Alone. I like helping the less fortunate, but I don’t want to spend a major holiday with them.
Bach or Handel?
Bach.
Maui or Big Island?
Maui.
Ireland or Scotland?
I’d like to go to both someday, but for now, I’ll say Ireland, as both my wife and I have some family roots there.
Get slapped across the face or have someone step hard on your big toe?
big toe
kicked in the groin or stabbed in a non-arterial portion of the arm with a 3" blade? (males only can respond)
Stabbed. Gotta protect the 'nads.
Spend a day with a cop in a bad part of town, or with a heart surgeon as she does a transplant?
Cop. Surgery icks me out.
Carrot cake or cheesecake?
After a brief but violent struggle cheesecake wins out.
Spend the next two years living in Khartoum or Phnom Penh?
Neither is a garden spot, I’ve heard. Um… Phnom Penh, but only if I can be fabulously rich.
A million dollars in an electronic bank account, or as gold in the bank’s vault?
Tangible and material wins every time.
Live in Boring, OR or Hell, MI?
Hell, MI.
Live on Main St, Anytown USA or on Redneck Ave in Little Ferry, NJ (which is an actual street name)?
I’ll go with the specific over the general. I could always move.
As a Christmas guest: Charlie Brown or Linus Van Pelt?
Charlie Brown would be too much of a downer. Plus Linus has to be the best informed grade schooler ever. We’re talking weekend news magazine-worthy.
Come home to discover your bedroom now has a water bed, wall to wall shag carpet, black light/posters and a groovy lava lamp, or come home to discover a new aga in your kitchen?
water bed and etc.
Wear a clown wig whenever you leave the house or be completely bald all the time for the rest of your life.
I’ll take the aga, since I already had the other in the '60s (no waterbed, but black walls and ceiling, plus my own op art).
For one entire year, nothing but Christmas music or Britney Spears?
Being bald is perfectly acceptable
Britney Spears (Christmas has too many fond associations for me to ruin it like that)
Be able to make a dollar bill magically appear every time you clap your hands twice or win two million in the lottery?
I won’t want to clap that much, so I’ll go with the $2 million.
Visit Kenya or Colombia on a luxury trip?
Definitely Kenya.
Leave your family for years to help establish a colony on Mars, or bring them along in spite of the danger?
If they wanna come, by all means, bring 'em along.
Sing five Christmas carols or drink some eggnog?
Drink eggnog, natch.
Do all your Christmas shopping on Black Friday or at 5p on Christmas Eve? (Brick and mortar only, no online shopping.)