Fond of my lungs so I gotta go with gay Paris
Have ‘Rumplestiltskin’ as your middle name or ‘Slartibartfast’ (and no, you can’t have your name changed legally)
Rumplestiltskin, because I can say it three times fast.
This hypothetical is inspired by Candorville
President Trump or President Kardashian? (You get to pick which Kardashian.)
Dear God. Well, I know just enough about the Kardashians to know that there has to be at least one who’s less odious than The Donald, so I’ll go with them.
Serve in the Trump Cabinet or get kicked in the 'nads?
Getting kicked in the crotch will hurt for 15 minutes. Serving in the Trump cabinet will hurt for four years.
Abort a pregnancy by rape or give the child to a nice male gay couple?
Oh Lord. That’s a tough one.
I think if I were raped, I’d have an abortion.
Give up your American citizenship and move overseas or stick it out here and keep your American citizenship?
Stick it out here and keep my American citizenship. I will never leave this country.
Free tickets to Hamilton! Go with Donald Trump or Mike Pence?
Trump. Pence has already seen it. 
You’ve been hired by your dream company. You’re given the option of making $100,000/year with two weeks vacation for the first four years, or $75,000/year with four weeks vacation for the first four years (after either one you become a partner with a corner office and an espresso machine for your exclusive personal use.)
Which do you choose?
Take the $100,000 per year. Because I’d be essentially surrendering $25,000 for two weeks’ extra vacation if I took the latter option. That equates to nearly a thousand dollars per day of lost income for each vacation day. That’s a steep financial loss. If the company had offered me, say, $75,000 a year but I get ***ten ***weeks of vacation, then I probably would take that, but for only four weeks, no.
Be given $100 billion to distribute around the world to various causes/charities/countries/people as you see fit, or 1 million extra votes to be applied secretly to any elections in the future as you see fit (i.e., 10,000 in Detroit, 5,000 in Milwaukee, etc.)?
Distribute the money to charity. I’m not messing with how we elect Presidents.
Have a rich uncle pay for college or buy you your first house?
I’m a high school senior with good grades who is right now sighing over a bunch of fancy colleges I no way in hell can afford, so I’ll go with private college. I’m sure house is a much more rational choice long term, but hey - they tell me my frontal cortex isn’t done developing. 
Would you rather have the ability to replay last night’s dreams after you wake up, like a movie (even the ones you don’t remember), or immediately become an expert in one instrument of your choice? (Haven’t read all of the thread, so avoiding repeating one by going really weird).
I’ll be an expert piano player.
Would you rather have a portrait painted of you or a song composed about you?
I would enjoy having a song about me ~~ Would you rather be the one having the affair… or…the one whom has to tell their best friend, their spouse is having an affair?
Purely as a hypothetical, I’ll have the affair. But only if she’s a knockout.
Visit the Vatican or the Imperial Palace in Tokyo?
I’m not even sure what they have at the Imperial Palace; I’ll stick with the Vatican.
Would you rather spend a year on the International Space Station, or on Captain Nemo’s Nautilus?
Captain Nemo’s Nautilus. I image both would be boring, but it’s easier to get on and off the Nautilus.
Have a lot of money but be world renown, recognized every where you go, and always having people to give them money “because you have it and I don’t” or have much less money, just enough to live on, but live in obscurity.
Be rich and famous or be me? Hmmm. I’ve done the whole ‘being me’ thing, for a goodly portion of my life (nearly all of it one could argue) and it has kinda sucked. I’d be willing to try the jetset existence for the remainder - just to mix things up a little.
Have diarrhea for two weeks or a classic migraine for two days?
As a former migraine sufferer, the very worst kind, I’d take a month of diarrhea. (Frankly, anybody who’d choose the migraine has never really had one.)
Have to watch every episode of every “Real Housewives” series before you can watch any other television show or movie, or have to read every page of the last two years of National Enquirer before you can read anything else?
I could skim the Enquirer better than I could Real Housewives (although both are equally odious) to minimize my suffering. So my choice is clear.
Beer or wine?
Beer! (see, not all choices in life need be difficult dilemmas)
Visit a zoo without any smells, or a political rally without any sound?
Zoo! I can still see the critters!
Kayaking down a quiet river, rich with wildlife but no people OR
Tube down the same river with a large group of your friends (responsible drinking allowed.)