t do… what? And same for the other person.
If the situation is between two people who are asexual it might be different, but for people who aren’t asexual a “relationship” involves sex. Or kissing, or the possibility of sex. Without that, it’s friendship.
I’ve been the sexual person (for want of a better word) who was told by an asexual person that they wanted to be more than friends. But they didn’t want to actually kiss or anything. That was good, because I found them very unattractive and had always thought we were just friends. I said no, but not clearly enough. After a while, they started to act like they were my partner in public, and people thought we were together. I cut off all contact after they wouldn’t stop.
There was a misunderstanding there but it was partly because my understanding of relationship definitely involves sexual contact. All my other relationships had involved sexual contact so I didn’t like having to spell out I do not want to have sex with you, therefore this is over. Let’s just be friends? No. So we “broke up.” It caused a schism between our friendship groups. But… I didn’t want to have sex with someone who also didn’t want to have sex with me. I didn’t even want to be “poly” with someone I was just friends with.
This was a looong time ago, btw.
Oh, you’re in love with me? Join the queue bozo.
There are sexual relationships that do not involve exclusivity (e.g., “open marriages”) and very close relationships that never cross the line into sex (cf. Lost in Translation – the film), and probably a wide variety of other constructs of human closeness that are what most of us would call “relationships” but that would fall outside the narrow bounds of you definition.
I could see having a same sex relationship with commitment and everything, but we’d be getting sex outside the relationship. I can do threesomes.
**Relationship. **I prefer and choose to use the term without the next for sexual interaction, particularly in my OP.
relationship noun
re·la·tion·ship | \ ri-ˈlā-shən-ˌship
3a : a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings had a good relationship with his family
b : a romantic or passionate attachment
Source: [**
[ol]
[li]a connection, association, or involvement.[/li][li]connection between persons by blood or marriage.[/li][*]an emotional or other connection between people:
[li]the relationship between teachers and students.[/li][li]a sexual involvement; affair.[/li][/ol]
Source: Relationship Definition & Meaning | Dictionary.com](Relationship Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster"
relationship
1.3An emotional and sexual association between two people.
‘she has a daughter from a previous relationship’
**relationship[ ri-ley-shuhn-ship )
relationship
noun [ C ] US /rɪˈleɪ·ʃənˌʃɪp/
the way in which things are connected or work together:
Write an essay on the economic relationship between farming and transportation.
A relationship is the way two or more people are connected, or the way they behave toward each other:
“What is your relationship to the soloist?” “She’s my daughter.”
The two men have a good working relationship.
A relationship is also a close romantic friendship between two people.
Source: [URL=“RELATIONSHIP definition | Cambridge English Dictionary”]
My previous post was truncated when I edited it.
**Relationship. **I prefer and choose to use the term without the need for sexual interaction, particularly in my OP.
relationship noun
re·la·tion·ship | \ ri-ˈlā-shən-ˌship
3a : a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings had a good relationship with his family
b : a romantic or passionate attachment
Souce: “Relationship Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster”
relationship
1.3An emotional and sexual association between two people.
‘she has a daughter from a previous relationship’
relationship[ ri-ley-shuhn-ship ]
[ol]
[li]a connection, association, or involvement.[/li][li]connection between persons by blood or marriage.[/li][*]an emotional or other connection between people:
[li]the relationship between teachers and students.[/li][li]a sexual involvement; affair.[/li][/ol]
Source: Relationship Definition & Meaning | Dictionary.com
relationship
noun [ C ] US /rɪˈleɪ·ʃənˌʃɪp/
the way in which things are connected or work together:
Write an essay on the economic relationship between farming and transportation.
A relationship is the way two or more people are connected, or the way they behave toward each other:
“What is your relationship to the soloist?” “She’s my daughter.”
The two men have a good working relationship.
A relationship is also a close romantic friendship between two people.
Source: “RELATIONSHIP definition | Cambridge English Dictionary”]
Arrgh…
Edit:
relationship
1.3An emotional and sexual association between two people.
‘she has a daughter from a previous relationship’
Source: [URL=“Dictionary.com | Meanings & Definitions of English Words”
Defining relationships has always been difficult.
To further the case for my definition of relationship. If physical contact is required for a relationship, Long distance relationships in which the two parties never met is an impossibility.
“I can’t begin something with you. I’m in a long distance relationship”
“No you’re not! You’ve never even touched each other! You’re free game!”
Even in a long distance relationship you presumably want physical contact. Unless it’s just a friendship, anyway.
All long distancing aside, informing somebody that they’re wrong, they’re not in a relationship and thus are “free game” is probably not going to go well.