Save the life. I couldn’t enjoy the money otherwise.
Fight a UFC champion or wear a tutu for a month?
Tutu for a month, but I’ve probably actually done that back when I was little.
Live without running water or without electricity?
I’d have to go with running water.
Life with short bursts of agonizing pain, or life with constant tolerable nagging pain?
No. 
Wow, tough one. I’ll take without running water, because I just don’t think I can give my internet addiction just yet.
Would you rather have a fresh, cheap (i.e., fast food) meal or a day-old gourmet meal?
Day old gourmet, if it was good once it’ll be better next day.
Would you rather French kiss Ann Coulter or lick an ashtray?
Ashtray, please.
Would you rather have proof of a ghost or proof of extraterrestrial life?
I’d close my eyes and pretend she’s not an alien, go in for some tongue action, then fake her out and lick the ashtray I had in my hand the whole time!
Would you rather become siamese twins (joined at the torso) with Richard Simmons, or have to defecate out of your mouth for the rest of your life?
ETA: GAH! Extraterrestrial all the way.
This one got overlooked.
Short bursts of agonizing pain. I can hibernate when it happens rather than always being grumpy with the constant pain.
Would you rather throw a surprise party or be given a surprise party?
Assuming there would be gifts, I’d rather be given a surprise party.
Would you rather have Rush Limbaugh have diarrhea on your bare chest with some of it splashing on your face, or have the tip of your ring finger cut off, without anesthesia.
The former. Shit washes off.
Would you rather kiss a baby or a puppy? I’m talking directly on the lips.
Kiss a baby.
Would you rather be able to fly through the air or breathe underwater? (Without equipment, of course. )
Fly through the air… imagine how much money you’d save on air travel!
AH-HEM
Would you rather become siamese twins (joined at the torso) with Richard Simmons, or have to defecate out of your mouth for the rest of your life?
Ah crap, I’ll take this one for the team, but ONLY because your Ann Coulter/ashtray answer was awesome!
I’ll take the Siamese twin option, because I figure I can choke him out and the surgeons will have a chance to save me.
Would you rather watch Hillary have sex with Rush Limbaugh or step in a bear trap and stay there for as long as they’re still doing it?
Good call! Now I can sleep and night…
Hilary and Rush. The list of things I’d do before stepping into a bear trap is very long.
A nice one: would you rather skydive or scuba dive?
Skydive–I’ve already been underwater!
Okay, would you rather stay up all night or only get less than one hour of sleep? (One time only, not an ongoing problem.)
Stay up all night.
Would you rather eat a stick of deoderant or publicly wet your pants?
Stay up all night. ETA: Sorry, missed FS’s answer.
Would you rather be a worm or a snail?
Snail. Snails are cute!
I’ll repost my old one:
Would you rather eat a stick of deoderant or publicly wet your pants?
Wet my pants. Makes it easier to get a seat to myself on the bus.
OK, there’s that one person, the one you cannot stand, who everybody tells you is really, quite nice, and you know its true but you *still * can’t stand him/her…
A desert island, for life…alone, or with her?